Christmas adventures 2011

Ho ho ho! This wasn't the kind of Christmas entry you would of expected a year back don'tcha think but it says a lot about how I feel about me that it's here
This year was special and I do intend to do a end of year piece and one way in which it is is this Christmas had a little side to it of which the first thing was Theodore who kindly wrote about himself yesterday.
The other crazy thing was my sister in law came on over and both of us were singing and making actions to along to that great rockin' number Wombling Merry Christmas by the Wombles as it was on the local radio station as she arrived! This didn't phaze her partner either.
One thing I missed for long time was a tradition of boxes containing a selection of candy usually chocolate children always have presented to them and this year the Hello Kitty selection box put in an appearance.
As well we had annuals and this year I had the Beano annual a comic I grew up with remaining a barrel full of child like fun I could sit on the floor and read. I like Minnie The Minx and the Bash Street Kids.

The initiated know I love reading not withstanding the difficulties I have with both holding books and also with my reading abilities and so I had this years Jacqueline Wilson annual which apart from having some drawing sections, also has some new short stories to read and I adore her books loads.

After going out to eat, I watched Ratatouille on the tv which was fun as for some reason I'd missed seeing it at the local movie theatre and made a note to get the dvd as anything that funny could help on either rainy days or when I'm not well.

I am a good girl who can be naughty really

We are approaching Christmas so the Nativity Scene comes down from the loft, the christmas cards are being written and I'm visiting my Aunts on foot to see her before the new year so we're a little short on time at the moment.

Sometimes you can and this blog gets a bit more hung up around the things I do not get right, the things I should of done better and some of my behavioural issues but rather like "The News" in the newspaper they're the exceptional things that rightly are called out rather than the majority.

 

Of course all of this has being going on for a long time so I sometimes wonder how being brought back the mindset of being a child could help because abrupt casting into adulthood removed the breaks from before before I fully formed some sort of control.

We have in the last year or so moved back into presenting me more like a little girl, cutting some of the "span" and even getting the odd spank being easier for keeping me in shorter skirts and dresses which does seem to work.

That said working more on working on teaching me more appropriate attitudes, how to be a "good girl", having things to take an interest in and care for belongs as least as much as that so perhaps getting me a Brownie annual and finding someone who would be interested in helping me do more of those things, challenging some of my less good ways might be a thing.

 

The other thing might be to see to it I get a dolly for Christmas and teach me to play with it so I don't start hankering for excitement and drama that is more self destructive and I don't come over feeling I can do anything you can.

 

I need this sense of entitlement removing from me.

Non uniform wear

Although much of this blog looks though the eyes of school uniform, being a Middle in a CG/l or disciplinarian relationship this doesn't preclude everyday or play clothes as part of what you were.
Just like an actual child you do wear things outside of those so what could be more appropriate than having your caregiver putting you in cute girlish helly kitty t shirts like this graphic one as it helps you feel their own little/middle as you play in their presence.

The Nutcracker

The last of the two inspired by posts are for a great story-writer who is into also into games  plus contributes generously to 'the community'  although her partner, being poorly, needs her attention too.
She loves ballet and this one is a favourite of hers and also of mine.


The Nutcracker which is based on the E T A Hoffmann tale The Nutcracker and the Mouse King music by Tchaikovsky.
It was originally choreographed by Marius Pepita and Lev Ivanov being premiered at the Mariinsky theatre, St Petersberg and seems to be the most ballet being staged in the UK this Christmas season.
Here are two images from the Northern Ballets' production in 2010

I also see we're getting a few more readers which is great news so if that's you, thanks a bunch!

Junior Jo?

There is, I feel a lot more to this whole notion of 'being a  girl' than perhaps I had thought of like the notion of age ranges, the extent to which you may be in or not of that 'Headspace' and just what the role of dress is than I first thought about when I joined Girltalk in January.
Like I tend to think in terms of being twelve but how do square that with having other bits that are clearly Junior and when I was a Junior I wasn't as forward as some of my peers anyway and a bit of this shows in the pull a dress like has on me that your cool twelve in the first year or so of high school would run away from?

