Weeks happenings

Well it has been a rough old week with the grump getting super stroppy arguing black really is white, telling you things weren't there when it was they'd put them away in a confused state and refusing to recognize that having having checked with them making plain just what was for them alone, they allege you didn't get what they wanted.

Thankfully we've calmed down somewhat over the last couple of days so at least we were able to watch the Remembrance Sunday parade without any atmospheres.

Somehow yesterday moving from where I was sleeping to getting up I got cramp in my left legfrom just below the knee to a little above the ankle with severe muscle pains so I wasn't able to move at all for several minutes and spent the rest of the day hobbling about with my walking stick going room to room.

It'll most likely subside over time given some rest but carrying things with one hand taken up with your walking stick takes some getting used to.

Recovering thoughts

If I appear to be a bit behind or generally washed out it's because for the last week and a bit I have been seriously unwell, the likes of which I haven't been for a long time and in some respects the closest to death itself even so I'm kinda playing catch up even if if I need to rest more.
I'll probably know a bit more after I've been for another blood pressure test as while being treated for the other, they spotted it was high which of itself is nothing new as it's always been that way.
I mean five years ago, we went through a whole battery of tests including 24 hour monitoring and concluded there wasn't much that really could be done and I kind of expect something similar by way of an outcome.
When it comes to the other it's going to just taking things slow as I recover and without a shadow of a doubt spending more of my time in and centred on this littler time for being not just more restful but also engaging in those more positive experiences from then as I learn to adapt.
To be honest, it seems to me the more time flies the more I'm handing back chunks of what passed for adulthood not that I could fully use it and that being presumed to be didn't create more  complications in exchange for being (and being treated as) a child in effect.
Frankly there are times when I'd sooner sign a waiver for society to treat me like that across the board as that's what I can better cope with and is so much less stressful for me and would be more straightforward for most folk too as they'd know what to doing and that much better.

Horizontal thoughts

Things are better in pink I think!

 As explained on the other blog, not much tm happened at the weekend but maybe that enforced break was a good thing in a way because it meant I used time to just switch off and relax rather than trying to get a half dozen things  together.
Sometimes just listening to story-telling can help with it outside of my regressive needs so being able to 'tune in' to a friends streamed show with messaging to kind help relax, tossing any unneeded grown up thoughts out of the window on Sunday helped.
The other thing is I feel more confident in myself, what I'm about (and what I'm not) what it is I'm trying to do knowing actually I own that that leaves me feeling more purposeful, like I'm in control here.
I walked through a door smiling with confidence.
The noise from next doors building works is a pain but I'm just going out more into the outdoors and they pack up mid afternoon and it shouldn't be that long before it's all over with with most of the roof timbers in.
Now for a Magnum icecream!

A family affair

During this week when I'm preparing for going away in a few days time, there are a couple of things on my mind.
One is my Uncle who hasn't been well for a period with Alzheimer's but by December had got the point his partner felt they had little choice other than to place him on a trail basis in a care home simply because he needed round the clock supervision as he's forget if he'd taken tablets, time of day and tellingly couldn't put names to faces.
Indeed on at least a couple of occasions to my knowledge he'd gone missing, going toward a past 'home' with no realization it was no long the one he was at.
My relationship with him as with most males in my family was one of not feeling comfortable around which was no reflection on him personally but due to ahem 'other' experiences in childhood  so until my mid teens I'd pretty much hide from him whenever we were around.
Things are concerning at the moment for him being in Hospital with a major infection which is proving hard to treat and indeed they are unable to get a camera into him to look in his system.
Moreover he just seems to be lying in bed, not saying anything from tiredness not itself being aided by not eating any food for days.
It isn't shall we say looking good at all. 
Thursday February 1st was the day in which my Aunts funeral service was held locally and what she meant to me was written on the other blog. I have been walking and looking at her house not that it was comfortable but simply because I know  I'll never be heading to or entering into it as I remembered it and so I need to say a kind of farewell to that part of my life.
My Aunt's eulogy  read out by the Minister of the chapel she grew up in as a girl was really well put together showing how her Methodist upbringing had shaped how she lived her life, a life it has to be said made difficult by severe Asthma and the care and concern she had for others.
To be with her as I was  often in difficult situations in my messy family situations even past eighteen armed with a teddy and children's books feeling misunderstood  and in need of affection one felt this.
Her home, shared at the time with her parents was in so many was a second home, a refuge where my what now would seen as littles age regressed side was a place where they accepted developmentally disabled me as that caring and dealing with that adult but child was vital and from which older members of the community learned to understand and accept me as I am. They bought me simple child-like gifts such as annuals and selection boxes  finding by valuing me what I had to offer them because love is reflected by love. Always.
Among effects I was gifted a grey and white stuffie which is pretty apt given how I am rather than anything really groan up and that it was the first place I could just be this adult-child being accepted by her and her parents without judgment.

