Freaky Friday musings

Friday,eh?

I was a bit late getting up this morning so it was a rush to fix breakfast needing to be out by half past eight which is just typical I guess of what can happen when you go to sleep thinking about something and wake up with the start of migraine that didn't clear until Sunday afternoon.

That was just in time for Lil'Jennies Storytime on Picarto which is good way of relaxing with an hour to reading one or more children or "young adult" reading books read to you.

I did catch up a bit with The Beano and Pheonix comics which I get every week which helps keep my mind away from some of less good bits of the adult world although obviously there's bits of that you can't ignore.

Bits you can't ignore is the whole discourse around presentation which to me rather forgets things like if you were a school girl, you didn't keep your uniform on to half nine or whenever your bedtime was and you may of gone to places like the movies so you had looks for that.

As s teen girl especially you wanted to cultivate an appearance of sophistication, of coolness when you were out so why shouldn't I as this regressed adult school girl wear a skirt like that with tights and smart casual top?

Gurls like me tend to be a bit more dressy even though anything involving lots of buttons, fastens and generally "fussy" isn't get with my badly damaged paws unless you want to spend time out helping me with it when you go to the loo and all that.

All that gets lost in the "all T Gurls", "All sissy should" wear this and this talk you find in some circles totally ignoring your needs and why they're there.

For some of we'll be returning to some sort of studying or other next month which I'm sure we'll be looking forward  toward which kind reminded me of this perennial problem area.

I had been thinking about getting more hands on at one particular site but feel it may not be to the best interests of my emotional well being, not that I wasn't able to do it, quite the opposite actually as I could do it well, but rather it may put me in more triggering situations that have taken me long time to recover from.

I am more feeling that looking after my needs is not only better for me personally - and I do matter - but I can do more of what I feel helps from the sidelines.

Openess

Another Wednesday although this is being worked on over the weekend because family social engagements mean I need to be out on Tuesday rather than the wednesday when I'd get this blog entry done.

The start of the weekend had it's issues involving the Grump which were trying but I spent a bit more time talking on a discord which I find more enjoyable than another discord that just gets into IT and Politics.

The great thing about that place is everybody is open at the outset about the often vexed issues of identity be they about gender, sexuality which we don't go into much here or whatever so what you say about yourself is accepted at the same time that other peoples differences are.

You in turn respect them as they respect you.

I just found some sites in practise just didn't pushing people down those pathways they feel are socially superior or create less issues for them.

The point is: We are US as We Are.

I should feel able to be open on one site to say yes I'm a sissy and actually I've always had a thing for maid costumes - no not lockable sorts as if I needed to be locked into when you know darn well if you left it there, I'd just put it on - but the real thing but this disturbs some peoples picture even if what I'm about doesn't create any issues when we're together playing, being "little".

Not one adult thing there.

And that tension all the time gets to me so ironically I spend more time away from that groups discord only contributing if it's to do with some organized event.

Now I do wonder what at least one person in that group thinks I might of been doing watching a sissy live stream when I spend far more time in a sissy one where contrary to what you might think we talk food, work and hobbies as much as what we love to wear.

To me that's balanced.

Sleep well but do sleep

Yes people, I'm feeling sleepy today and that's pretty much what I'll be doing in a bit.

As a number of you know, I go to bed early at least in part because I get tired easy which is why I disappear from chat just as some of you are like getting going but I broke that particular rule on Sunday as The Grump had lost one of collection of Mobile Phones and this was the one with medical apps and that on it so obviously it mattered to find it.

Unfortunately this whole adventure started around ten o clock at night so not only did it delay me getting to bed where it was found in a bin bag with waste card and paper from his room, the ensuing rants kept going to nearly eleven and really that's too late to really clear from my mind 

So this meant I didn't really get much sleep at all, not least when you wake up, finding yourself lashing about, mind subconsciously  trying to fight what had happened literally so really Monday was a blur so it was a good job he wasn't going anywhere as I was out of spoons,

Blog has changed a bit, this is true when it comes to direction although this weeks post is more "old school" than I usually do, we've had quite a few more people reading this blog so I'll end this entry before I go bed with my teddy with a thought.

Ever thought of doing say a day in the life of your inner child? 