Report card

This isn't a million miles removed from the kind of report I used to get regularly at my last school where more often than not I couldn't be bothered even attempt to learn the basics of the subject never mind even write up the work properly. Nobody much cared so I didn't

Ballet Time

First of we've gained two new followers which suppose shows what a bit self publicity can do.
Seeing we're on the build up to Christmas needless to say the other events that take place during this season have already started and amongst them is the grand tradition of the Christmas ballet show. I  love the dances, costumes and music to many of these ballets.
Coppéllia
Coppélia is a sentimental comic ballet with original choreography by Arthur Saint-Léon to a ballet libretto by Saint-Léon and Charles Nuitter and music by Léo Delibes. The ballet is based on two macabre stories by E. T. A. Hoffmann, Der Sandmann (The Sandman), and Die Puppe (The Doll) premiering on May 25 1870 at the Théâtre Impérial de l´Opéra.
The story of Coppélia concerns a mysterious and faintly diabolical inventor, Doctor Coppéliuswho has made a life-size dancing doll. It is so lifelike that Franz, a village swain, is infatuated with it, and sets aside his true heart's desire, Swanhilde, who in Act II shows him his folly by dressing as the doll and pretending to come to life. It's a favourite of mine having bought many years ago the Mari recording of the music on an imported HMV UK record.

Change

Where shall I start this week?
I suppose I could start by saying I managed to straighten out some differences at work with people that were beginning to really bug me because while I like what I do and it has it's 'little' opportunities  that many sadly don't have, this 'big' stuff was taking the shine off it.
Also I feel a bit more at ease with past events, events that really shook me, being able to go about everyday business without having that must be  'watching over your shoulder' feeling all the time.
I'm also winding down yet another part of my internet existence as this particular place has lost much of its functionality and as so few really visit it, I've come to the conclusion the time I spend on it is better spent on my 'little time' . It's that much more rewarding.


Anyway to fashion and this was a Pansy flared dress while aimed at and in groan up sizes sizes isn't a million miles removed from a teen dress available from top shop:

I thought it was cute working well with a few accessories without being too fussy (I don't like fussy designs).

Malory Towers and more

Well I guess the good news is I'm feeling better than I was around this time last week as was really down in dumps with some work related stuff best not gotten into on a publicly accessible blog and wanting more 'little' time something I understand most of us struggle with.
Thanks to everyone in chat this week including our guests from US camp.
I've already gotten two self presents sorted so it's just a question of putting some money aside for a few things for my family as like a good many others facing big bills we've decided to par down what we get each other.

As I think I've mentioned  the odd time in Chat I've been re-reading Malory Towers, the classic story of a all girls high school on the coast of Cornwall, South-west England directly overlooking the sea as written by Enid Blyton.
I bought a set of the original six volumes recently with the front cover of the slip case using this illustration the girls arriving at school. My school skirts are very similar to that of the girls on the far right which is more junior/middle school one. The current editions use some ghastly cheap computer generated images of girls while this 2004 set is more classy.
So far in I've just finished the Fifth volume.
Her books were a big part of my childhood that I loved mainly for their sense of innocent adventure, well observed characters and moral tales interwoven into the narrative.
With Malory Towers we see the world of this  boarding school which is a Castle like building with four wings, mainly through the eyes of Darrell, a first year boarder aged 12 getting to grips with induction procedures, new school rules, making new friends who as the series progresses we learn all about, their strong points and well their failings and learning to take on more responsibilities for themselves.
Each wing has inter-house competitions and for some sports their are coveted matches with other schools, the values of giving your all for your team and team mates, honour and being a gracious winner are write right through.
We also have escapades, ill thought out actions like going awl to perform and becoming so ill we can't sing, playing tricks on teachers and even some serious stuff like poison-pen letters not to mention theft.
For some such stories were (possible are even) a fantasy -a school life in childhood never experienced but preferable to the one they had - but to me much of this was very much like the reality apart from the poison-pen letter bits.
Newsflash: I did play tricks on people back then!
You could say it was really a guide cluing me in to what I was to experience making the transition from day school easier. 
I hope to re-read a few more of her series in the upcoming year.

Better later than never...

Sometimes the truest lines can be found in the cartoon strip.

