Past childhood into new adult-childhood

In some ways this post is a complementary post to this post The return of the original Famous Five  on Monday's  regular blog really because reading is a part of my regression, a getting back to my natural child-like state that puts me in Little Space as such as it is about maintaining my limited ability to read and from that to learn about new things and new words.
Sometimes people argue about  you can't have parts in your Little Space that are not of the era you were brought up in as if they are not emotionally an authentic part of you so that if say you were brought up in say the nineteen fifties, you cannot have plushies or have say books from other eras.
In my regressed world you can add some things into it so say dollies can be complemented by say a Care Bare or Hello Kitty Plushie because it's function and utility to is the same, you play with it, it comforts you as hold and hug it as the inner child you are.
In much the same way to read say the books of Jacqueline Wilson is a part of understanding a part of contemporary childhood with the objects and experiences our age in it, that can aid me understand more of this age I'm travelling through as the hybrid adult-child I am.
The core though is very much routed in era I was brought up in not least the extent to which the stories I read or were read to me reflected the social norms around us even though things were and did change over time and in that context re-writing them so much of the social structure is missing but the dialogue sounds dated even for those of us who lived through the nineteen seventies and eighties just muddles it all up.
One might as well say for arguments sake have " Noddy goes to school" re-written by (insert editors) based on a story by Enid Blyton  as miss out the whole section when in the class room a slipper is hanging by the chalkboard and when a child is naughty, is instructed to fetch it but hesitates, Noddy (trying to be obliging and not realizing what it symbolizes) says "I'll fetch it for you miss!" because that was just how it was like in the first year of Infant school where we got a few spanks in front of the class as we all learned school discipline as a class.
Such things were and are part of the authentic emotional sense of the inner-child me tapping into my experiences and to part of how we were brought up and part of Caregiver to little re-parenting.
Consider this quote:
 
"Big-Ears the goblin was always on the look-out for anything he could take. Sometimes it was an apple off a barrow, or off somebody's tree. Sometimes it was a biscuit from the counter of Mr. Butter the grocer's and sometimes a few flowers from a garden.

He was too clever to be found out, which was a pity, because a good spanking would have done him a lot of good, and might have stopped his bad ways. But nobody ever spanked him or locked him up for a night, so Big-Ears grew worse and worse. "

 It's from the "Hi Feather-tail!" Noddy story in Enid Blyton's Sunshine collection where clearly we are talking about teaching Big-Ears right from wrong from an early age in they way that was the norm then. No 'but they have (insert) syndrome so they can't help it and there is an implicit idea that it's the adults who are to work on managing your behaviour so you learn to however difficult it may be. You learn social limits, not be exempted from them.

It is very relevant because truthfully I had the same traits as Big-Ears, was pretty good at not being found out so my behaviour had gotten worse and worse in my hybrid adult-child life and why it is spanking has been put back into it, to re-parent me in the way we were expected to so so adult-child me learns to conform.

Or take the following exchange from Claudine at St Clare's one of six novels in the St. Clares girls boarding school series Enid wrote:

"If I wasn't in the fourth form I'd give you the hardest spanking you've ever had in your life, Angela. A good spanking would be the best thing you could have."

"Nobody has ever laid a finger on me in my life."
The first person speaking is Carlotta, the wild ex circus girl who is a Prefect and that is Angela's  retort.
 This like the other quote has now been removed from current editions on sale  but it rings very true in that Prefects and Head Girls did have that delegated authority with one threatening me with quite a spanking if I was caught smoking in school.
It also had to be said, it wasn't just them that did, so did teachers.
My work for a period had fell from  mediocre at best level - my school reports are a source of shame -  to that of not paying any attention and failing on several occasions to complete homework with clear warnings so I was kept back one lesson by my Geography Mistress Miss Thomson who took me into a store room and gave me a quite hard spanking because she felt it was what I needed as I was at risk of flunking my upcoming final examination. It was the best thing that happened to me because I actually passed it even though my work was usually poor and my other grades were up.
That was the kind of thing that was not so much the core plot but very much in the background of those stories I loved by Enid Blyton such as the girls boarding school  Malory Towers, St. Claire's series and referenced in the Famous Five.
For being there you got more of a feeling of how each character felt, empathizing with them in their situations that you also knew of that either wholesale deletion of a paragraph or  replacing the word with a say scolding doesn't work because expecting a scolding feels different than say expecting a spanking.
What happens is therefore more believable for being set with the social expectations and sanctions of that very era where pretty much everything else is at odds with Twenty-first century  Britain anyway.
It is in the form of novels, a depiction of the world that in the past I was brought up in so in their attempt to render a depiction of the past in terms that are seen as 'right on' so-called 'politically correct' is in so may ways a tampering with our recollection not just of these texts and how they they were a part of our lives but also of our recollection of the world as it was as that child around seven to thirteen as we lived it.
Grown ups are more than entitled to debate the rights and wrongs of our era (although a return to that era's values and sanctions is helping me no end) but in airbrushing the world we knew, they are not simply disrespecting us who loved reading these books at the time, enjoying re-reading them later in life, they fail to give a basis to explain to newer young readers the difference between now and then, muddling up the past.

