Gaining confidence

As a child I lack confidence in part through my disabilities but very much to do the miss-mash between my inner girl side and the rest of me, feeling very much like an alien trapped in a world that neither understood me or would allow me to be myself as much as I tried to adapt.

One thing that did  work for me oddly enough was being taught to swing from a rope  that was on a climbing frame which I had never climbed. In fact my parents I feel were too timid and just projected fear as the response to the very idea. However at school they got me on that frame starting from the bottom and even crawling along the top and then introduced the rope to me!

It was scary but having found a way to grip it well, I leaned to climb it and swing rope between my legs going form side to side and then to swing and get on the other side of the frame to climb.

It did me the world of good  and is one of my fondest memories of childhood PE.

 

 I've always enjoyed wishing from a star and here's a short entry about it.

" Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight! "

~ Always, I wish for the same thing. Always on the same star I see. Every night that is clear I sit at my window & wish my little heart out. The wish hasn't come true yet............But I always have hope that one day... perhaps soon, it will come to pass."

2x Confusion....

In theory at least both parents assuming you had a tradition 'Nuclear' family would share the roles out doing things together, taking an interest in you and disciplining you fairly evenly so the one thing that ties all three together, their love for you are things both experience and you should be able to sense.

You shouldn't need to 'act up' to get parental attention nor should you feel one is a doormat you can trick into doing anything.

It was never like that with me having to fight tooth and nail to attend anything about me at school especially during the critical years, the messy disciplining system issues around disability and gender identity and so on.

It's ironic after these years Mommy has finally come around to the notion that spankies can help me and does use them on occasions.

Working on Jo

We've been working on who I am and possible looks for me now for a while starting to really  get somewhere. I can do and look good in shorter skirts so just imagine what could happen if you took me in here, you weren't afraid to insist I bough a whole outfit and gave me a fixed budget.

 

You'd seen get a good result, a Jo dressed more like the girl she feels as shy as is with a bit of Big Sis push looking more like this.

Those plaid skirts would be so right for me....

Lessons outdoors

If I could of gone back in time I'd of loved to had a school building where we had a big playground to do music and movement in rather than us all being crammed into the community hall and some proper play equipment where we had non apart from the boys goal posts.
Our uniforms were similar to this actually except the boys shirts were gray and wore shorts.
I always looked good in red and gray so if was to have a new uniform as a adult child to wear at something like a Prep School for adults, I'd like one like this.

Experimenting with a tartan Middles look

Well, here we are in a hand made tartan miniskirt with a most suitable 14" length with black opaque tights on taken recently.i really love the feel of the genuine Scottish made skirt swishing around as i walk in it and maybe turning a few heads.

i may not feel up to posting much over the next few weeks as i have an uncle who has gone into a hospice with Cancer and isn't likely to be living for very long.

Judy

A big influence on me was the comics I read and the series of stories in them some were reprints of older stories while others were more contemporary.
Some were bought for me, some were shared such as those from the big box full my first two schools had that we could read if it was recess and the weather was too bad to be outside playing and others were say second hand annuals, girls annuals specifically.
They usually featured girls dressed in their school uniforms typically Tunics (Brit Speak: Gymslips) in situations subject to adult authority, disciplined as we were as they felt fit as it was in that era.

 

It was a fictional world of girls I followed not least for it allowed me to set myself as one them in my imagination, a what might of been and a clear influence on how now I present as a Junior girl being an adult little and her world.

Prep school for Jo?

It's seldom off my mind however bizarre it may seem to some but to be absolutely honest I just feel like doing a year or so in a Prep School but for over 18's who feel or developmentally are very much 8 to 14 year olds.
Something like actual lessons with day trips out and assignments to hand in completed and shared meal and recess times.
I really feel I need that structure and to be treated more like the child I am on the inside.