I have to honest and say I never had enough real respect for my Mom only going along with what she wanted if she sugarcoated me.
Any sense of authority, of being a Parent of playing a important role in in the family never mind my life was just disrespected at will with no real conseqences. It wasn't helped by her issues with disciplining me too although I am responsible for what I did more than she failed to impose on me.
Reid's words ring true to me. A strong man should of spanked me for it years ago.

What I long for

That in a nutshell is exactly how I feel about life and relationships

Presents of the past

Somebody mentioned in Chat last week - might of been Sam R - about the new range coming to ToysRUS in time for the upcoming Christmas (and other) festivities.
This got me thinking about some of the things I had and maybe you did too from your chronological childhood and I feel like talking a little about them this week.
At the time there were at least in my country quite a number of shows on the television featuring Magicians who invited members of the public to take part in their acts and these shows really held my attention.
It was just so super exciting to see something disappear and then by magic reappear at the waving of a wand or a chant so my folks bought me a magic set with a wand, hat and a few other things to try these tricks out.

 It was something a bit like this one but in white background box going by memory.


I also had something quite useful as I have dyspraxia  which makes trying to write neatly something of a pain and that was a basic Child's Typewriter with a small frame, limited to A5 or maybe going as far as A4 paper.
Iused that to write short stories, thank you letters, lists and labels for school projects on.
This dear reader was well before the personal computer was widely available with word processing programs like Word Star came about never mind MS Word so you really didn't have too many choices!
We didn't have the spell checker - hurrah for the Can-E spellchecker on here! - so you had to use a little erasure and overtype this  being before even correction fluid became widely available for budding typists.
Mine was a Petite a bit like the one below which I kept until high school when I got a grown up manual typewriter.

For the Dominate Mommies

It's funny how so much of the stuff you read around being a little and the Adults who act very much as their 'Parents' is so Daddy orientated not that being a Daddy figure is in anyway wrong but an equally good dynamic for a little girl is Mommy having had some Female Adult Authority figures as a child who you'd not upset in a hurry!
I could just imagine myself being the girl she's spanking in this picture.

What is THIS, Jo?

 

One situation I can well recall is this one.

You're in class supposed to be working hard but figured with everyone else 'Teach' would be too busy to notice you're not doing much but he walks on up and comes to the back of your desk.

You feel that hand on the shoulder as the lecture begins, fingers point to what he wants you to pick and do knowing the slightest hesitancy well lead to you being whisked away for a spanking before being brought back to class in front of your peers.

It happened a number of times with me.

Missed opportunities

 

Although I talk quite a bit on this blog around my need for and experiences of child-like discipline, you would be very wide of the mark if you didn't  see this as having an element of protection from that which is inappropriate or otherwise undermining my adult middle innocence.

Because how aspects of my childhood disabilities have left me I have more vulnerabilities than adults and even teens have being for want of a better expression, "wide eyed" , not really seeing what's around the corner that people can and as hard as it is type this have taken advantage of sometimes with serious repercussions.

Having set systems that put protecting me from this that are agreed with me which may include consequences if I don't follow them makes sense if you remember by needs rather than by actual age, mine are more like a childs.

Sleep and a Middle

The more Junior me sleeps in sensible girlish night attire like PJ's with stuffies and a teddy bear I hug if I wake up all scared from a nightmare cos along with the other more child-like sides of me I do have things like that.
I find a fixed bedroom routine can help in getting me to sleep nut when grown ups try to get me on theirs cos it may fit in better with their ideas, it never works out right.
It just underscores why little space and being able to live in it matters so much to me.

The "Give us a twirl edition"

Hey! It's another week so I'm super excited with the thought of Chat even if it doesn't always behave itself throwing people out, we're going through a unusually hot period here and a certain someone has made there first post at a site having joined a while back. All I'll say honey is sure can't beat baby steps for getting going, so hugs!
Fashion, that's what's been on my mind for the last few weeks what with the London Fashion Week and also with recollections of fashion in the recent past for girls and how they compare with what we see while we're about with today's girls.
Depending on where you look and sometimes the circles you may move in you often here a refrain that regrets what is seen as a combination of the emasculation of girls fashion such as almost universal wearing of jeans, the tendency to dress all babies in boys attire with just  switched colours  and the spread at the other end of bling festooned 'ma b****' moll of the gansta rapper with low cut tops and incredibly small skirts that leave next to nothing to the imagination being sold to this age group as the 'cool' look.
Indeed at one point I did wonder if we'd see the end of anything feminine, modest and age appropriate but actually when you look around it's still there but updated for the modern miss to wear.
For instance I noticed new in at M&S - a well known middle brow department store in the UK -  they have a line in of lovely children's dresses at reasonable prices and going up to age 16 in sizes.
Here's an example of what I mean of a patchwork seemless dress from Girls Limited that looks so good it's no wonder the size 16yrs has sold out as I'd love it too.

