Freaky Friday musings

Friday,eh?

I was a bit late getting up this morning so it was a rush to fix breakfast needing to be out by half past eight which is just typical I guess of what can happen when you go to sleep thinking about something and wake up with the start of migraine that didn't clear until Sunday afternoon.

That was just in time for Lil'Jennies Storytime on Picarto which is good way of relaxing with an hour to reading one or more children or "young adult" reading books read to you.

I did catch up a bit with The Beano and Pheonix comics which I get every week which helps keep my mind away from some of less good bits of the adult world although obviously there's bits of that you can't ignore.

Bits you can't ignore is the whole discourse around presentation which to me rather forgets things like if you were a school girl, you didn't keep your uniform on to half nine or whenever your bedtime was and you may of gone to places like the movies so you had looks for that.

As s teen girl especially you wanted to cultivate an appearance of sophistication, of coolness when you were out so why shouldn't I as this regressed adult school girl wear a skirt like that with tights and smart casual top?

Gurls like me tend to be a bit more dressy even though anything involving lots of buttons, fastens and generally "fussy" isn't get with my badly damaged paws unless you want to spend time out helping me with it when you go to the loo and all that.

All that gets lost in the "all T Gurls", "All sissy should" wear this and this talk you find in some circles totally ignoring your needs and why they're there.

For some of we'll be returning to some sort of studying or other next month which I'm sure we'll be looking forward  toward which kind reminded me of this perennial problem area.

I had been thinking about getting more hands on at one particular site but feel it may not be to the best interests of my emotional well being, not that I wasn't able to do it, quite the opposite actually as I could do it well, but rather it may put me in more triggering situations that have taken me long time to recover from.

I am more feeling that looking after my needs is not only better for me personally - and I do matter - but I can do more of what I feel helps from the sidelines.

Chaos inc!

Ooo er, If I tried that around around here I'd be in some serious trouble for sitting on top the table although to be honest I am a  bit prone to plonking myself on anything flat and convenient if truth be told.
The full account will be told on another blog but one thing I do find is I get very anxious especially when it doesn't appear anything is really anchored because I struggle without being given the ropes of structure and this easily feeds into my behaviour at times.
I was supposed to be attending a wedding social get together  this weekend gone and believe me given the lack of clear information about what was happening, when it was and the overall picture you'd of thought it was covered by the Official Secrets Act as I was told next to nothing and attempts to try and get any further information just hit a brick wall.
First we had a communication saying in effect keep the day clear then an official invite for a social gathering from around two to eleven pm so having checked during the week I was to for around six pm making arrangements for my food as in cooking a joint only to find on the Sunday in a phone call all that was off - the planned wedding elsewhere was called off - and it was going to happen in two hours time.
A Quick phone call to the grooms father established that even he knew nothing until the middle of the day before and he was to witness it!!!
This meant some rushing about trying to get changed quickly and reorganizing my transport to get there as I was told I needed to attend.
Well, I was nervous before we started as I find being with people, being able to 'read' their clues and that difficult as I didn't want to mess up socially and this didn't really help any so I made of point in keeping a couple of things in my trouser pocket to use to 'stim' with if needed but I managed to steady my nerves so I could interact a bit with people although it was funny when someone said who's the school girl in her uniform!
I also played a bit with fluorescent pink and green sticks as everything had a spooky theme.
I think I did okay coping with the chaos surrounding event  which goes to show I'm getting betterer at this than I used to be.
Like I did end up on a good set of notes not least attending on my terms and showing many difficulties aside I can be far more responsible than my younger brother when it comes to dealing with changed circumstances and focusing on what really matters. I think cuteness comes from within  actually, not that cannot look attractive and dress in a cute way if that's you because it's how you see things and act upon them and for me there's a direct practically child like way of doing this which isn't studied or otherwise affected. That's the thing with me, you don't get 'adult' games going on because they aren't in me and moreover I don't even understand how you might even play them so in 'adult' situations I am a 'innocent abroad' and am actually a lot more vulnerable than you may think. You may call that 'cute'. It's just me being me!

Letter writing weekend

A scene from the past? Well I'd be in some very serious trouble for cheating like that and I recall well at boarding school a classmate too who wasn't the popular kid in class for bragging and being somewhat priggish did try the concealed note trick for an exam and got caught out.
It brought a smile upon my face!
Another great story was the kid aged 14 who was in an electrified wheelchair who writing his Geography homework about Japan wrote of his extensive trips and personal knowledge that he sure couldn't of had although Ronnie was a gas to be with. He'd been clearly caught out plagiarizing a book from the library as there was no way he'd of gotten the bottom of the seabed!!!
As my Papa knows whatever my failings are I'm never that dishonest as hard going as studying can be for me like this weekend where I was working on understanding the types of writing, the typical format and structure of each and the style and tone doing exercises in rewriting from supplied information letters and articles in all  five of them.
That's to develop competence and confidence in using them in everyday settings to help me do more for myself and my BFF, Lucy, support each other in our studying in addition to generally getting our lives together.
After that I listened to some music to relax and chatted cos too much studying and no fun isn't any good for me as much as having to settle down and do some structured activity is.

