Standards and their origins

One of things that does matter is telling the truth not that going by popular opinion  is it something we expect from people in positions of power such as business leaders or politicians although I feel our expectations ought to higher even if at times dashed.

The must basic reason for this is we have a need to feel the other person has a sense of honesty and integrity about them, that what they say is based on reality rather than either wishful thinking or something having no basis at all in fact.

Most of us can understand  and relate to what are sometimes called 'magical thoughts' where belief is suspended because the illusion of say" seeing an elephant fly" is preferable to us than the reality which is of course that they cannot. That whole notion is very child-like and because we saw it in our imagination it may feel real but isn't.

Telling the whole truth is something we can all struggle with especially if by doing so it shows us  in a poorer light so we do not so much say something it isn't true: we omit that which  shows our culpability and responsibility for what really transpired.

If there is a hierarchy when it comes to this it is the outright lie, the very thing that had no basis in reality at all that takes pole position.

We use it to place ourselves where we were not, to claim credit for things we did not do, to transfer the blame from us to others when we have done wrong and remove ourselves from situations where we had a responsibility but chose not to exercise it.

I am - and my Caregiver amongst others expects me to -  tell the whole truth at all times and whenever I'm not there's no question of not being punished because of its seriousness.

Two steps forward and one step back

This week I messed up pretty badly although across the range I hadn't been doing too badly at all even getting the blogs out on time and the English work I was set on Friday for this weekend done in very good time.

What happened was I woke up one night with my mind whirling ten to the dozen which wouldn't of been so bad other for being a little after three in the morning and having had little really deep sleep before, I grabbed my computer and went online not stopping until a quarter to eight when I went downstairs for breakfast.

I was okay for a bit but by Ten I was starting to feel really off, not really alert and even yawning struggling to find the energy to eat so I had to rest for the reminder of that day. 

This resulted in me getting twelve swats from the hairbrush and quite a lecture on the importance of getting a good nights sleep in which really stung which was really the point behind this as it had been eighteen months or so since I did anything like this and they didn't want me to revert to the bad habits I had back then.

Some people might think just talking about the issues at an intellectual level would work but with me it simply doesn't not least because there's a large time lag between what you may say and the time any of its significance going in and when it does it gets jumbled up badly.

One other thing is guilt which I was talking to a few friends in similar situations about this week, which is if you just rely on either trying and usually failing to talk me though what went wrong and agree some actions or decide just to sidestep it as it won't do any good, then over time as bits start to make their way toward where my thought processing brain parts are, I begin to feel very ashamed and guilty to the point it pulls down everything I need to do and even sends me down the path of feeling useless and dreading being with people spiralling to point of avoiding contact.

For me spanking gets your message through better and much quicker enabling me to be 'reset', given some guidance and returned to something like normality which is much less harmful to me than anything else. 

It's enabled me to feel able to be with groups of people knowing if I do mess up, someone will deal with it in a way that works for me, helping me follow everyone else's rules and expectations better. And it has.

Rest day edition

Hi and for readers in the States happy labour day.
I'm a bit late getting this blog entry started not least with being poorly for quite a bit of the week and then busy with other things like the resumption of schooling on G.I., doing some background work for an activity toward next February Camp I'll be doing and so on.

It's a time a time of year associated with last minute return to school purchases such as pens and geometry sets through to school uniform which the recent closure of all BHS stores in the UK reminds me of as that was the first store where the whole pull toward buying actual items of uniform for me came from and it has to be said the quality of their stuff was very good.
I can remember buying lots of stuff around  this time not least long  socks and it would survive pretty much the heavy washing routines at home well
I am doing some tidying up tm stuff at various sites altering layouts, changing the odd avatar to spruce it up and help make using it for me a fun thing as with lots of sites you really have pick just a few you can be active on and given the changes that have occurred over the last year that's one thing I'd like to resume in a measured way.
I like to stay in touch with people who care about me more like my BFF and next best friend at FA rather than feeling everything's been dropped for those that are really keeping me just for themselves cos surprisingly enough I'm a social creature.

Littleness, regresssion and age-play

As ever on Tumblr there's a battle going on between people over what being a little is and any involvement of those under 18 in it however as ever there is more heat than light being generated by the keyboard warriors with many meme's and posts being put up and commented on.
This one is quite well intentioned in trying to explain the difference between age-playing and what emotionally appropriate behaviour that comes from being in actual state of regression where your responses come from the child within and less than any kind of scripted character you play.

 I do feel they have however got Little Space actually quite wrong because that is the emotional and behavioural environment  that as  a person who has regressed you have got into - you feel and so respond as that child - and not the act of being a little.
To get into it it is true you need to regress or otherwise release that child within an adult body or if you are like me not to have developed into it fully anyway.
There are some who are trying to put in a schism between the ChIRes advocates of littleness by regression and that of Caregiver/littles who are being characterized as a part of of the more 'adult' bsdm side.
For  me the whole point in a CG/l relationship is effectively that while in that headspace the Caregiver is providing the love, nurturing and support that is the equal of a parent or guardian arising from those needs as their little you have.
It is not necessarily sexual although some may enjoy that however meeting any sexual needs may find themselves which might be only in their 'Big' side of life.
They are not so much opposites degrees in which individuals chose to live their lives making informed decisions recognizing as appropriate the issues of informed consent as the bottom line always is that as adults legally only we can consent-minors regardless of any other feelings simply cannot deemed the responsibility of others such as parent(s) or guardians.

Nature Summer 2016

As we enter the August bank holiday, I thought I'd  like to take look back to the Summer  when I was I was away and I saw this group of trees.

 It just appealed to me greatly so grabbed my camera  and took this picture in the early morning of it while other folks were doing other things like getting up.
Nature has always held a fascination for me, not least in my childhood being surrounded by countryside.

 

It isn't just flowers that interest me, even leaf structures do too.

Emotions

One of the great things about the Disney movie Inside Out was how it showed the emotions Riley experienced clearly and how that impacted on her attitude and behaviour clearly identifying them
Identifying our emotions is actually quite hard for some of us which does lead into other problem areas such as being able to tell people how we feel and also regulate them as it's as if you have two states, full on or squashed.

 *Picture source vox.com
Actually although this chart was done for the movie, it is surprisingly helpful for those of who have these problems because you can easily tell where the overlapping of base emotions  lead  as they are clearly labelled so you can better thing through for yourself what you're feeling and communicate it to significant people in your life so they understand what you're feeling being better able to guide you managing the resulting emotions and behaviour you exhibit.
Learning to manage them is important.

Letter writing weekend

A scene from the past? Well I'd be in some very serious trouble for cheating like that and I recall well at boarding school a classmate too who wasn't the popular kid in class for bragging and being somewhat priggish did try the concealed note trick for an exam and got caught out.
It brought a smile upon my face!
Another great story was the kid aged 14 who was in an electrified wheelchair who writing his Geography homework about Japan wrote of his extensive trips and personal knowledge that he sure couldn't of had although Ronnie was a gas to be with. He'd been clearly caught out plagiarizing a book from the library as there was no way he'd of gotten the bottom of the seabed!!!
As my Papa knows whatever my failings are I'm never that dishonest as hard going as studying can be for me like this weekend where I was working on understanding the types of writing, the typical format and structure of each and the style and tone doing exercises in rewriting from supplied information letters and articles in all  five of them.
That's to develop competence and confidence in using them in everyday settings to help me do more for myself and my BFF, Lucy, support each other in our studying in addition to generally getting our lives together.
After that I listened to some music to relax and chatted cos too much studying and no fun isn't any good for me as much as having to settle down and do some structured activity is.