And they other similar twists on classic designs available to in colours including pink!
All of this is great for those of us looking for inspiration to put together a contemporary LG look as for me it sure doesn't have to rooted rigidly in the past.

Age regression and clothing

Strangely enough there is clothing that relates to age regression and being a little although the first thing I'd say was you need not feel like wearing one one of or all these items, it's simply that which is commonly associated with it.
Like especially for those playing around of Six, they may see themselves as less 'adult baby' so not bothering with specifically Baby things but wear diapers which does have some real life parallels.
For me as a Junior/Middle, somethings such as Kigurumi, dungerees, dresses and a Tutu for dancing or parties say would figure in although we'd have some more formal things like school uniform, 'proper' shoes, plain blouses and so on.
The most important thing to remember is you are your own little or middle doing it as it makes sense to you in the headspace you are in.

Enforced regression

The saving a dollar entry

Yes folks I'm not alone if your blogs are anything to go by that we like even need sometimes to save a bit of money to ensure we've enough to do the things we really enjoy what with increasing grocery and utility bills and what not.

I'll start of with something that has always troubled me in connection with computing and that is the high price of the manufacturers ink you buy for your printer with it being sometimes as dear as the price of newer discounted printer itself.
Faced with a bill in the region of £50 or more Pounds GBP to get it reloaded, I looked around and found I could get remanufactured ones much much cheaper and what's more they even had typical twice as much ink in them.
Jet Tec in England has a very good reputation for it's replacement cartridges  especially for the quality of the ink they use which is where replacement ink has been criticized before.
Jet Tec
I bought a black and colour set that came to about GBP 17.99 including shipping and they're great meaning I can get on using it for less than I paid last time fior the black cartridge alone with double the capacity for good measure so they'll last longer.
Cool, eh?

Cheap anime: Funimation in the States has a budget line called S.A.V.E for older titles so for thiosw whose dvd player will do Region 1 discs you can save a bit too while building a collection.
One I really liked  was this:
THE GALAXY RAILWAYS

 "The Galaxy railways" is an adventure series set in as the title suggest on the Galaxy Railways, linking all the galaxies together by railroad with a team of crack railway security people, the SDF, whose job it is to keep them safe for terrorists and the like.
Surprisingly this title has never been issued in the UK but can be bought from UK Amazon as well as Amazon.com

Being a Emotionally real inner kid and ageplay

As an adult Middle, plushies play an part in my life as objects to stroke, play and cuddle with apart from just being a part of my regressive side and Hello Kitty is one of them so I  acquired this new one last month. 

For me what people call age play has a different kind of a meaning, it's not that may not involve age playing in the sense of not being, not acting as an adult but rather while some play with characters with very fixed characteristics that may include a specific age not unlike most other kinds of role playing to me it's not role playing.

That is because I have a  "emotionally real inner kid"  who has a part in this which involves a very deep and personal connection when in age play that any adult sense of self isn't there so what you have is a fragile side of me that is looking for healing through this and so not only has child-like vulnerabilities through being at a developmental level a child but additional ones because a person in such a situation such as mentor, 'Foster parent' or Caregiver to being hurt by careless individuals who aren't sensitive to my needs being with them.

To that extent as far as is possible then for all intents and purposes, the hearts of inner children such as me should be treated with as much sensitivity as you would treat a real, biological child even if the law says the outer wrapping is 'adult'. 

The relating pattern will always be that of grown up, parent or guardian  to the child me so when you are involved at such a level emotionally to me, it needs to be an emotional commitment that is for the long haul and not just dropped when the next object of attention comes along.

