Growing up Jo

The complimentary post to This  on the main blog.
One of the things I do struggle with is face to face interaction not least opening up a conversation with people cos I get so super nervous I just freeze over or not have the conversation I had intended in my head.
So it was actually pretty good I managed to start one with my second best friend this weekend talking to her about her life, her studying animation while listening and even making eye contact with is something I've had feedback on before now as I find that...so oppressive ordinarily.
Like I can recall this being brought up in a staff review looking at client interaction several years back in what was generally a excellent review as a potential barrier to communication.
I also found the work I have being doing over the last five weeks or so on putting together a PT routine for me paid of well but with unlike last time being able to get across the from the rail station to a bus interchange without getting out of breath propelling my wheeled suitcase and bags and also while i have difficulty with steps and uneven surfaces I was able to keep up with the group as we walked through woodland and canal tow paths for a good mile or so to where we were eating without breaking out into a deep sweat or struggling at the back.
That for me is really good going. 
The weekend went very well overall like  I mean no one found good reason to spank me which is reassuring cos it never was a role playing or sensual game thing with me and more to the point the people I'm with not least those in 'grown up' capacities to me  truly understand and ensure my my vulnerabilities are never taken advantage of. 
When that gap is what it is sometimes I do feel it was so much more easier when I was in my teens cos at least those very same issues and needs would be protected and moreover nobody would 'assume' I had a developmental level I don't whereas now they do because they are working with adult norms which just don't apply. So in a way I'm very fortunate they meet my needs and respect my limits, saying that to one made me tearful to tell you the truth.
I also did co-operate fully, helping out with preparing the evening meal two other guests consumed on the Friday and baking the sponge cake for the Party without a murmur of discontent even when I had to make another sponge as one of my haves didn't quite take in the oven.
Changing my attitudes around looking after my needs and also contributing, being expected  help out has not been easy given my past but with a lot of encourage to help and the preparedness of people to strictly discipline me over it, I am starting to develop more of a sense of self discipline to help me be more mature in that way even with the oh so real limitations in other respects.
I did great this weekend.

Attitude audit

Well, I'm going to be off in a couple of days time spending regressed time with others so I have tried super hard this time to get most of these posts written up ready.
Today's is a bit different in that it's about my social skills and attitudes which are more of an issue when I'm naturally with people rather than say on my own and how far I've come on.

Until I heard of the expression "self sabotage" from my second best friend some years back I was never real able to explain how it while I believed in the ideal inevitably I'd end up up just enough to scrap through at best and often set out on line that would result in doing worse than I can by not preparing properly, not making a plan and just allowing myself to be distracted from what it is wanted to do for something more enjoyable or less effort.
Part of this was the belief that because I struggle though my disabilities with things then I could only fail so why even bother especially when few people cared if did try.

This is one I'm pretty good at and do take shoes off or change to slippers when I visit people even though I wasn't raised at home to.

I'm pretty good at this, not being inclined to enter into gossip sharing sessions with people or otherwise dish things up to people.

 More often than not I'll go help somebody struggling but have struggled with the idea of helping as in contributing to something by giving my time and effort but is something that is being worked on.

You may of heard of yo-yo dieting  but I've tended to be yo-you over taking exercise from my mid teens onwards, never looking cool and always wanting to do things involving being still to the exclusion of anything physical.
It may not help having a physical disability but not undertaking exercise of any form make that worse for me. I have been exercising for about forty minutes to an hour in sessions after thinking more about its effects from clothes feeling a bit tight apart from I was struggling with walking even short distances which this does seem to be helping.

 Another not good at although I am currently eating banana's and apples daily preferring chocolate caramel bars.

This is one I have always struggled with generally because of issues in  our family history, what from my point of view I see as their reluctance when young to be actively involved in raising me, issues with them over gender identity, refusing to accept professional opinion when it came to disability diagnosis's, lack of support in my learning to the point of ignoring poor work and calls to attend meetings to discuss and so on.
One affect of this is I had developed a disrespect for adult authority, a switched offness  to any engagement and don't take advice well.

