18 plus and....

I was so like this post formal education it was uncanny.
Unfocused except on my immediate needs, lacking the will to really pay attention to what was said with a massive sense of entitlement -MY needs matter than anyone elses- the taking down of any meaningful sanctions did nobody including me any favours.
Being dealt with like in this cartoon strip really would helped but that had to wait decades.

The random jottings of a girl on Monday...

Random Monday post.
First off, Tracy got the mini quiz on last Sunday's post right. It was Crewe station, just opposite  the Crewe Arms Hotel the photograph was taken from, where you get to most places in the UK from and where presuming HS2 happens, that service will call at too.
As those of you from a certain littles site in the UK with a chat room will be aware I haven't been too good with a cold and bad cough for most of the week so I've been on the Lemsips and herbal cough mixture which has left me feeling unwell, achy, woozy in the head and a bit lacking in motivation, although as Jodi put it you can't expect to feel much else although her support is helping at least the point I got a few things done today connected with the dead ghoulish upcoming events at GHS which I'm mooch looking forward too.
I'm glad to have people who do care about me.
I went to look at one site the other night and found its software and layout had changed quite a bit and found I had a few things to put aright on my profile there and found another doesn't seem to be so good in it's mobile view, something that with more and more people accessing sites via smartphones and tablets is becoming more important, not least for getting people to spend more time on them.
I can remember the early days when we'd almost huddle around our big desktop computers for hours trying to find the very sort of site we wanted and then stay on for hours as they were hardly portable in the way laptops and especially Netbooks are and often modern machines are more powerful than those 133mhz machines with by modern standards tiny amounts of RAM were.
Finally I've been putting Yet More Music on my Soul micro sd card all 64gb of it I use in my Fiio music player to listen to over the headphones or plugged in the mini system in my room when I'm poorly saving me carrying stacks of cds with me to put on.

On gender presentation

Sometimes it seems I spend chunks of my time arguing not just with the usual suspects, men with fixed ideas about 'their' woman but with male to female transgendered individuals regardless of status within 're-assignment' or not about your rights, our rights to present as we see ourselves.
Females from whatever gender history have the right to express themselves in terms of how they dress on the street however they like be they more like on the left in jeans which is very common for women just getting about our towns and cities right across to skater skirts which isn't a million miles removed from how I dress outside of more obviously middle or 'age play' related stuff or even to wear shorts.
As a female you have plenty of options and you own them.

Thanks!

I'd like to this opportunity to thank everyone at GT,G.I,  IK,DDlg and FA for your concern following recent events and how they have left me feeling, be they comments in chat, on posts or face to face.

I was  pleasantly surprised to read one blog entry that addressed that topic of balancing your little and big lives an individual was facing that had a direct quote from  me upon my return after a few days so thanks Jake for that.

I'm slowly de-stressing and beginning to think more around how get to where I feel most comfortable and resolving some longstanding issues that compound if not of themselves create them.

I am aware a higher proportion of posts in this blog have been more around the lessons I have been taught but there have been others of which this is one.

Thanks again,
Jo
x

Sheltering edition

It's been a odd sort of a week for weather here with heavy rain earlier on and yes today we have brilliant sunshine which is more what I prefer although obviously we do need some rain and that even if there's never a really good time to it.
If you're thinking, have I missed a post before this, the answer is no because I needed to be out Thursday and Friday in particular to get some stuff I wasn't able to earlier and was too pooped out to be writing anything much so apart from not writing here, I didn't do much on other sites either apart from going bed earlier than usual set bedtime.
Before I forget thanks for those who read and commented on the last few entries here, it is very mooch appreciated especially on days like today when I have rather a lot on my mind which isn't so helpful when it comes getting in the mood to write and Marmalade has taken over my chair.
Like quite a few others I find dealing with the more 'adult' things not least unwell parents with an 'un-family' very stressful not least when no one is is even empathic never mind actually prepared do a thing to help and one has yet to return a phone call with a message left to a n other human they live with in seven weeks.
I can almost imagine the response I'd get If I called them out flat over how they are treating my folks never mind me, a person with multiple disabilities being left to care for them; One would just freeze doing nothing  and another would start a lasting feud as we've had several months of before now not talking and even acknowledging my very existence to others.
That's why I call them 'Un-family' cos legally they are but otherwise they may as well not be as they cut me out stone dead if they visit my folks and never inquire about me either.
I'd like a voucher to get a decent family with more than anything.