When you do, you may very well be breaking the heart of someone who looked to you to protect them, to take care of you, to guard you. When that person vanishes suddenly and it has, it is disruptive to the healing process as an inner child I'm undergoing, and it does more damage than simply leaving a role playing site or just some girlfriend with which you were previously associated. 

Ready and waiting

Being in little headspace can mean and for some of us does mean we dress more little in pretty clothes with frills and bows while the rooms we may be in also have the sort of decoration you'd associate with a little or junior girl such as plushies and dollies.
Bedrooms are places that we do wait for our Caregivers  to come in give us our spankings so you might (and I have) waited on the bed with my skirt off  ready to be scolded and my knickers taken down for a paddling.
Naturally any Caregiver worth their salt will give you some great aftercare to help you through the emotional side as well as reassurance you are loved

Bagpuss

For many of us a soft saggy cat called Bagpuss provided emotional substance as it did to Emily who loved him as he was growing up and indeed we still own recordings of the show and plushies 

Growing up

The other day, Mommy said to me as we were talking about growing today she felt children missed an involved father in their lives who was strong and prepared to show them the right way to go about things.
She went on to say she felt Mommies ofter were too interested in being a friend  to their children to really discipline them.
I was flummoxed as she'd never allowed my Daddy to be My Daddy in that way even though I wanted as his daughter for him to be my 'Papa Bear', taking me in hand for spankies except when she was out and both of us would say nothing about  it.
I so wanted a man who was going to be a Father to me.

Tartan HK!

No, that's not my tartan although it's adorable but it's the jersey/skirt this lovely Hello Kitty plushie  made by Ty is wearing  that I recently bought. I take it  to work with me to make the groan up side of life a bit more bearable.
You have to be a bit careful with plushies as some of the cheap ones are made from reused materials like hospital waste and not treated so always check they are licensed from the people who have the rights for your favourite character in this case Sanriotown inc.

Also this week I finally school based anime Suzaka of which there is a feature on tagged Anime so just click on the topic index  on this blog to see it. (It doesn't bite you know!)

In other news,several of our group went to camp having a wonderful small time of it as they played  children's games and activities together. One day I may join them, you never know!
Doo joined the gang in chat on Tuesday  appearing to have a good time of it in that great mix of the serious and the random that usually leaves me in a fit of giggles ready to fall of off the chair.

I noticed outside of the usual traffic sources like GT and IK, a few people from Christie Luv's revamped site a paid a visit last week. If that's you by any chance then welcome to the World of Joanne_Chan, bookmark this blog which is super clean and if you wish, formally follow it!

And you too

One theme running across this blog is childhood or at least child-like domesticity simply because everything is rooted in a little/middles age play headspace where it is centred on my life and the lives of my friends as we grew up.
The way in which I look at things is child-like to level and I related to (other) adults as that child simply because developmentally I am incapable of much else so it ought not to be that surprising that CG/l (Caregiver/little) more commonly called DD/lg relationships where the Caregiver is the Dominant, loving 'parent' to the 'submissive' child that is you and being with others is more akin to being on a play date with parents supervising and disciplining their 'child' are more me.
As a girl who may be in trouble with another hearing a "and you too" being called over for a spanking like your friend is only just because you both have to be treated the same and that itself is rooted in our childhood lessons in such a situation.

Card Games

Hi folks!

How many of us can remember and for that matter still have playing cards from our pasts?

I sure have!

Some of my earliest memories of playing cards were of playing with Gran, who's sadly passed away several years back, such games as Snap during school break up or when my folks had to deal with groan up stuff and granny had to look after me.

I didn't have much to do with Grampa cos he was a bit crotchety and he couldn't understand my English.

At school recess we also payed card games but from the Top Trump range where from one themed pack you'd choose one subject and whoever got the most  of some criteria or other won the round and you'd begin again.

Actually when was having big problems my school friends took me to a store to buy some to help me re-intergrate with the group.

I stil have those cards and several others I've collected down the years such as these cards from the Fox TV series The Simpsons from around 1990 that came in a set of 88 cards.

The have cartoons on the front and questions on rear to ask your friends about all the characters in the show.

Enjoy.

I'm Me, Hear Me Roar!