More Study weekend

This week had a couple of totally unexpected problems that I've touched on at various sites so I don't particularly need repeat the details of what happened other than to say the combination of them plus damaging my neck accidentally had meant I haven't been feeling well over the last few days.

This weekend saw  me working on my English comprehension, working out from the text what is going on and how characters in a play or story feel by carefully reading the text looking not just what is said but how they use language to convey it.
I had to study extracts some were non fiction, others were plays and answer questions from it, quoting  to back the points I made which was fun cos if you know about something like photography and the extract is about it, you have to answer from that extract alone rather personal experience.
I also had a whole unit on Shakespeare and his plays-you can't escape him here in the Midlands-dealing with language, types of play, theatrical terms and questions on extracts to do.
I got 90% in my tests which super good for me.
Normally I'd also do the Math work but given how poorly I'd been with dizziness I was lucky to be given credit for this and excused while being expected to do as much as I can with the English because I was able to do some work and so am expected to now.
It's very different to how things were when I'd deke out of anything but the very strict, firm but fair approach that's being taken to me is helping  me take a more mature approach do dealing with my conditions. That has to be good for me.

Recovery

Monday's, eh?

That so me you know. 
These last few days have felt pretty awful as I had a migraine I couldn't shake off and I'm only just getting more up to speed and feeling brighter right now so I have to go to my room and rest a lot.
It's nothing new sadly, been  like this ever since I was small, missing a lot of my education with thing and another so I've been playing catch up in many areas of my life so actually being a middle/little makes things more bearable, like watching a favourite film time and again it's comforting.
Comforting can mean extended periods cuddling up to plushies, not worrying to much about anything that's going on in the 'big' world feeling loved as people look after you and so on so I sure don't enjoy my migraines, I don't frame them in as whole negative thing in my life cos in all that I experience good emotions and sometimes find I see situations clearer that I can use when I'm better.
Thanks to everyone at certain forums for your support.

Get set to go!

Another wet end to the week, probably going to have some chores to do this weekend as it's that time of the month so I'm writing this up in advance, ready to publish although this piece isn't the one I had I mind.

Followers -and there's 36 of them - of my Tumblr that's usually about stuff that doesn't really quite fit this blog like photo sets, will know I've been posting a bit around uniforms specifically Sailor Suits from South Korea and Japan and that one day I might just get one as I can see myself in my head wearing one.

One big difference with Tumblr is captions and photo's are often reblogged, following site trends with comments added directly in the post and recently within those I follow there's been a number around uniforms.

Now, I can't mention the 'U' word without touching on that one of kind school, GHS and it's upcoming activities as I most definitely will be in attendance although I might have to be really careful not to be put  in 'Corner Time'!   Us First Formers can be a wild bunch!!!

Not surprisingly then, for most of this week, I'll be sorting out what to take when it comes to clothes although I prefer to travel light, making sure I have things like my tickets and cellphone safe, packing away and mentally preparing myself.

It was reassuring to hear this week 'Matron' was going to look out for me as it will the first time I've been 'out' with such a lot of girls under one roof  including overnight although they're all people I know online and I've been with three before there.

Although this all kind of new to me and anything new easily leads to you feeling nervous, I am so looking forward to it.

Also on Sunday I will be putting up my HK Advent calendar which I'm really looking forward to.

Rabbit time.

Ha! Rabbit holes mean different things to different people I guess such as my part of Cheshire  has lots of them thanks to the Brine salt mining heritage that left us with that sinking feeling.
Alice this last week a friend of mine online had her Rabbit moment when a pet rabbit escaped so covered from head to toe in Alice attire, she goes to find it only to be seen by the mailman. He's not phazed by it!!!  I once had a pet rabbit with a long run too.
Alice has also been an inspiration for many a manga or anime too either as a whole theme or sole character.
I love this illustration a lot so while slowly recovering from a rotten illness I thought I'd share it with you while Beaconsfield fights it out  to mark (or not) the 75 years since Enid Blyton moved into that Buckinghamshire town.