The return of the original Famous Five

This edition, composed on the JoBook is part of a restoration theme I touched on on Friday being linked in part to getting back in touch with some people I was close to a few years who may have some different reasons for their interest than I but is a place where I can discuss that side of reading that for me is rooted as much part with my past and present child-like sense of being as much as a love of reading, my difficulties with reading aside.
Enid Blyton was as no doubt for many of us in the British Commonwealth the author we were introduced by schools and parents keen for us to reading something other than comics and preferable to the big threat of our era, the TV in the corner which was feared for turning us into passive unthinking consumers.
She wrote for all ages although there was a age-range guide for each series so we'd start with something like Noddy or Mr Twiddle which I loved and move through to a series like Malory Towers and the Famous Five to the very top end Junior Fiction and the cusp of Young Adult Fiction and adult fiction often tied to what we studied for English Literature around our mid teens.
I'm revisiting the Famous Five series after talking about them in 2012 mainly because of they way chunks of the situations around the lives of George, Dick, Julian, Anne and Timmy the dog have been altered dramatically that they no long ring true even if the basics of the plot remain.
What I'm in process of doing is replacing these somewhat altered versions with originals from the 1950 and 60's in hardback form.
Although much of the adventure and the sense of being young are universal across each era's children inevitably it is set in the past with it starting in 1942 and ending in 1963 so as amazing as it may sound one thing is they used a different currency and with it a different sense the value of things. 
This was one of the first things to be changed following the UK adopting decimalization in 1971 was references to money and strangely enough the decision by one paperback publisher to put all the children in Jeans even though that wasn't what was worn back then  plus ignores a common theme in the novels which is how 'George' rejects femininity as expressed in dresses and ribbons in preference to the shorts of boys and boyish pursuits.
At a stroke a big part of her gender role rebellion is diminished by removing the contrast to that societies norms.

My start point in revisiting the series begins where I first met them in chronological childhood  and that's with the first three novels that were put in an omnibus edition which to be honest is how most likely I'd of been given these novels and so I got a 1964 copy of "The Famous Five Big Book".
That contains the very first story Five on a Treasure Island that sets very much the scene introducing us not just to the Island and the children but also to their families and the social order within it, not least that the adults are the Authority Figures and that the children are spanked (and expect to be) which was the norm back then.
More recent editions remove that completely and attempt to suggest a more negotiated form of parenting that simply wasn't the case and what the children  who read the stories originally would not of recognized because the lives of Julian, George, Anne and Dick where very much like theirs in that way!

Some of the copies I have do have their original dust jackets, some of which are like this - a little the worse for wear although I used transparent tape to repair a few tears on this one - that are enjoyable to look at although because so many got lost or badly damaged copies with them tend to at a premium regardless of the actual condition of the book itself.
For me then while I love the dust jackets, it's the original text and the illustrations by Elaine Soper that have never been surpassed that are the reasons why I'm replacing the other set and enjoying re-reading the stories as they were originally written as I identified with them as that child.
I don't appreciate having my memories messed with.

Links:
Famous Five 21 book set (Joanne is reading for pleasure)

Light and Shade

Sometimes you might think this life may be either all matter of fact or really a rather austere, feeling like you're on the edge of your seat at all times and it's true much of what you on blogs on Tumblr and that seems to have that kind of  trope running through it.
Well it's not for all of us and certainly not in mine as there's much sweetness and light  that starts from our morning exchanges with heaps of wit and humour like when I say I'm exploring the kitchen on all fours and  my Caregiver just says "Hmm better be careful of your bottom, it's such a appealing target like that!" playfully hinting of a smack or two with no malice or anything. With us even something that reference spanking can be fun cos we knew when things are being for laughs between us and when it's serious.
So in certain ways it almost mirrors the kinds of childhood experiences most of us had and how that made it easier as we got older to discern more subtler emotional means in how the people around us interact.
Authority figures played with us even if had a more serious role like showing how to do something or being the class teacher because they saw that helped us relate to them as much as we learned to pay attention following their rules.
Even if I did do something to which He (or anyone else for that matter) had little alternative than to go give me a spanking, it doesn't matter how red my bottom may of become, afterwards it's all over with and I'll be laughing and playing with them as if nothing had happened.
That's cos as far as any adult authority figures  go I'm just a good girl who  makes mistakes for which I'm corrected to help me learn from them and so there's no reason we can't go back to having fun in our relationship one that's taken care off which is how at at boarding school going from sore bottom to giggling in a quarter of an hour.

Standards and their origins

One of things that does matter is telling the truth not that going by popular opinion  is it something we expect from people in positions of power such as business leaders or politicians although I feel our expectations ought to higher even if at times dashed.

The must basic reason for this is we have a need to feel the other person has a sense of honesty and integrity about them, that what they say is based on reality rather than either wishful thinking or something having no basis at all in fact.