There was a time when I'd attempt to act 'normal' buy the standards of my peers but watch it all fall apart.
Any one can act for a period it's harder to stay in character day in day out.
I just got to the point a few years back when I decided "blow it" I'm doing me  here. I'm liking what I like, talking about and to whom I want.
If I feel like wearing Cats Ears the odd time so darn what!

Bonds

One abiding memory from Junior school was the bonds between us, that we'd play together in the playground, sit next to each other in rows even though when it came to sharing in class there was competition for who was going to work with who and share the dining hall table with at lunchtime.
We were inseparable from each other laughing and giggling together, passing notes so we'd all end up being punished together even though I was a 'special girl' because you accepted me as just that while the boys viewed me as a alien.
The sisterhood at our school mattered heaps to me and is a big part  of the Junior experience in an age-play context I'm looking for.

School Lessons

Sometimes even talking about lingerie can lead to all manner of assumptions such as do you have a knicker fetish or other kind of a kink.
Nobody ever really  talked to me about uniforms never mind that whole list that a school prospectus had of all your kit such as day uniform, PE kit, shoe colours never mind that some schools dictated what kinds of underwear you had so I'd never really given it a thought.
Given that the little girl has coming out and now wearing uniform - see Joanne's Uniform pt 1 - I ditched some well worn pairs and had some traditional Japanese  plain but cutely cut cotton ones  from Minky.com (they had an Ebay store but the paypal is messed up there) which are quite in keeping the the LG schoolgirl I am.
These would work with white PE type shorts too.

But really I thought the best thing would be get some regulation elasticated legged gym knickers which are hard wearing, comfortable, modest and just the kind of knickers you had at a girls boarding school.
These also would be bottle green which would go with my uniform well and being uniformed seems to agree with me. Maybe it's the comformist in me or just finding too many choices too much?


One thing I can recall about school apart from dinner and games is that sadly we'd have some emotional moments that tended to linger especially if like me you were in a boarding school.
Usually these things would start with a group of girls undertaking some activity together but every so often one would somehow do something that the others felt uncomfortable with  and before you knew it we were at "If she stays, we go" which wasn't very nice although sometimes you felt the girl in question was kinda asking for it.
Now I don't care much for people I consider friends making me chose between them even if sadly for one activity one of them  might need to be not in on it for everyone's well-being (we do have to learn to compromise a little) as a group and in our school there was no chance of running away from it all.
I guess we learned to get by because in a sense we had no other choice and sometimes we'd offer our personal support to another privately and try to avoid making a scene because we know we'd only hurt each other that way  regarding each other as sisters and even siblings have their fallings out.
There are times I think we need to consider how deal with these disagreements so we can contain them while being able to be friends chatting to each other and nobody feels they are being forced to chose between friends.
Let's think about it, eh?

Playtime

A big part of age playing involves being the Junior me but the Junior me is  whole Junior school girl that loves running and chasing with others in the same sort of headspace having the kind of playground fun I experienced and most others did as actual children of that age range.
We ran around like this, played hopscotch, games with marble, skipped together and kiss chase and so on until we transferred to our high schools.
We learned to play nicely with each other, following the rules we were given by our schools and whoever was on playground duty who had authority to report us if we didn't or did anything dangerous.
We needed and were given the boundaries in play to enjoy the carefree nature of being a junior child. That's what doing this as a adult middle in age-play is all about.