It's a wrap!

Well, the first week of new improved life went pretty well from the ability just to do a bit a work and keep up with the lives of my work colleagues now the crazy world of paid work is over. I had a blast talking with and helping our clients out as I've so much more control over how much I take on.
I was able to spend some more time dealing with sorting out presents for people although as some of you will recall from last year with the current financial situation effecting us all, I have again parred down how much I'm spending as have those who'd usually treat me. I do sometimes wonder if we'd be better of giving more of ourselves all year round instead.
Arrangements have been made to get me to and help me throughout this years works Christmas lunch which usually involve a quiz and various presentations outside of the formal meal.
I also did some more reading last week and will be taking part in this years Winter readathon where we read a set book and discuss together which should be fun as we're tackling the first Secret Seven novel!
I've wrapped up all ready my stuff cos as I think we all know sometimes it can be hard to get folk to get you what it is you really would like for Christmas with people feeling a bit awkward and that, so to avoid that foot stamping angry protest from the Little Girl within, she's been the money to get what she would prefer with the help of her bigger side.
That makes a lot of sense really as Christmas is really important for children.

Joanne returns to school

Well I did leave a bit of a hint a few weeks back but I will be undertaking a bit of learning this term brushing up on my numeracy, penwomanship and English as for one thing I'm a litle rusty part from my dyslexia, dyspraxia and other learning disabilities I'm not too good at this stuff.Really I'm not.
I'll be doing some UK KS1/2 worksheets as appropriate to my needs each week sat at a desk suitably dressed which no doubt Jennifer would wholeheartedly approve off although sadly I won't have a Games Mistress. The rotters!!!   Playtime will happen though.
But that means I need some new tools as my tools well, there a bit old really dating from the last time I set foot in a classroom.

That's right Jennie, a circa 1977 Commodore 796M LED calculator that if you knew how you could spell words on it! I'll be getting a newer one with pink keys but in the mean time this laptop has one although I'll be only using that to check the answers with cos I really need to bring my mental arithmetic aka Math up to scratch.
Spelling as well as picking the best words for something in English isn't my strong point and you see, if your dyslexic like me, a spellchecker only gets you so far plus it often suggests world you weren't thinking of so I'm going to have to learn new words by rote and learn to use a dictionary from now on.

Well that's my old very battered one the girl immediately under the Head Girl at my boarding school gave me back in the day but apart from the seams going, English has gained quite a few new words over the years as well as some old words having newer, more current meanings that I don't understand.

Well Hello Kitty can help me learn as she's made this new version that's easier to follow and as well as having some tips on how to use words better which I'll be using.
Dyspraxia means in simple terms I have difficult making and co-ordinating small movements such as those you use to draw and critically write. It's a pain!
My handwriting  has never been good and for a period stopped completely following the industrial injury that further messed my life up (in some ways at least, in others it bought the inner kid to the fore).

I'll be following the exercises Hello Kitty uses to practise my letter drawing together with forming the shapes that make the top and bottom of letters which is something I'm really really bad at.
Sometimes even in this electronic age we need to write things and many people appreciate a hand written letter, postcard or birthday greetings card so being able to make a good job of it will be a help to me.

Disability Ettiquette and me.

I've never made a post quite on this topic before in my life but as I'm pawley (tm) at the minute typing this with one paw before more rest I thought I would.
The way you treat a person with disabilities can leave those who are not themselves disabled  unsure, some in the disabled community disagree strongly and yes for LG people like me there are other usually unseen factors. Hardly surprising then some take the line of least resistance and say nothing and yet others are at the "Does he take sugar "stage talking straight to the nearest adult near the disabled person completely ignoring them.
A few general pointers:
Talk straight to the person not being afraid to ask how they are. The time to be talking to another is when it is clear the other person isn't understanding you.Offer to write a note of the any main points if it's something the person may need to do.
A person in a wheelchair is a wheelchair user. It's how they get about like you may use your legs and so aren't 'confined'  or 'bound' to it. The limitations in getting about happen generally through the actions of non-disabled people through the barriers they without thinking put up such as making it difficult to enter a building by putting in stairs or using very narrow aisle, not fitting loop hearing systems for the deaf or making prevision for a person to help those with limited sight and so on or even attitudinal ones like thinking nobody disabled comes so why bother considering their needs (maybe that's why they don't!)?
Of course disabled people aren't angels but as you're not, you already know that as they're just like you really!

