Closing the chapter week

I guess the first thing I wish to do is to thank everyone who either left comments  on the blog or at certain sites regarding last weeks entry cos I wasn't in truth sure how to write something that payed homage to my friend that also acknowledged those differences between us.
I have been in touch with that common friend since.
Things are slowly working there way through which these things do with the date for the cremation being fixed and so at an emotional level I've been tying up as many loose ends as possible to help that whole process of moving on.
I have been continuing on with my exercise even with the heavy rain and as at this weekend heavy intermittent showers, pausing as I felt the need to reflect on past events and let those emotions out rather than holding them in as I have in the past.
Just being in the open air, looking at the fields, watching the lambs going 'Baa' while the birds twitter overhead and the horses are also out dashing toward the fence as you look on all is helping reset me.
It's certainly more settling than current international relations are I can tell you.
I'm also working on a pet project that despite one  false start should prove useful for me as time goes on.

R.I.P Susan

First off thanks two my two recent followers on this blog.
Secondly we're looking back this week at the life of a person who was an important part of my life recently.

Part of what lead to more exploration of this life of mine is tied up with someone, namely Susan who had MS that died Tuesday last and whose death I have been struggling with over the last few days.
They had a Grammar School education with a bias  toward the arts and humanities that showed itself in the breadth of general knowledge they had coupled with razor fast wit.
Like much of this side of my life it started out when I got online and I joined a site which is no longer with us called Experience Project was set up by a lot people with M.S. as a means of sharing experiences but it wasn't long people they moved beyond  M.S. and into all sorts of things that were in peoples lives.
It would of been around 2010 that I encountered user NaughtySusi around a period where I had looked at some sites connected around people whose lives are more like a child's but had a ton of issues with and I found groups she had joined and written stories and experiences connected around being a little and in particular around adults who relive their school days in various ways  such as restudying school subjects, the wearing of (traditional) school type uniforms and particularly here in the UK, those who do have a longing for and prefer to get school type discipline such as spanking that existed in state schools until 1987.
It was through reading these entries and corresponding through comments, messaging on site and later on email that we both explored our interests in all three and after a while, I was able to meet several people face to face on a site that was more around Adult Littles without  a constant backdrop of at the time very out of hand sexual content and contact by 'sissies'.
It was no accident the first time I met her and two other people I was dressed as a school girl because through a fairly austere upbringing and personal disabilities I wasn't given nor capable of going down the more frilled and pastelish pretty little girl side and at the first big gathering where I met a good many others including my second bestest friend I presented to them as that.
It wasn't long before I started to go to bigger meet ups and when I did until mid 2016, I was always with her and a n other staying with them before travelling down to where we all stayed for several days before returning and making my way back home.
One of their strong points was cooking and until retiring they had been a Meat Technician for a Butchers so she could turn any piece of meat into a delicious meal and on a number of occasions had cooked with the help of others full cooked dinners where we met up as it was self catering with a big kitchen area.
Another was their general knowledge which she put to good use in running quizzes at various events.
As I mentioned in this blog in late 2014 because of issues I was having around my attitudes and behaviours that lead to the resumption of spanking and parenting but this was a topic that initially both of us had talked of some years before which after a while I did openly show  my interest around having this as an 'adult'.
It wasn't long after we met up face to face that I actually saw first hand she had actually got it arranged that she was and while much took place in private, more lighter hand spanking and corner time was done in my company.
I began to feel that I wanted to experience this whenever I was with them and their friend not least because in many ways I was being supervised more like a child and so I plucked up the courage to broach the subject.
They formed an agreement to spank me with no exceptions starting very much as they meant to go on with a paddling, brought in more chores and contributing in my relationship with them and Susan took an interest in this understanding how much I badly needed it.
Given how much this helped to change things for the better  for me, this is something I am most grateful for her exploration and encouragement to have myself spanked for my own good.
In any relationship, there are always somethings you may not see eye to eye on and it is fair to say gender politics and devolution were two we strongly disagreed over and whereas I was for being more circumspect around giving opinions not requested, she was not. What you saw was what you got unwrapped up.
As time went by, it became more obvious to me at least, her MS was progressing as she felt more in discomfort, started to have more issues with balance, eventually requiring a electric wheelchair to get any distance.
Indeed in some respects the last big meet up she attended brought much of this into focus not being able to take part in the outdoor activities or those that required going upstairs and spending quite a bit of her time having a drink and the odd smoke (although she was cutting them down) whereas in the past she was involved more to the point of being able to go to nearby park and 'play'. I think while there she sensed that.
Telling she didn't make the 2016 Halloween meet up at her friends nor any of the subsequent events we normally attended although if I was at her friends she'd phone and talk with us such as at last years Halloween party.
As painful as this is for all of us who were in her life right now, I feel she's very much at peace and so its better to give thanks for the life she lived, her involvement in ours and personally for what she gave freely to me.
Thanks for being in our lives, Susan.
x