Somedays I often feel like things like doing something like being in a school setting studying apart from my habit of 'playing', running going on my swing for a half hour or more a day and so on.  It wouldn't be just for learning stuff though who knows I might but more for the calm feeling of being in an emotional place you feel comfortable in.

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

This week, so far has been trying not least with the legendary Grumps dark rages writ large that you struggle to escape and the sheer lack of understanding of both how that leaves you when it comes to your emotional welfare and lack of true recognition to what you bring.

Without it things would get very messy and not just physically with things unattended to  either so sometimes this shows on certain forums like FA rather than other places where they think you should just be a "good time gurl".

I'd like to this opportunity to thank everyone for your concern and how they have left me feeling, be they comments in chat and the like.

Balancing little needs and big responsibilities even if the extent given no one else in family does much is a challenge and I suspect there are others in similar situations. 

I'm slowly de-stressing and beginning to think more around how get to where I feel most comfortable and resolving some longstanding issues that compound if not of themselves create them.

I am aware a higher proportion of posts in this blog have been more around other topics of late which is fine as that is me and I don't have any issues owning up to that side but there have been others of which this is one.

Thanks again,
Jo
x

This last weeks lesson

If you were wondering what this weeks edition would be like given some changes in the direction of this blog, the explanation would be that is actually pretty straightforward in that  we are entering the week school resumes give or take a training day.

I have for most of this year been without a fully functioning Windows based laptop and even if it this Chromebook+ is reliable and does rather a lot it does lack some specialist programs that I find useful even for blogging.

Back where my mind oddly enough lives, seemingly stuck in 1974 and the world back then looked rather like this or perhaps more accurately the one I'd of sooner been in did.

That to a large extent is why when I'm away in many respects recreating elements of those times I try to resemble more how I'd rather things had been even though unlike some I don't take issue with some modern touches.

This time of year often bring pangs from that past, getting things ready for the resumption of school, the geometry kits, pens that back then had to be ink ones, no biros never mind computers, and checking and replacing your school uniform from your last Year Group.

Yip school years always run September through July unlike real years and ages seldom really fit into it well as the system runs more for its own benefit.

You always remember Moms last words before leaving the house were pretty much on the lines of  ‘You are to behave yourself’ as she felt you were representing her at school and didn't wish to see letters and receive phone calls regarding your conduct.

Wearing skirts in Winter

I recently heard a boy mention that he loved wearing skirts but it’s getting a bit cold for that now and he wishes he could wear skirts in the winter too

You can though! And it made me sad that he felt so limited so here I shall compile skirt/dresses advice for any boys, trans girls, enbys, and anybody else who wants to wear skirts in the winter/fall but wants to be warmer!

(Source: I’m gender queer and like fashion)

1. It’s all about secret layers!

One option is you can get thermal tights, that are warmer than regular tights/stockings, and layer them with a second pair of thinner tights over them! My advice would be to get thermal ones in either black or something close to your skin tone.

With the skin tone ones you can layer thinner black tights over them and when they stretch it will just look like your skin underneath, and nobody will be able to tell you layered em!

If you need/want a 3rd layer, thigh high socks are your friend. they always look great.

If you have a longer skirt, slip skirts are pretty alright way to add another layer too!

2. Skirt material and length

Short skirts are still viable with the above strats, but cold wind might still be a problem for you. If it is I’d recommend going for a skirt of heavier material to help block wind out. This is especially effective if you are wearing a longer skirt! Longer and thicker it is, the better at being a shield it will be, basically.

And also darker colors absorb more heat from light and are a bit warmer too especially in the sun.

3. Leg hair

This won't actually effect the warmth, I don’t think, but stockings and tights are way more comfortable with shaved legs. I found with unshaved legs I could get them on just fine but had mad itching on my thighs, and sometimes the hair on my calves would hurt from being bent the wrong way.

So basically, shaving is not necessary, but it will most likely make tights/stockings/leggings more comfy for you.

4. Long coats and high boots

Longer coats are a great no matter what length of skirt you go for. Great wind protection and coziness.

Longer boots of any style, from basic to edgy, are great with shorter skirts for extra leg warmth!

I think that’s about it from me on this, I might be forgetting something but yeah here ya go hope this helps!