Pay attention Jo (yet another study weekend)

This was typed between bit of spare time this weekend where it was bright and sunny although not exactly warm here not that it stops his Gingerness from being out for hours at a time.

"Cheer up, Girls, it can't surely be that bad" is the thought that enters my mind looking at that picture and the desks we sat at one by one until my secondary education were similar for those of us brought up with rote learning and the notion the teacher delivering the lesson to the class.
This weekend I've been studying  with an English practice on an extract from Oscar Wilde's The Picture  of Dorian Gray which was more about how to answer questions long answers where there is not a clue in the question as the what in the extract you need to look at and where necessary quote from.
Not wishing to sound like I'm on repeat, but my reading age is barely in double digits so reading it for the gest of the story was very hard going but I managed 90% in this.
The other part of the study is my favourite subject  -NOT- Math looking at working out Areas, Circumferences, Diameters and Radius using formulas for squares, circles, rectangles and triangles (right angled and others) in addition to learning about Solids and Nets which involves having to use ordinary math.
Although part of the formula wasn't properly explained so I had to work it out for myself, I did actually get 100% on this unit which is pretty amazing.
I'd like to thank Papa Bear for his supporting me, he's a lovely, firm but fair guy who believes in me probably more I've done in the  past to be honest and everyone else who does helping me grow.

Final January study weekend

If you looked around of Friday and nothing seemed to have changed, that's okay cos I didn't make a optional late week entry.

Anyway, this Saturday saw me working at English looking at different styles of writing, formal and informal, the sort of language, sentence structure and introductions, concluding paragraphs and the way you sign letters.
Writing I learned can be about many things thing, such as stories, essays, informing, explaining ,advising and persuading people by argument and how each has their own needs to be effective.
As well, I learned about the importance of planning what you write, setting the topic, the points or when it comes to stories, the plot, seeing it through to a conclusion that leads to the reader understanding fully what you were saying.
It's very tempting to just plow on with an idea very much as it comes to you without really making sure at the end you've fully covered everything that's relevant to it and while it's possible in the age of the text writing program to change things, it's still more time consuming to rework everything compared to just setting down and making a plan.
Structuring matters especially to ending a piece of writing, which has never been my strong point as while I did lean how to write a decent business letter at college a good number of years back, everything we did was very business orientated including how to compose telegrams.
The other area of English I did was around Reading, looking at descriptions and how authors compare and contrast characters answering questions on extracts including quoting to back up the points in my answers.
I got 100% in one test and 70% in the second, which for someone with my disabilities is pretty good going.
On Sunday because I'm better now, I had math work to get on with such as looking at using and calculating Ratios, working out Units and Money (the making sense of that I really struggle with in shops).
That sort of thing can help if you're trying to figure what's the best offer in the shops, what the total cost of things are and how much change should have cos as embarrassing as it is it's all stuff that adds to the other aspects of being out, shopping emotionally that soon takes me into very negative oppositional behaviour.
In addition I have Long Multiplication and Division to work at which I struggle with, being warned of consequences if I flat out refuse to try get to grips with them cos I'm like that at times.
I did the tests on this and I got them all right just using paw, pencil and paper.
My BFF suggested trying a Times Table cd to help me learn my Times Tables as I struggle with them so I got one, copied it and it lives on a portable player so I can both learn and keep them them fresh in my head.
Knowing my times tables helped me especially with long division  which I think was the big problem at school - taking to take me to more advanced work without really grasping the basic things - so I just dug my heels in.
Thanks to everyone not least my BFF for supporting me checking in across the two days.
Lucy, you're a star!

Looking back at structures and the need to be little

I'm late writing this but it something I needed some inspiration from and it only just arrive which is why I'm late todays.
I was talking with someone about the past, yes I know we has a present an' a future too but the past has lessons for you and is after all where you started out from and some of ideas I think are worth sharing.
One is given our chronological (so-called real life) ages, we've seen the world and the Countries we've lived in change from when we were little girls quite dramatically with the removal of many a Dictator, the greater freedom of expression of thought, religious beliefs and for differing ways of life.
We can to a very large extent say what with think without being arrested or effectively suppressed, in countries that had one majority faith, we can join and practice freely another and this is good.
One thing that perhaps for some of us is a negative is the way in which we've moved from very prescribed boundaries to such a state of rampant individualism that challenges any notion of social norms in our society.
We care less about how what we do may impact on others, the sense in which we are (and certainly I and people of my generation) felt being a part of a society that had shared aims and standards of behaviour in public at least. Everybody pretty much knew what was expected of them and that included respect for (adult) authority at home, at school, in the workplace never mind that of the Police even if they weren't perfect.
Today it seems that very much the idea of any respect for social rules has gone-want that seat on the train, grab it even if has been reserved, if at odds with each other in the street then call each other cuss words loudly in front of the under 12's, and so on to the point that it's hardly surprising that the only rules teens see exploring their emerging selves is that of own peer group in that way. While we tested the boundaries too, you knew adult authority would step in and critically your own folks would support them as having been punished for coming home the worse for drink once I'm well aware of shall we say.
For some us part of our being 'little' be it in caregiver relationships, or being just 'a little' may stem from a longing for those certainties be they from your own upbringing or perhaps looking back on those of others, you wish for them.
It provides some of the structure  we find ourselves craving.