Comic memories

After last weeks ouchie experiences my mind drifted back a bit to when it was my Gran was still about and not least comics cos she always bought me a comic every week I'd go visit here or if I couldn't they would be saved up until I could.
I didn't generally go much for superman hero type comics but more regular girl or mixed gender ones although I did read the cartoon strips in newspapers .
I also did buy cartoon books usually a yearly annual that collected the whole series on better quality paper and in hindsight it had to be said some of them did have spanking depicted in them because in that era it was just a social norm as it was for us too.

We'd just laugh our socks off at this whole situation envying Superman for his heat resistant can take anything behind.
I also at one time had a annual that had a multi page strip series about the a well to do mother struggling to control her teen daughter using the then contemporary pop psychology of just ignoring episodes as they were 'phases' you'd go through and grown out of which I suspect was a thinly disguised dig at Doctor Spock's child rearing guidance and his followers where she just tears up that guidance and takes her across her lap for a hairbrushing!
Actually this week I've been pretty good, helping out, not making messes and have managed to walk the furthest I've done for years without getting out of breath that helps with weekends as the meals tend to be bigger and more loaded with fats and that although this weekend I had some community magazines to deliver on foot plus a card for Mommy.
I'll just slowly work my way through the easter egg and chocolate concentrating on being good I think.

One mistake and....

I had been pretty good over the last couple of months even with rather more than is desirable on my mind but I slipped up the other day  when really I had no reason to at all.
I usually get my breakfast which isn't too hard of a thing for me to do except in my rush to quickly get it rather than making sure the cereal pack top was wide enough for it come through into my bowl and if needs be widening it just poured it into my bowl and it went everywhere!
I thought I'd picked it up but was dragged back in to see there were mounds still on the floor and moreover I hadn't told anyone who could of helped me remove it all.

That meant going over a lap for a spanking because I was careless and not fully responsible in dealing with what I did.

 However I may attempt to wrap it up and sometimes cover the odd reference to  this from my other blog, one of the things I have learned truthfully I cannot contest that the use of the Hairbrush on me is very effective, improving my general behaviour.
As an implement, one thing certainly has going is it never looks at of place so it can be a 'at hand' means of spanking me no matter who may be around as nothing would suggest anything odd to visitors.

Thoughts on reaction to Steven Hawking's death

As I'm laying resting my damp bones here it has been snowing hard so I thought I'd write a few thoughts up around disability in the light of Professor Steven Hawking's death not least reaction to that as much had been written not just around his intellectual and professional achievements being inspirational but also of his Motor Nurone disabling him.