Oh actually, while I’m here, a few makeup advices:

Scented things like lotions and lip products are harmful to your eyes because of the scents! So are food products! Don’t use lotion or cooking olive oil to remove your makeup! (I guess I mean unless you literally have no other option eh, it’s just not healthy)

If you don’t have makeup remover wipes, Vaseline (the 100% pure petroleum jelly stuff) is a great makeup remover! Use plain tissues or a soft cloth, and be gentle around your eyes.

Sometimes your face/eye makeup is scented, so if you can, try to find unscented stuff basically. I’ve had eyeliner that was scented and made my eyes burn and water big time. Always worth checking for things you might be allergic to or that might have irritating scents!

Lingerie time

We're going back a few years really this week, actually just under a few decades really when I first started really exploring much of this in the online era experimenting with different looks of which one was really the maid look.

Not a cheap and cheerful pvc take but something more like actual hotel maids and that wore at the time and where just after leaving school I had rather fancied at least in my head the idea I could work as a maid as people skills and attention to detail were more me, what I was good at than much else.

Exploring lingerie started for me around the time I got a job working in the city centre where there's more of everything than here and these wore my thoughts as written down back then on this experience.

I was busy working today and had some time to kill before I left for home.

This thing has been bugging me for decades certainly past being 12 and it's why for all my gender issues and the rubbish I've endured, have I never actually gone out a.nd bought myself lingerie? 

Is it that I'm just too embarrassed to be seen looking through the displays and to be holding them at the sales counter, like if someone I know just happens to see me?

Darn it, I want to know so today I actually and deliberately walked into a high street lingerie store and with the aid of the female assistants bought myself several pretty pairs with bows on, nothing really hot, just regular pretty to wear under my slacks while I'm in vanillaville.

The funny thing was I didn't phaze the staff out and and they made me feel comfortable during the whole time.

And that really was the thing so rather go the route of chains like Transformation, I went to high end lingerie stores and let them help me pick what looked good on me

Let's end slurs

Some matters came up while away, some things more internal so best not mentioned others raised eyebrows with me.

On the one hand we've been through a period where everybody has been expected to be more inclusive, supporting an array of LGBTQA+ people, supporting women and girls faced with misogyny and discrimination which broadly speaking is a good thing.

Yet in some groups the casual use of slurs and outmoded stereotypical assumptions and attitudes prevail even now. 

It is regrettably the case some sissies see being female as being weak, to be less than a male with more than a shade of that playground retort "Soppy Girls" with the exception for some reason of dominants while to me to be feminine isn't to be weaker, just different.

What I had noticed was the tendency of some adult little girls to talk of "Ikky Boys" with a tone of disgust again as if to be a boy was a bad thing to be  and if anyone perhaps had to come to an event dressed as we used to say on the UK Angels forum in "Bob Mode" then the first thing two or three would say is "What's an ikky boy doing here?"

One openly remarked during a point in her life she was struggling that remark really hurt her to the point she was for leaving.

Another just said "It's only banter" and "nothing was meant by it" but do we know how any of these remarks are seen and feel to that individual?

If you glad to be out of "Bob Mode" as often as you can why do you feel the need to denigrate males especially when having not transitioned you are yourself?

Why can't all of us cut out this silly playground language and that all once and for all and stop denigrating others calling boys boys and girls, girls without anything in front of it.

We can't be truly inclusive when we appear to have issues with each other.

Stepping out as the really real me for real

Well we are back after being away from midday Friday last dealing with things that weren't done online like my Tumblr, blogs, the UR and EB Forums and real life things from the likes of the NHS, gaps in shopping with not being out last Wednesday and the like.

Most of the stuff about being away is on the main littles blog as that's really what it's about, totally non sexual fun more like a summer camp for legal adults which for strange types on Mumsnet is what its been always about.

Anyway for me it was within those terms a more frilly affair  with wearing white patterned long socks with frilly tops, going with more frilled underwear and nightdress, part in many ways of the changes we've been going through over recent months but all from a non sexual, fetish free direction.

The kind of look I'd of gone with in my early teens.

The Hello Kitty socks going with them even as in this picture with a sweatshirt and skort.

Jigsaws were done like this Mr Men one, a more child-like one cos as I said we're playing as if we're at summer camp with friends.

I felt great letting this mixture of little and sissy sides together in simple way, living in the moment being more the the full me rather than trying to fit in to someone elses idea of what this is all about.