Age regression

What does age regression mean to you?
It’s not a phrase I use simply because my Middles with a little side flows from my inner child in real time less than the notion of say taking on a pre-defined role with an script, running more with actual child within emotional responses and  needs as it happens in real time. It’s more space for my Middle with little side to express herself with the ‘play’ being the setting where she comes out.
It also is the case with developmental disabilities and brain damage, even at school, not least high school, I was considerably younger than my years which left me out of sync from my mid teens onward with most of my peers although I could share in say a love of music and some movies at least but with a lot their more grown up interests and sexual references going completely over my head, like they’d be talking about making out and I’d be more interested in having a teddy bears picnic or a tween sleepover.
For me those situations either on line or in playmeets  with some of my friends over here are very therapeutic to me because they’re where I can really let that side of me out without the fear of people poking fun although the community where I live are very tolerant of my child-like ways and being know to have “special needs” does run  to my advantage in that way, allowing a greater degree of self expression than I’d of imagined after leaving high school.
How do you express you inner-kid: online? offline as part of your everyday life?
Online is fun as I am very childlike, cracking lame jokes, getting super excited but thankfully most people are at least tolerant of my childlike ways although I make serious posts on non IK sites but am very open at sites like DDLG World or Girltalk.to.forums about my little side sometimes really regressing in say a IK chat room
In what we call Real Life, as will be apparent later on, my 'big’ and I express ourselves pretty much the same, which can be fun  cos I just can’t help being myself as I use child-like phrases and words instinctively, often have plaything with me (my last works colleagues 'got it’ and were super understanding of me being very much a child to the point of buying childrens gifts at Christmas),  do dress in a more child-like way, often have cute plushies around, and easily move into little/middle headspace when I’m out, playing with thing.
My IK really comes out at Adult Little Girl meets and sleepovers, it’s just like boarding school which I loved having been to one and I’m always dressed as Middle in either playwear or English school uniform which fits me perfectly.
How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don’t feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.
The answer to this is simple  which is to say I don’t have much of adult sense of self through the real world impact of learning, development and intellectual disabilities to the point much of the adult world is beyond my personal comprehension, having no interest or need to. Basically I’m a child with a big age number living more like a child apart from paying taxes and that.
What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?
I struggle with things around getting things done on time, do put off important things for more fun in the moment activities, badly need structure and am capable of being disrespectful of others because I get more into what I want then and there without considering them. As well, I don’t always judge situations well and my abilities especially in  emotionally stressful situations to keep up with and process verbal reasoning can get so poor that it just ends up jumbled up with me getting more and more frustrated with that person.  Grown up approaches to disciplining me simply aren’t effective because they just can’t go in.
What works better with me is having clear cut rules and rigid boundaries around what I’m expected to do and clear consequences which is what my mentor/caretaker has been working on with me since just before Christmas. The main focus is around working on bring more permanent changes in my behaviour and attitudes rather than just the use of discipline through talking about situations and one on one guidance.
Discipline forms an important part within the maintenance of those rules though, flowing very much as the consequence delivered for breaching them in the way as a child  it would and so my mentor/caretaker does use corporal punishment with me as so an increasing number of trusted 'grown ups’ when I’m in IK situations involving them with permission and appropriate discreteness, often when I’m dressed more as a child too.

I find being disciplined less stressful than wordy verbal scolding, feeling very calm over a knee while it also certainly has helped together with the guidance and love of others in improving my attitudes and behaviour no end. My parents have little idea what this is about but they’re really impressed by how much I’ve improved.
The aftercare is really good and I find afterward its like I’ve been 'reset’, centred anew with no past offences hanging over me although it does hurt.

Looking back at structures and the need to be little

I'm late writing this but it something I needed some inspiration from and it only just arrive which is why I'm late todays.
I was talking with someone about the past, yes I know we has a present an' a future too but the past has lessons for you and is after all where you started out from and some of ideas I think are worth sharing.
One is given our chronological (so-called real life) ages, we've seen the world and the Countries we've lived in change from when we were little girls quite dramatically with the removal of many a Dictator, the greater freedom of expression of thought, religious beliefs and for differing ways of life.
We can to a very large extent say what with think without being arrested or effectively suppressed, in countries that had one majority faith, we can join and practice freely another and this is good.
One thing that perhaps for some of us is a negative is the way in which we've moved from very prescribed boundaries to such a state of rampant individualism that challenges any notion of social norms in our society.
We care less about how what we do may impact on others, the sense in which we are (and certainly I and people of my generation) felt being a part of a society that had shared aims and standards of behaviour in public at least. Everybody pretty much knew what was expected of them and that included respect for (adult) authority at home, at school, in the workplace never mind that of the Police even if they weren't perfect.
Today it seems that very much the idea of any respect for social rules has gone-want that seat on the train, grab it even if has been reserved, if at odds with each other in the street then call each other cuss words loudly in front of the under 12's, and so on to the point that it's hardly surprising that the only rules teens see exploring their emerging selves is that of own peer group in that way. While we tested the boundaries too, you knew adult authority would step in and critically your own folks would support them as having been punished for coming home the worse for drink once I'm well aware of shall we say.
For some us part of our being 'little' be it in caregiver relationships, or being just 'a little' may stem from a longing for those certainties be they from your own upbringing or perhaps looking back on those of others, you wish for them.
It provides some of the structure  we find ourselves craving.

Dress and the Adult Kid

Sometimes the question may get asked why wear clothes associated more with Girls as a Adult Girl?

To me it's not a hard and fast rule that anyone who sees themselves more as a Adult female child should have to dress like one and for a good number of us, it may get in the way of things such as workplace dress codes and so on and at times I do wish some in our (ALG) community were a bit less uptight over it. I mean it's only fabric after all.

There are a number of settings though where I do feel it's of very real benefit of which one is if you're with a Adult authority figure (male or female) in a relationship where anything like this needs to be talked through.

The other might be you do have an external authority figure or Mentor, you don't but may be meeting others possibly with some responsible adults or it's just how you see yourself.

To me the principal advantage is simply it makes you look more the Child you are because it removes the last bits of adult standing from your appearance at a distance.

You look into the mirror and you see something more like that child in it which aids you in doing those things that come natural to you as the adult child as you see nothing unchild in you.

An almost as important advantage when it comes to dealing with Adult authority figures is they see the child, their girl who looks very much it as they treat you very much like the junior you are, playing, drinking your milk and watching cartoons.

I love character t shirts like Hello Kitty ones and being in dresses and skirts which also happen to be easier when it comes to giving me my spankings in them in what is a very authentic junior experience leaving me clear just who is in control.

When it comes to underwear I like fuller briefs sometimes with cute designs on that are more like the sort you had when you were younger rather than anything that's clearly more grown up. My feeling is that's more appropriate for the adult-child you are and are being treated as.