Most of us can understand  and relate to what are sometimes called 'magical thoughts' where belief is suspended because the illusion of say" seeing an elephant fly" is preferable to us than the reality which is of course that they cannot. That whole notion is very child-like and because we saw it in our imagination it may feel real but isn't.

Telling the whole truth is something we can all struggle with especially if by doing so it shows us  in a poorer light so we do not so much say something it isn't true: we omit that which  shows our culpability and responsibility for what really transpired.

If there is a hierarchy when it comes to this it is the outright lie, the very thing that had no basis in reality at all that takes pole position.

We use it to place ourselves where we were not, to claim credit for things we did not do, to transfer the blame from us to others when we have done wrong and remove ourselves from situations where we had a responsibility but chose not to exercise it.

I am - and my Caregiver amongst others expects me to -  tell the whole truth at all times and whenever I'm not there's no question of not being punished because of its seriousness.

Two steps forward and one step back

This week I messed up pretty badly although across the range I hadn't been doing too badly at all even getting the blogs out on time and the English work I was set on Friday for this weekend done in very good time.

What happened was I woke up one night with my mind whirling ten to the dozen which wouldn't of been so bad other for being a little after three in the morning and having had little really deep sleep before, I grabbed my computer and went online not stopping until a quarter to eight when I went downstairs for breakfast.

I was okay for a bit but by Ten I was starting to feel really off, not really alert and even yawning struggling to find the energy to eat so I had to rest for the reminder of that day. 

This resulted in me getting twelve swats from the hairbrush and quite a lecture on the importance of getting a good nights sleep in which really stung which was really the point behind this as it had been eighteen months or so since I did anything like this and they didn't want me to revert to the bad habits I had back then.

Some people might think just talking about the issues at an intellectual level would work but with me it simply doesn't not least because there's a large time lag between what you may say and the time any of its significance going in and when it does it gets jumbled up badly.

One other thing is guilt which I was talking to a few friends in similar situations about this week, which is if you just rely on either trying and usually failing to talk me though what went wrong and agree some actions or decide just to sidestep it as it won't do any good, then over time as bits start to make their way toward where my thought processing brain parts are, I begin to feel very ashamed and guilty to the point it pulls down everything I need to do and even sends me down the path of feeling useless and dreading being with people spiralling to point of avoiding contact.

For me spanking gets your message through better and much quicker enabling me to be 'reset', given some guidance and returned to something like normality which is much less harmful to me than anything else. 

It's enabled me to feel able to be with groups of people knowing if I do mess up, someone will deal with it in a way that works for me, helping me follow everyone else's rules and expectations better. And it has.

Rest day edition

Hi and for readers in the States happy labour day.
I'm a bit late getting this blog entry started not least with being poorly for quite a bit of the week and then busy with other things like the resumption of schooling on G.I., doing some background work for an activity toward next February Camp I'll be doing and so on.

It's a time a time of year associated with last minute return to school purchases such as pens and geometry sets through to school uniform which the recent closure of all BHS stores in the UK reminds me of as that was the first store where the whole pull toward buying actual items of uniform for me came from and it has to be said the quality of their stuff was very good.
I can remember buying lots of stuff around  this time not least long  socks and it would survive pretty much the heavy washing routines at home well
I am doing some tidying up tm stuff at various sites altering layouts, changing the odd avatar to spruce it up and help make using it for me a fun thing as with lots of sites you really have pick just a few you can be active on and given the changes that have occurred over the last year that's one thing I'd like to resume in a measured way.
I like to stay in touch with people who care about me more like my BFF and next best friend at FA rather than feeling everything's been dropped for those that are really keeping me just for themselves cos surprisingly enough I'm a social creature.

Littleness, regresssion and age-play

As ever on Tumblr there's a battle going on between people over what being a little is and any involvement of those under 18 in it however as ever there is more heat than light being generated by the keyboard warriors with many meme's and posts being put up and commented on.
This one is quite well intentioned in trying to explain the difference between age-playing and what emotionally appropriate behaviour that comes from being in actual state of regression where your responses come from the child within and less than any kind of scripted character you play.

 I do feel they have however got Little Space actually quite wrong because that is the emotional and behavioural environment  that as  a person who has regressed you have got into - you feel and so respond as that child - and not the act of being a little.
To get into it it is true you need to regress or otherwise release that child within an adult body or if you are like me not to have developed into it fully anyway.
There are some who are trying to put in a schism between the ChIRes advocates of littleness by regression and that of Caregiver/littles who are being characterized as a part of of the more 'adult' bsdm side.
For  me the whole point in a CG/l relationship is effectively that while in that headspace the Caregiver is providing the love, nurturing and support that is the equal of a parent or guardian arising from those needs as their little you have.
It is not necessarily sexual although some may enjoy that however meeting any sexual needs may find themselves which might be only in their 'Big' side of life.
They are not so much opposites degrees in which individuals chose to live their lives making informed decisions recognizing as appropriate the issues of informed consent as the bottom line always is that as adults legally only we can consent-minors regardless of any other feelings simply cannot deemed the responsibility of others such as parent(s) or guardians.