Result!

No Authority

There's always been one rule regarding me going away as part of this life with friends, no not the think before you post pictures when out together but to keep me proper grounded during that time I do not have anything internet connected on me. Ever.

Put quite simply I can easily lose a a nights sleep to overnight using catching up anything anywhere which is one reason when those problems came to a head, I had spankings to help put a stop to it apart from agreeing to measures to control usage.

The lack of authority on your part is palpable  as she taps the ground with the cane urging you to hurry up taking down your knickers before setting you now bared bottom bent over on fire.

It helped me a lot.

Summer playtime

As you may of gathered I was going to be away for a few days this weekend which was a part the reason for posts being a tadge rushed.

 
But as ever and increasingly more so, I had do everything like pack everything I was going to take away with me, sort out transportation and remember to take some with me a biscuit  as I'd be travelling across midday with two friends.

This tends to be easier than sorting train connections and the almost inevitable issues these days of cancellations and delays due to weather, industrial action or no driver turning up.

Seasoned readers of certain forums will know, the last few weeks haven't been good with me with family health worries not least dads cancer, diabetes and related complications so a large part of being away was to get away from that and play more.

We've been finishing a few bits of collections off such as my Blue Peter annuals most going back to when I was younger and our television wasn't colour.

There will a more frilled mode of dress going on as you all know really that's me but in a relatively subtle more Little way given the setting - it always makes sense to "Read the room" - and keep within the events expectations.

I not usually much for short sleeves especially dresses as that's one area where body image connected dysphoria is strong in me (not feeling comfortable in your skin is so not funny) but thought this was a good setting with people to try it.

Plus it's so it's so middle/little and that above all was where I wanted, nay needed right noe.

* Picture NOT brought to you Associated Rediffusion but as I has no smart phone and selfie stick (dangerous given my computer usage issues) this is as close as you're gonna get AND see, I is for real.

St Trinians!

It's been a warm start to the week here so we're having to watch time spent in the sun or for that matter upstairs as it gets very warm and I run warm as it is.

Looking more like the products of my kinda school here's the St Trinian's Girls in the classic 50's and 60's form. The series started in movie form in 1954 is about a group of unruly private school girls in a unconventional  and one might say corrupt school system who are always battling out between the Ministry of Education, any adult who crossed them and the girls themselves.

Below is a picture taken as part of renactment of part of Great Train Robbery of St Trinians film from 1966 where the girls get to play with trains!

The organizers of the preserved railway kept things very much in the spirit of the original film and the cartoons so it's high jinks rather than anything sleazy.

The uniforms have become a staple of so-called grown up dressing up in their native UK for things such as school reunions and so on which makes the ordering and wearing somewhat more straight forward than you might think. 

I enjoy wearing them when my inner girl is feeling at that level building upon my school girl at heart personality.

Something is happening

This week is gearing up into being another hot week so I'm trying to get things done before the thermometer goes above thirty so where do we begin?

This blog.

We do get comments from time to time nearly all published unless there's a good reason not to and thing to address is the elephant in the room where I am going as I write from my experience and emotions, preferring that than just publishing captions and memes.

That is why it is different - you might feel better - than some so as I go along a journey in self discovery and expression then that does alter the context although you can't erase the past some of those past elements continue in this journey perhaps less so due to opportunities but still within me.

So they may be references to spanking as a corrective if I feel it's relevant or is going on in this life although in some ways bits had been around for a while but held back not least when in some circles Little Girl vs Sissy as bitterly thought over to point you were not meant to mix even if all you wanted to do was spend some time playing with toys, dollies and that.

Indeed one person who appears to have stopped posting at one site constantly misquoted me around all of that.

And there will be some things that are more around that such as looking at publications, toys and the like.

I am pleased this blog in its currently evolving form, talking about those changes, keeping those things few really need to know every single detail of is being not merely accepted but appreciated as it is.

Thanks.

Challenges and stuff

As this is being typed a number of things do happen to be on my mind right now one being the loss of a friend in this life for some 15 years although I had seen things about them for a couple of years before, probably as cause of death hasn't been determined from complications following a health incident in early Spring this year.

Indeed we'd been expecting them and partner to our Easter party but learned they could not make it before they went to hospital for a period. 

