On needs

There is this sadly unmet for many need is just that, it has a powerful emotional component that goes beyond what may need to be done in the direct physical sense (and for me personally there is), it is to loved, cared for, protected and cherished very much as that child.
It won't be many minutes right now for me that  routine will start as he gets up and addresses me as his child using his affectionate nick-name for  me and I have one for him where he will explore how I am feeling, what I need to do reminding me of things he wants me to do which sadly this week means resting cos I'm poorly.
I talk to him about his work, his interests and how he is feeling too because this is a relationship of the two of us that we need to maintain not least to enable him to provide me with that thing I need now and lacked in original childhood - a sense of being cared for, understood and where necessary corrected which he is quite firm over so I learn to take better care of me, making better choices. It is as you rightly say that constant and consistent reminder to be good, make good decisions, that they are always looking out for you that we badly need.
It fills the gap left  and even at the time not even met by parents who had lots of issues between themselves and to whom it has taken a lot of work to patch up the damage and a good number of us still hurting from those formative experiences and making that leap of faith for us is hard to

Resting paw edition

It's been a quiet week for me after Weekends schooling  where I did pretty well with my English and Math studying I had some moving of things to do with changing bits of my stereo and what was to changed was both heavy about 8 kilos, an awkward shape and needed wiring in.
The trouble is I've badly strained both my hands which as anyone who knows me are aware happen to be badly damaged from an industrial injury to the point I'm incapable of work.

Thing is this is 2016, not 1994 so it is no longer just me involved in looking after me so may ways my Caregiver has the final say in ensuring I take care of it, which as anti-inflammatories were stopped because of the problems to my tummy, means I have to rest.
To be more accurate, My caregiver has ordered me rest in order to recover as his little and any willful reckless disregarding will result  in a spanking just like it would for more tween me as I'm to take proper responsibility for my well-being and he is making me do it from now on.
This what being in a Caregiver/little relationship breaks down to: they take loving care of you as their child with them having the final say and you do what your Caregiver says or live with consequences you will be given.

Report card

My Caregiver is involved in my life  right down the line because I am his Middle and I am held to account by him which seems simple enough on the face of it.
In essence he expects us to talk about how my day has been, what I have done, how well I have been behaved with others with no omissions nor lies and he'll either reward me or discipline me depending on how it has gone.

This accountability goes into things such as my studying I am expected to tell him what my marks were, what my attitude was and he will spank me even if I have been already punished because I know what his standards are and I'm to met them.
He won't accept a lack of care or effort by me ever.
For me this is an part of his over-aching love and protection he provides to help me make the most of my life, instilling good habits in his little.

Pay attention Jo (yet another study weekend)

This was typed between bit of spare time this weekend where it was bright and sunny although not exactly warm here not that it stops his Gingerness from being out for hours at a time.

"Cheer up, Girls, it can't surely be that bad" is the thought that enters my mind looking at that picture and the desks we sat at one by one until my secondary education were similar for those of us brought up with rote learning and the notion the teacher delivering the lesson to the class.
This weekend I've been studying  with an English practice on an extract from Oscar Wilde's The Picture  of Dorian Gray which was more about how to answer questions long answers where there is not a clue in the question as the what in the extract you need to look at and where necessary quote from.
Not wishing to sound like I'm on repeat, but my reading age is barely in double digits so reading it for the gest of the story was very hard going but I managed 90% in this.
The other part of the study is my favourite subject  -NOT- Math looking at working out Areas, Circumferences, Diameters and Radius using formulas for squares, circles, rectangles and triangles (right angled and others) in addition to learning about Solids and Nets which involves having to use ordinary math.
Although part of the formula wasn't properly explained so I had to work it out for myself, I did actually get 100% on this unit which is pretty amazing.
I'd like to thank Papa Bear for his supporting me, he's a lovely, firm but fair guy who believes in me probably more I've done in the  past to be honest and everyone else who does helping me grow.

On having a Caregiver

Papa Bear is my main Caregiver.
There is a difference between being a Mentor and a Caregiver because while both have a kind of relationship between them and you and both have some element of teaching new skills and dealing with attitudes that may set you back, the main one is it has a deep  personal emotional level to it regardless of it is a 'fostering', 'live in' or long distance one.
You have this emotional connection to you Caregiver that has some level of intimacy (not necessarily sexual) that allows the use of pet names and terms between you that wouldn't be in the 'professional' ethics of a Mentor.
You are their little girl or boy to care for emotionally either face to face or virtually, spending time being engaged socially an playfully with you very much as a child, you may sit on your lap or have your hair played with or be caressed or hugged.
It just feels...different.
My Papa Bear believes strongly in reinforcing the rules about my attitudes and behaviour where he feels it needed to bring them under control as the Adult in charge of me.