Junior caning past

It always seemed to me that one of things that marked out becoming a Junior was the attitude taken to how having committed some infraction or other you were treated.by parents and especially your school.
In the past although it would it would of been something more like a scolding, smacked hands and possibly having to miss recess but because we were now Juniors, we were expected to think more about what we did and because we were older we were to be went straightway to our head teacher where as before the class teacher handled it.
I have many disabilities, some it had to be said weren't identified until after I left the education system but my physical and aspects of my developmental ones were known while in a mainstream  school and for me therefore it was no different.
I was a bit more prone to acting on impulse compared to some of my classmates but not especially naughty but could act up not least when I was meant to be doing something I found hard going or I felt people were ignoring me on purpose.
The Headteacher was at least compared to some other kids I knew was actually lovely man who did care about us, often inquiring casually how we were about our lives outside of formal lessons and did heaps to help us but he did believe strongly in classroom discipline.
You could talk with a teacher but never tell them what to do or demand your terms and they wanted you to try, then you were expected to do your best, making any changes later if they felt it wasn't working. And I was prone to trying to demand things or over-reacting so my teacher would send me to his office for a lecture often with a suppressed snigger from some in the class.
That was the point when as the expression goes, the kid gloves came off as he'd lecture me, simplifying his points, before pulling out his cane at which point I gasped as it sank in something unpleasant was going to happen.
Noticing my expression and being ready to go into a 'But-but-but Mister' appeal he explained what was to happen to me HAD to be the same as the others in the class and although he loved me, my being disabled was NOT an excuse to be treated different and more to the point he refused to treat me any different and so with that, he put me over the desk.
This was point my pants came down and my main Adult Authority figure gave me six strokes of the best before hugging me and sending me in tears back to the class.
It didn't happen very often afterward but whenever I acted up up to my last Junior term, I'd end up being sent to him although it didn't effect our relationship as I understood he trying to help me behave and rightly he needed to treat me the same as the others.
Indeed up until his death we had a great relationship having kept in touch since leaving his school and his own retirement.
I have him to than for not only keeping order in our school that helped me learn but also for demonstrating discipline wasn't a bad thing and it comes out of love.

Junior experiences with spanking past

For me walking as we did from where we lived and indeed sometimes on arrival to school is well lodged in my memory to the point my mind returns to that past whenever I'm along that route.Hey there! Just typing this up at the cooler start of this hot summers day before I chill out on  my swing with plenty of drinks outdoors.

Still, during the week while dressed up as my little girl self, something came back to me that has remained with me for a good many years and it's that I'm writing about this week.
It was at middle school around the age of  ten that this happened.

For several days I had had this uneasy feeling that I was being talked about to and from school by people who weren't part of my class  - I think they were the class below me - for some reason probably connected with not being a part of their gender separated world.

Anyway, this afternoon at the end of school I started the walk back home along the big main estate thoroughfare and went to cross over as I though I heard voices sounding a bit menacing a few steps behind and walked about three houses down when two boys jumped on me and started kicking and punching me. 

I played dead and they kinda gave up so I got up hurting a fair bit and was asked by a lady who lived in the garden where this was by if I was alright.

I guess in hindsight the bigger thing was the shock as from that day I just switched off emotionally not trusting the other kids around me much and always being fearful of boys.

It's taken decades to begin trusting people and almost as long to believe in right to be me and gradually with everyone's help at GT I feel I'm getting there.

My experience of spanking at Junior school is lodged firmly in my memory not least for simply being a regular part of our lives and the room we'd be taken to for this was a big room where the head teacher did his work during class time with a wooden wall with big plain windows and a door we had to wait by several of us at a time to be called in.

Looking through the glass you'd  see say girl standing in the room who at that moment could easily of been me upset, bottom on fire waiting as the next child is spanked in front of us  for our collective actions which in a simply way we just accepted back then associating it with the order that kept us safe because the Adults were in control of us.

It is an important part of my age-playing as in addition to discipline needs which I am beginning to accept better now.

Relaxed middle

Middle space for me is a great place to be that can involve frilly dresses, play and lots and lots of stuffies not least teddy bears to hold in everyday life that I love to be in although for me the age-play side does include the spankies a child of my era got as matter of course.

Joanne's Uniform part 2

Did I say something about promising you a second part? Is Joanne a good girl???
Well although as you know I was and still am 'pawley' with paw ache I have manged to get this part done although it's not been easy.

Continuing from where we were we've gotten jumper, blouse and skirt sorted - well actually I bought a spare skirt the other day just in case one needs a wash while I feel like wearing it and is this isn't one of those blogs with page after page of knickers (as you brits call 'em) showing you can take from me that's kinda sorted so that leaves us with footwear.
Well I have been know to wear tights both at work and at hometime but somehow wearing this sort of skirt  looks that bit more cute with socks so I did some investigations both online, in real life carefully observing what choices girls made and also seeing what my local market had as I live just outside a market town and often the local knicker man has stuff cheap..
The conclusion I came to was wearing long sock either just to knee height to over the knee worked best and as it happened they were really easy to find.