They tended to organize things although organizing the group was often more "cat herding" and theirs was a voice you could hear across three fields at times but in the end they did stuff that others might of left and sometimes remind people about proprieties when out in public as, let's be honest some don't understand and can easily be misunderstood especially in this age of instant communication

Some of their conversations did influence me although their more puffed out frou frou dresses  with forests of petticoats wasn't me as that when into what is often called "Little Girl" dressing and they had a love of dancing where wearing 50's outfits really looked great although famously I have two left and wobbly feet.

Elements of Little Girl dressing were part of this blog as much as elements crossed into forms of more Sissy dressing although they themselves were not and that has been an influence in restoring the balance of this blog toward looks and life rather than an ouch a week.

While dealing with her death, I did read this annual from 1964.

Partly because back then roles were different and in some ways their take on girlhood is really more use to me than the less overly feminine ways of today and also back then you weren't an adult until you reached 21 which is near actual development of the human brain.

It's more interest centred unlike being all about quizes, cartoon strips and stories that publications for younger girls tended to be about such as equestrianism 

It's a bit like this.

As well there are features on the history hats and which was worn when, sports and personal care.

Something I can usefully absorb and over time use to shape my own sense of being this gurl.

Why not be a Brownie in spirit?

Some years I have put out a post around scouting simply because the sights and smells of Summer and the activities tie in so much to my experiences to the point it brings it all back in all the complications being me involves.

At one level the basic complication is just which section of the movement my little side belongs and today while girls can join scouts which has now totally ceased to be a boys thing, girl guiding is still for girls although they do accept those who medically might be boys but seeing themselves as girls are living as girls.

Given I don't  my identity issues not so much identifying as a girl any more than a boy that leaves me and those like me out in the cold.

Fortunately in the new-old world as a age dysphoric sissy, I can side step much of that and follow the basic rules and principals of guiding which are not so dissimilar to cub so for what would be more den or ceremonial purposes go with a wither wearing a brown skirt or adopt a suitably sized traditional brownie tunic but wear grey short trousers when hiking.

What Brownies is about is set out well in this illustration from a 1980's Brownie guide book you'd have when you joined

You may not see much emphasis on it today but Brownies did deal with the issue of looking after you nails, so they are short, attractive but not done in way that has as many ridges from bites than mountains!

As a sissy nail care does matter and doesn't it make sense to talk about it anyway?

As in Cubs, you EARN badges but where you put them differs and you need to sow them on so this handy little guide from the era of the classic brown tunic helps.

Exploring with your very own little canopy above you, looking out for all the mammals, birds and insects around you wasn't that what you loved to and you can today, having adventures.

That's why I've readopted this bit of past as being part of full and now open me.

The random thoughts of a gurl

 

I wasn't too great on Friday as standard for long does nothing for my twisted spine but it had recovered by Sunday so apart from starting a bit of work on a quiz - I start on paper and then go to Google Docs in the Chromebook - I have dressing more like my frilled self minding the strange habits of some couriers  for coming at all hours and leaving your stuff anywhere.

I also realized that it has been a while since I had a Kindle app although in the 2010's I did have several kindle books so I did get that sorted and reading from my Amazon account often things around trans or littles interests.

Talking Amazon it's trying to push me towards Amazon Prime Unlocked by blocking any other way of buying and paying for postage which is frustrating as I'm not a big viewer of any kind of screen based entertainment and these days you're not guaranteed free post with Prime - it's all about Prime TV offerings.

No to sip the milk and cuddle up to the plushies.

Gurls bedroom edition

Hello readers. I'm feeling better today compared with last week which was painful to put it mildly so I thought I write something.

You know I think I owe you all a debt of gratitude really - honest I do - because whilst being pawley I remembered there were things I'd sooner be doing.

Then you see you  reminded me of something that was I had buried things like dolls I've never played with or put up and I wanted to wake up to that!

 'Stamps feet saying "I'm a little gurl, I want my dolls, teddies and awfully cute things out" ' so with that plus a bit of help, I removed stuff I no longer needed  and the process found two completely unopened dust covered  boxed dolls that just for once someone had kindly bought me for Christmas.