Summer and Middledom

Oyez, Oyez,Oyez!
Miss Joanne has her Summer school dress in dark blue with pocket on the right!

It's nice soft and very comfortable and is very much a part of me really and while in the UK you'd associate it more with rising 5 through 11+ schoolgirls in some countries such as Australia you'll see similar dresses wear in high school no doubt with an eye to those hot humid conditions so I could wear this around my 'presenting age'.
I was having some interesting interactions at one site this week around a topic that has cropped up before connected with that last sentence.
You know, you can slice this broad adult littles thing up many ways and lots of individuals do of which the two most common are by those who do wear diapers or by presenting ages although it's possible to have both as in real life I knew teens in diapers cos for them it was a medical, disability related thing.
Although every one of us has our own unique feel for it, there are three main age related categories whose majority accepted definitions I'll go through.
Adult Baby, this is fairly self explanatory and quite simply means the person while an adult is in the headspace of a baby with  related interests and would be up to three years of age.
Although many do, this need not include diapers or the intended usage of and wearing diapers of itself doesn't make you one.
The widest group you'll hear of is that of Adult Littles which can get a bit confusing  as that's also the generic term for all of us, but strictly speaking adult littles are those who identify  as between 3 and 12 years when in regressed headspace, in otherwords the age range that in England goes from Pre-school through last year at Primary School.
In terms of interests and activities we're looking very much at cartoons, stickers, colouring, toys including blocks.
The group to whom this interaction was more interesting in was that of Middles which is a term spoken much of less of  but generally refers to those who identify more with teen interests and  the question was put politely to me a few times to which do I identify?
That is a very good question because my upper limit is around 12-13 which puts me midpoint although I can regress down a few years too.
Having thought about it, I think I'd say Middle first, because a good number of the things that interest me come from there such as more teen centred animes although there is a quite a carry over from the more Littles side when it comes to play and colouring for instance with me which reflects how my disabilities impact who I can do and enjoy.
The other area being some of needs I have cross from that sense of feeling powerful at ten and 11 to the boundary pushing mid teens requiring copious amounts of patience and understanding as well as undivided attention.
Allied to these changes can be issues such as brattiness and challenging authority requiring love, guidance and discipline of which (cough) I'm getting a good deal of as you navigate the World increasingly more by yourself and to which is really helping with the behavioural and attitude issues I've had on my 'adult' side.
The perfect summary was provided by one person I encountered who described themselves as Middle with a little ones side and that's how I see me although I don't feel any of us need keep ourselves to activities and events to just any one group so long as we're able to get a lot from them.
In other words, while defining  yourself is fine, don't be exclusive with it in your littles life.

 

The needs of littles

I'll begin this entry by first of all thanking the current 18 followers of my Tumblr which isn't a replacement for my blog just a place where random posts that wouldn't of necessarily fitted in here go and a place where between us there's an exchange of ideas and points of view around being a little or perhaps more accurately for me , a middle where we're not bashing each other.
As one unfortunate side of  being me is I have migraines frequently, this is being typed in advance as I sense one come on and I'll polish it after being out of commission for a few days.
That takes me to the start of this piece which is that many littles, me included, need a sense of routine around our lives in order to feel secure emotionally being neither lost in world that might appear to be quite random or worrying be that the worry of not knowing what'll happen next or the worry of strange situations and people.
Actually most people do have set routines that they feel the need to complete usually around say eating routines such as getting up and having a round of toast and coffee not thanking you for changing it, but can deal with re-ordering events reasonably well which if you've ever been stuck in an airline terminal for hours you'll understand. It's just rather more intense for a good number of us. The world is out of control and we can't stand it! For me such things as colouring, school work, playing and so on all help to keep me calm.
Routine does almost invariable lead us into structure and while it's generally agreed most folks need some structure -changing the day structure around as people who work night shifts do creates issues - generally speaking for most adults they can create their own structures, for a number of us we're lost without one being in place, knowing such things as who is doing what, what are we exactly to do and who is in charge that for some of us is critical because we respond better for being in situations where effectively we're told we're now going to do this now rather than being relied upon to somehow read the unspoken signs.
It's hardly surprising therefore that for a number of us we miss greatly the structure of school to the point whereby we may role play it and that's indicative of  a need I feel.
Positive reinforcement comes in to as I suspect for a whole host of reasons: a number of  us have issues around self esteem, feeling less than confident in our abilities needing that  encouragement, that we're fine, what we're doing is okay turning out fine and as people we're good. Fortunately I get a lot of that in the workplace that helps when I'm battling with insecurities and can see if I was in relationship I'd need 'grooming' taking you back to that "That's a good girl stage".
To me these are among some of needs we have and are critical to be meet for our well-being  for me personally coming to terms with them has been a great help rather than just denying their existence.