Generally I'm pretty good at being helpful, properly empathize more being left out deliberately by groups for gender or disability reasons

I'm pretty good over personal hygiene such as covering my nose when sneezing and washing my hands before eating and cooking even when after allowing myself to be distracted even if that adds to my being late.

We  should put an X through boy and replace by girl and usually I'm on the edge of talking back usually as a defense mechanism to brush them away lest they hurt me and my feelings which hasn't been helped in the past for seeing other people as having the same exact authority and non OVER me.
It also didn't help that those I was with believed in letting me try to have control OVER them as a way of coping with MY needs.

More often than not I do clean them, mind you with anything to hand such as screwdriver blades etc and always scrub them after handling anything they may of sank into.

 I'm usually pretty good over respecting other peoples space or property as a rule

For a long time I tended to switch from being a wall flower, feeling very awkward socially to doing something that was bound to grab attention even if it either put me in physical danger or  made other people unhappy or worried. I didn't care so long as you couldn't ignore me  and I feel that sense of being ignored rather encouraged it rather than being helped to have a role people could learn to value and perhaps I might value  what I could add too.

I've been generally bad over this tending to be caught up more in the moment being with someone or doing something I feel compelled to continue on with not helped by feeling at times that you should fit more around what I'm doing.

 As a former politician arguing for the sake of it was a stock in trade  even when in practical terms it made little difference and caused more issues than it solved.

I'm pretty good over borrowing you know. Like  returns stuff prompt looking after it super carefully

Still a difficult one as I tend to dump and run, never really making time to put things away in any real order and when people move them getting super annoyed with them soon moving to argument not being prepared to back down

I like to drink milk put the people I live with seem to think I prefer tea. I don't as it's just role playing an adult if ask for tea and I like cookies with me milk instead.

If anything my problem is less around taking more than I need to claim it for me so much as being a  poor and at times fussy eater with genuine restrictions on diet too with intolerances and allergies.

As having read this you can see there is much when comes my attitudes and that I do struggle with which is why rather late in the day I'm getting a lot more targeted  help at them as in many respects I really should of learned and moved on from many of these eons ago and why if I'm with you it helps if you try to hold me more to account so I do change and those that have become more second nature to me.

The League Of Adult Schoolgirls

The week here so far hasn't been particular stressful although I will be thinking through what I actually need to take with me next Friday for that weekend and maybe write some cards out in advance. I have in any event got the transport side sorted out.
One project I'm working on presently is "The league of adult schoolgirls" on Tumblr because there are a number of us who are Adult Schoolgirls and also some Adult Schoolboys whose interest in this is  purely age regressed having no sexual or bdsm based kink aspects and we have a number of issues from this.
One is the number of people do are more sexually Age Playing not just following but reblogging and messaging us inappropriately even though we say we do not want no sexual or bdsm contact.
The second is to get some ideas around common posting standards when it comes to content so we all know what to expect and help establish that as a standard for us so we stand out in a see of porn and bdsm blogs.
Thirdly it is to by using tags to make it easier to find actual Adult Schoolgirl or boy Tumblrs free from that stuff so in effect we are able to be a sfw non sexual community in Tumblr in our own right.
Part of that stems from although we in every other way are in sfw Age Regression many communities are Minor Friendly and so aren't keen on adults wearing uniform posts often erroneously seeing it as an Age Play kink which obviously isn't okay for minors. That means in practise we cannot have Tumblrs in those Communities that feature Adult Schoolgirl or boys even when sfw and non sexual and some communities even take issue with you having a side blog from your main one if it feature that content.
It's one reason why in the past I tended to keep references to it on a external blog to which a link might be posted.
I'll be interest to see how this works out.

"Nothing else seems to help..."

After last weeks justified rant about the failings of part of my Support System in dealing a important health and welfare issue we move on to something else.

This digitized newspaper clipping from the mid twentieth century where in connection with bring up children (and young adults) there was quite a bit of talk about what worked and up to how old you then popular methods of discipline such as spanking should be used for.
The explanation around why the daughter gets spanks more often than many  is very very close to home because with me I just don't deal with warnings and reasoning is often less than effective with me getting muddled and seen more as a walk over as I just ignore them.
Until the resumption in adulthood of era stereotypical spanking, we'd just ignore any requests and just get into a totally confused mess when trying to verbally chastise me.