 (Source: ITW)
One reason actually I've chosen this picture with Steven on the far left was it was taken in 1977 and like him I also used a BEC electric wheelchair which were made in the Black Country around the same era, showing him with his then wife and children, being a family.
Steven's condition left him with what I'd call an 'output problem', one in a differing context I share  where while he knew - and was very gifted intellectually - what he wanted to communicate, putting that over especially into words was hard going and required assistive technology.
In one sense I feel Steve's achievements showed physical disability by itself isn't a barrier to learning in an era when many physically disabled children received a sub-standard education taking no public examinations because of the attitude of "You won't be able to get on in life" and Steven himself received a Grammar School education prior to developing MND.
The otherside of some public reaction to seeing that is to argue every disabled person is capable of learning to the same degree which I'd say isn't true even if there is a lot of mileage in saying different ways of teaching do aid learning  and the traditional one whole learning style approach doesn't work making learning harder for those of us with learning difficulties.
The other area is that his achievements were aided by the support he received in studying and personal care tailored around his needs and the times he required that whereas many disabled people in education often receive little and those outside feel they spend more of their time on battling to get appropriate personal needs paid for and met. It's not unknown for disabled people to put to bed as early as 8PM because it suits the care system who provide home helps where you may wish to be out for longer.
Influence at least in this society does make a difference and the sort of family and social class does count for something not that I'm personally against using any connections to advance you or your families needs being recognized and he was in a better position than many in that respect.
That support can make or break your attempt to break out of the cycle of low achievement helping the individual  to make the most of their abilities including their academic and vocational ones  many disabled people through no fault of their own find themselves.
So to conclude like many I was inspired by Steven's achievements and ability beyond his very real disabilities, one should not forget not everyone is the same and not all have the support system advantages he was able to get (and rightly) that greatly aided it.

Weekly reflection

 

This week as the weather has been  better for getting about so I've managed to get out and actually walk a bit further than normal getting close to what I was capable of several years back so that's been great this week.

It's so great to start to wake up to the dawn chorus now that it's getting a bit bit bright and for longer because it sounds so peaceful and when I'm out walking often I stop and listen out for them spotting them in the trees or just overhead near the fields.

Also the people who look after our Inland Waterway have been at work so I've been over there on my travels talking with them and other people about too.

It's strange but all of this actually leads to me feeling less stressed and from that much less likely to lash out at people when it just all becomes too much emotionally and when it comes to stimulation too which is a great help not just to me but Mom too.

As I'm typing this out today it's her day - what the natives here call "Mothering Sunday" - so I got her a card and present while I was in town late last week while I was out exchanging a gift voucher toward a present for my birthday.

I've also been thinking about my over 18 Tumblr and were I want to take it  so spent sometime while out thinking that through and am working on ensuring it is targeted in and around exactly what I want.

I think I'm doing good now. 

Just as this blog is about to go to press, it's been announced Professor Steven Hawking has died who like me is a quadraplegic.

He's been battling Motor Neurone disease since being diagnosed with it at university   being a electric wheelchair user but although he required considerable personal support, he went on to complete a lot of research into the Cosmos to acclaim from his peers and can be credited with helping to popularize science and break down the idea that disabled people cannot contribute to society.

He was an inspiration to me and countless others of our generation.

Coping with the weather part II and stuff

We begin this weeks entry where we left off last week with the challenges of the extreme weather we had and how that effects me.

 The weather took a turn for the worst on Thursday when an awful lot more snow came down and indeed the overnight temperatures went below minus 11 degrees C which is is 'brass monkey weather' was my mate pictured here could tell you.
The snowfall was such that I couldn't get out on foot with ice trapped underneath and many of our roads were subject to restrictions too compounded by issues on the neighbouring motorway network.
I didn't get out until the Saturday but then have had to rest my left leg since for a couple of days as in an attempt to deliver some items in in very icy conditions I strained leg muscles and badly hurt my lower leg bones making it very painful to put any weight on it.
Yesterday was a ahem special day which given the challenges I faced and was able to master seems more deserved than ever although with the weather somethings like cards were a day or two delayed arriving just in the nick of time. 
I've also been working on the 'other' Tumblr removing those who just want to live through the idea of a spanked me rather than people who are more interested around age regression, past childhoods and cute stuff even if from time to time I may get spanked.
By co-incidence my BFF was doing something similar with hers with both of us remarking when it comes to blogging and reblogging images of it it gets really quite tedious so she's posting just the things she likes posting as like me she's more than just a spanked girl.
The thing is there's been less than 2% of posts even relating to spanking on that Tumblr of mine and that for me there's nothing sexual or kink in it but their own accounts very much are and I'd rather people followed because they were interested in me as a person and are prepared to support spanking me where it's necessary to train me to do better.

 That's the thing, we're appreciative of what people are doing to help turn us around as adult but child people with the needs and issues we have using such means because it's make a difference for the good for us but we're not your entertainment.