How much to do for someone or what can I assume?
So-called health professionals, carers and disabled people argue all day about this but I'd sidestep the coffee at the conference chat and just ask if there's anything they'd like some help with (Don't say "Are you alright" cos most feel so uncomfortable about not been seen to cope that they'll say yes even when they do need help).
Assumptions? dangerous game between "Don't patronize me, I'm an adult" from a wheelchair user with an IQ around 100+ and those who for developmental reasons may look all of 50 but are very much like much younger children and as such are extremely vulnerable.
Personally I'd ask for things like ability carrying hot liquids, meals etc accepting a decline unless I know the person well enough not to leaving most other things to them but say for "this activity everybody will be reading or writing-is there anything with this you'd like some help with" because somethings like difficulty in reading aren't obvious and may be unrelated to a physical disability.

LG's and disability ettiquette.
This isn't something you'll find discussed at some 'respectable' conference as most of us who are involved around 'age play' communities have a better take on the link between chronological age and differing mind ages -that we have often two one 'adult' and one younger and oscillate between the two than most including the learned professionals.

My own take on it is it's reasonable to say when it comes to how to deal with illness or injury, the person is feeling it at their child like age and for a few possibly that developmental level too. The absolutes are you cannot breach legal rights over-riding them as developmental issues such as ability to understand a situation are covered thru exemptions under Mental Heath, so you can't take them against their will to a hospital cos' 'they're only a child really' unless it fits under the exemptions. This is because the groan ups use chronological age as the basis for your legal rights.
For 'unwell' childlike works - They're poorly, it's a good idea to remind about what they can do to help manage it, do offer sympathy (back to grazed knees) and so on.


What works for me (the 101 of managing me in RL or online)
Background: My hands got injured at work 16 years ago and they become inflamed at the tendons very easily that results in an inability to use them.  I seldom write with a pen.
I'm unsteady on my feet, have cerebal palsy and dyslexia effecting math, reading,spelling and short-term memory.
This side of me is 'at 12'.
What keeps me going when I'm poorly is my spirit - my LG spirit to be exact - so it's one of the most important things you need to keep up.
It's appropriate to suggest I rest even on occasions insisting I do because it's the child like sense of missing out that can keep me from resting. Something like "Please be a good girl, switch off your computer and rest if you're poorly" is fine.  I won't snap at you. Honest!
Nobody should feel bad for adding the suggestion I change if not already into my LG attire when resting because it will 'turn on' the LG spirit more in me, it helps a lot and I NEED to get better.
There's a difference between what is known at the intellectual level and what is felt building up in to your heart and spirit - the engine that keeps you going emotionally.
In real life hugs work wonders as do laps. Online it's harder but you can express 'hugs' and affirm the power of my LG Spirit to keep me going which oddly enough helps if I'm feeling down. The trouble with down is it has a downward spiral and it helps to talk me back up the top.
You may need to talk me round to see a doctor cos I get scared of different places and can't remember names well and that can put a block on me thinking about it.

The Little Girl within takes control

 

A couple of years ago, something happened to me in connection with a major public role I was undertaking outside of work which lead me down a route in life that includes this blog and it's mission.

I was responsible for a large organization that was undertaking several important projects to the community that those who made decisions on wanted but had left me to attend the meetings, met the other parties involved attending their workgroup events and so on at the same time as being the head honcho of their own body.

It also was the case I was involved in local political activity for a good two decades with it's own cycles of meetings, events and so on.

It also is true to say I was becoming increasingly frustrated at the sheer amount of time I was spending - often over 20 hours a week over being tied to my computer and mobile phone from the minute I came from work. It even cut into my vacations too being expect to work from hotel rooms!

As much as I complained about this, there was little effective cover meaning the inevitable meeting clashes weren't covered and the one who was meant to got no cover either!

By this point I had become ill, finding the combination of high demands, lack of effective management of commitments to outside bodies and the best word to describe what I went through was 'a nervous breakdown'.

Something came out during my recovery, my inner child rebelled against it's forced to groan up shadow  kicking it's butt, insisting she wanted her time,she wanted to play in her little girl clothes and chill out on the bed in the evenings.

She fought and won those changes because the little girl within had spunk and courage to make the changes that would set me on a path that would make me so much more happier because when it came down to it, I just a child in a grown up body.