To actually deal with me you need to learn to feel comfortable with having a relationship with me where you will communicate your displeasure by just gently restraining me with an arm  and spanking me straightaway.

You need to hold nothing back so I feel both physically and emotionally your displeasure ensuring it registers with me beyond any doubt to dissuade me in the future from repeating it.

You may need to be prepared in extreme situations to bring a cane out to really get the point over because the point is simply, this is just about the only thing that does teach me how to behave oddly enough. It's just how I'm wired.

Raising an issue

Sometimes I do wonder how grounded in reality certain photoshoot agencies are as I can't quite see the cut of so many school type pinafores being accepted for being low or simply too skimpy.
I do rather like this Hello Kitty denim one heaps however as it looks cute and lends itself to having badges sown on it it.
The aftermath of Marmalade's passing shot  before he departed this planet - the fleas that were belatedly dealt with  is being fixed  after much grumbling and my being bitten very badly (I'm covered in red itchy spots).
You see The Powers That Be did NOTHING to tackle the infestation although the local vet advised spraying and indeed did stock it so I've been sat as the little devils gripped tightly with their jaws in my hands and so on having to pull them off  as they dined out on my blood as I felt like screaming.
I decided to force the issue - a tactic I had to at school to get any attention to school progress or meetings requested to actually happen and bought a can of darn stuff myself from a well known supplier on Amazon Marketplace and present it to them with a take and  use message.
I detest having to act this way but circumstances prevent what I would consider more acceptable ways of acting.

Adult Free Zone

Hello and welcome to this Saturday's edition of the blog that may appear at times to be about any number of things but usually is connected in some way to discipline in the wider sense of the word and spanking.
In the week that saw the death of Tom Petty whose songwriting and performances I loved for decades saw a person on Tumblr follow me for a matter of minutes before unfollowing no doubt because I don't pander to soft porn and the like.
That as far as I'm concerned is their loss because I'm just me and age regression is just that and non-sexual so anyone can go whistle if they think that's what you'll find.
The thing some just don't get about this life it isn't some cheap spicing up of peoples romantic and sexual lives but it is routed very much in actual needs not role played but one where uncomfortable truths need to be accepted such as the need for adult protection when emotionally and developmentally you are more a child and when as I was painfully reminded last weekend at the door I couldn't cope with a adult door to door seller situation and I needed to be 'seen' as the 'child' who lives there having nothing to with Soffits and the like who at best would ask 'Daddy' to come to the door.
That's the thing, age regression equates to treating me as that adult/Child, dressing me as one isn't just cute (although god knows I look cute like that) in a pinafore or summer gingham dress, a set of handed down rules from adult parental figures coupled with support with scolding and spanking me as an agreed matter of course for disobedience and disrespect.
It just works out better this way.

"This is what you need"

When you aren't as able as most, you are more dependent on other people for things or completing them which isn't just an irritant that can cause you to lash out in frustration in itself but also a cause of tension between you.
What isn't said I think needs to be is inevitably it does alter the relating dynamic by virtue they have what you need and can't do that they can use as lever and equally you may feel you have leverage because they're your means of getting something done so it is easy to form an abusive relating pattern.
But it's not just that it's also how that person slots into the role helping you realize the idea you had that can become a point of contention too.
Speaking as a person whose always been disabled, our normal expectation is in discussing it with someone, they work with us to do it the way we wish unless that's not possible in which instance we'd expect them to talk though other suggestions reaching agreement on the way forward.
What can happen though is the person runs with what they feel is what you need, taking control not just of the help but also of the very idea itself imposing their ideas in place of yours  then threatening to walk off leaving with an uncompleted job if you even question such attitude as the one looking for help.
It's as if at that point you just became invisible no longer permitted to have any say about some things in your lives and that easily leads to tensions that others soon pick up on.
I think if you spot this early on you need to bring this up as it can easily cause issues.