I am spanked by him as he feels I need it and to be truthful there a good number of times I do and as my papa it his accepted role to raise me as his Little Girl and that includes disciplining me. I accept it because it is a part of his caring for me that he will never allow me to get away with anything that isn't in my best interests.

That care also runs into giving advice on things like when I should go bed, looking after myself when I'm unwell to help me take better care of myself so I become more responsible within my my limitations.

It's a total package.

I have been allowed to getaway with a lot in the recent past which has spoilt me and failed to correct patterns that have made lots of problems for me

Lessons from the class room for Jo.

I've  written a bit about this Weekends Studying on the main blog which also has the other entries around the start of it from the beginning of this year as it is an important part of what this year is about for me.
It is about two interlinked things: One is dealing with my actual real life weaknesses in English, particularly written and especially Math which stem from by disabilities not least dyslexia and brain damage some of which was caused directly by a playground fall which  caused my head to hit the Asphalt surface head on which left me drifting in and out of consciousness for a good number of hours.
The second is the extent to which all the above while being  a very ready impediment  to learning was affected by attitudes toward coping with my disabilities and even the extent I was to even attempt to do the very things ever other child of my age at that time was expected to do.
Some of those attitudes amounted to authorized not trying  as I wasn't expected to be capable of them so it was felt this didn't matter which of course it did as most employers and many educational institutions require good grades not least because the knowledge behind them is necessary in an advanced economy.
But in many was it went even beyond that to one of just not bothering to try anything new because a 'they' somehow would solve them problem of what to do when it comes to caring for me and having a sense of purpose.
The fact this studying has involved some rather old fashioned ideas  such as being structured (but taking into account my real needs), being expected to work hard, being given the kind of scolding prevalent then and not least being spanked for my attitude toward that when as it was at the start was laid bare in just the same some schools back then would given me regardless of my disabilities.
My disabilities don't justify not trying, in many ways it's more important for me to try than perhaps most because my need to be able to do things is greater and in the pride I feel toward doing well so far, that is the bigger thing here.
To help me grow I need to be stretched, nurtured and disciplined as part of one whole called caring for Jo.

On my attitudes

There are plus points to being very much a adult child not least when like for me it is developmentally what you are but it also means I have the same sorts of reactions as a child in certain situations leading to situations that can be trying.
One area of attitudes I do have problems in is regulating my emotions  being impulsive, quick to act and quick to just say things without understanding what is wrong with the way I'm saying it if not the words.
I tend to raise my voice to people who contradict my wants, not paying any attention to them or not  respect any authority so I challenge, make excuses for not going along with it and delay what I am told to do to 'get out of it'
I don't do as I'm told.
I appeal to authority figures but only obey you after making the appeal and then my appeal is demanding and disrespectful of your authority.
Generally I'm not prepared and willing to obey either way and accept your decision with a good attitude.
Some of this has been reinforced through being encourage to stand my ground  against anyone who'd treat me badly because of my disabilities and I'm used to going on the defensive feeling you're picking on me or feeling you should cut me a special deal.

I need you to teach me how I am to treat you and anyone else in my life who has authority over me, setting the standards and reinforcing the boundaries so I learn to instinctively respect them which I don't now.
I need you to scold and correct me so I learn what I was meant to had done when I was younger and be prepared to spank me without fail so I understand the consequences of my failure to recognize your authority over me.

Attentiveness and disciplining the disabled Middle

Another weekend and some more studying to be getting on working my way through the English work that is challenging me to plan, concentrate,  think for myself and pay attention to answering the questions correctly.

Generally paying attention leading to answering questions correctly  is something I tend to struggle with, some of is stuff I can’t help being pretty much a part of multiple disabilities I have even though I do have some ability to control which I don’t always use in the way you might, effectively telling myself “Concentrate now, Jo”.

It’s that dilemma which really is the core problem around how this has been handled from some who took no account of having the difficulties I have seeing it as ‘all attitude’ and a good many others who said “People with X do this” without considering how such an approach leads to one of not even trying to get some control  over it or self fulfilling prophesies.

In reality it is a bit of both which implies I can be expected to exercise some  responsibility for my attitude, can be expected to be held accountable failing to  and while supported in dealing with how my disabilities impact on this should of been disciplined just the same.

This is one the things that is being done for now, that people while helping me make the most of what I can do are prepared to discipline me quite strictly to ensure  I exercise the control I have  over managing my disabilities.

It is hard to be like that with me but I need it because like it or not I need to learn to do the very thing you were encouraged to do and too many people let me get away with and has has to start by sorting out my attitudes to my responsibilities. 

As a disabled Middle I need my bare bottom spanking too.