Anyway, I had a magical two hours playing with the white porcelain doll pictured that the manufacturers called Daisy but while sat down on my knees in my charcoal grey skirt and named her Louise after a dear school friend and made a space so when I wake up in the mornings I can see her without moving .

While I was at it those unwanted things were moved for a charity collection and I put up some Hello Kitty posters instead covering the door with stickers of her too for good measure.

I also renewed some of my sock collection for something more frilly and lace detailed as always liked that sort of things but struggled with pulling tights up and found stockings with suspenders very fiddly while the so-called hold ups well didn't on me.

Like you're forever pulling them up.

This are so much better with skirts and dresses.

Before I forget, thank you all for reading last weeks entry as I noticed an awful lot of you did when I saw the statistics today.

Btw It's okay to comment on my blog if you wish or even follow it!

Transitional arrangements

Great isn't? The combined fibre/telephone service has been dropping out this week so phone calls "dropped" mid flow and refreshing on sites was problematic apart from the usual click here and get an infection things presently taking advantage of the FUD (Fear, Doubt and Uncertainty) with the impact of online legislation.  

Still the good news is I'm rediscovering bits of the past that got chopped and changed on the blog over the years and one was I did have an interest in wearing proper maids attire and indeed at one point so wanted to work as one.

Can't say if that'll come back but it was something I did enjoy.

You can't escape the past though, and I've been through some rough patches like while I was in my teens I went rolling down a hill backwards in a motorized scooter scaring the heck out of everyone (and probably myself too) when I made a big mistake involving gradients that could of been fatal.

Talking of the past, I was reminded of things from the past while reading a few tumblr blogs where that realization at time I always seemed to want to present different to peers from time to time and the tension between their ideas and mine.

This sort of presentation was what I liked around the middle of decade that kind of got the "and she's wearing that!!!" looks but in context I just love gothy meets kittenish looks beyond school girl atttire and god knows school girls have more than one look for after school!

That was the thing and maybe I'll return to that.

Knickers

The everyday may assume a role that is less obvious to some and in my life it is that the type of underwear is determined, a part of this whole rolling back as part of the uniform I'm expected to wear. They do happen to full fitting, hardwearing  and comfortable which is a benefit.

My knickers are very much involved in disciplining me because that all happens in uniform and there are certain  set rituals.

The start point for most of this is my skirt or dress being raised to show them clad on my bottom which is embarrassing.

It's not uncommon for any implement to be used over them initially and while they are doing that they my pull my knickers into the back of my bottom to see how my spanking or caning over them is going as you just stay their letting them examine it.

There is time nearly always when they do come down and you might be ordered to take them down or even off

More usually though I have to stay still as they pull them down to deliver a second set of spanks or strokes of the cane right on my already in pain bottom to make sure I really get the message.

The loss of authority I feel through this is so intense.

One thing no one has tried on me yet is making me wear diapers and pretty crinkling pair of plastic pants as a form of humiliation  based punishment and generally treating me more like a baby.

Going away and Inspection time

Thoughts this week have been a bit more about the upcoming week toward the end of July and what to take as the case is relatively small, has to dragged by me so unlike some I can't take a whole minivan worth of dresses and all matching accessories.

What can fit more efficiently within the case tends to win out so traditionally I tended not to pack slippers as they take more surface area preferring slipper sox.

As my older pair had got a bit worn out, I have new official Sanriotown thick ones featuring Miss Kitty (D.C to you) with non slip pads on the soles which will help given the accident I sustained last February.

It's a bit early for any reliable weather forecast but if it warm to quite hot I will most likely pack my satin with lace frills night dress which wouldn't be just probably more comfortable given I'd be in the top of the property but also I so much prefer to wear more overly "girlie" attire where practical when I'm away.

It's not uncommon even mid term to read some story around school uniform rules being breached or even changed covering School Uniform  items and how it's to be worn.

As is the case even now, the length of ones skirt, or the skirt portion of ones pinafore is something that's taken seriously to avoid immodest displays shall we say and this cartoon shows one method of ensuring compliance.

I can remember well a college lecturer explaining how every so often her Mom would have her kneel on the ground to check her pinafore wasn't too short.

As the cartoon text illustrates growth spurts could lead to situations when some fitted them better than others.

While there are no formal rules while away, a certain decorum is expected around others and definitely no "flashes" of underwear and the like