These over the knee socks actually match the charcoal grey of the skirt really well and wear together instantly transform me to a school girl

 I have quite a few white and black and white over the knee socks as it was so I added these pastel pink ones with a embossed heart design being so quintessentially girlish as well as a similar white pair.
Note how this takes us back to the image I posted a long while back about how I saw myself as a child? The grey skirt, candy colour long socks and that are all there and when you chat with me then that's the LG schoolgirl I resemble.
Amazing isn't it?

Joanne's Uniform part 1.

Following on a bit from a bit of yesterdays crazy but super funny chat  featuring an upcoming anime where a certain Squirrel rescues the planet, as I may be a bit busy this weekend I thought I'd get around to doing this post about something that matters to me.

As I mentioned at GT a while back I intend to put together my LG uniform for a whole host of reasons such as resembling how I feel on the inside as well as having an alternative to the kind of stuff I used to put on at 'hometime' from work and for wearing on occasions such as in chat.
I'm very lucky in that I have a more feminine frame and for reasons connected with my groan up life such as having to have work suitable attire it's easier for me to do than for those who have to stay in 'drab' most of the time because I already have the start points in my wardrobe such as girls blouses because I wear them as secretarial wear at work and presently mine are long-sleeved and in white which is one the staple colours of school uniforms in the UK where I'm presently residing.

It may same odd but my first start point on this exercise was to think back to what colours I wore back in junior and junior high and what colours suit my complexion.
Red sure does, so to go with my pre-existing blouses, I bought myself a few red classic schoolgirl v neck sweaters which look good on me. (In the past because of small measurements I often bought children jumpers!).

The next main item was the choice of skirt as I'm not really a fan of trousers and certainly when I was in formal education girls generally didn't wear them to school and seldom at home either so the only question really was the style.
This was harder because firstly I had to decide if I was going for a 'seniors' style close to secretarial work wear or if I was looking at younger infant or junior style fully pleated style.
In the end the fact my LG is 12 won out so being a transitional age I opted for the junior style and as luck would have it it was available off the peg in my size and with the exact right length so it just covered the knees when sat on a groan up chair.
The skirt is pictured below:

The combination of the blouses, red sweater and that skirt looks good on me and achieves the objective in presenting me in my real age transporting me immediately to LG mode. The minute I'm in chat I go straight back and feel at ease with myself.

There will be a continuation piece posted sometime next week with any luck.

My uniform

I had discussed the notion of uniforms before, not least on this blog and more recently on girltalk as it appears different girls have a different and sometimes a choice of looks depending on how they themselves and their roles in an 'age-play' context with some being more the dressy sort and others not.
To me a function of having something outside of what in a more Adult setting I have say for work is to help me make a switch so that when say I'm in chat I look like the Middle with a little side I feel so I resemble that girl talking away or when I'm doing more middlish, littles things.
Being transgendered and thinking more forward I have a lot of things like the sort of blouses you'd were say for work so I thought about something like a school uniform and indeed they are white.

It's also the case my strongly felt need to be spanked and disciplined is routed in that junior experience, the one that in so many ways is in my inner child that having and wearing a uniform I associate with it makes sense.
I will be wearing a grey juniors pleated skirt with red top over the blouses together with white socks. I'll also be in traditional plain school knickers just like I was back then when at my junior school they'd spank me over them which in hindsight I appreciated.
This I think is going to be good for me.

Keeping things tidy and in order

Part of age-play and being in any kind of relationship that has that 'little' side to it that your interests come from there so in any rooms you are those things such as books, stuffies, figurines and dvds will be on display ideally in some sort of shelving or case.
I have a shelf for my many dvds mostly anime and childrens titles with the odd small plushie around every ten or so titles that looks so cute plus Hello Kitty playing cards.

Bridesmaids Edition tm

Okay I was kind of minded to make this post and although I'm not really well today, I thought I'd make the effort.

If by some strange chance you hadn't heard there was a really big Wedding on Friday last in fact a Royal Wedding and this usually leads to thoughts about the dress of Bride and Groom, the venue and all manner of stuff that I'll leave others to deal with.

My thoughts came back to the roles of Bridesmaids and Pageboys at weddings having attended a few from early childhood although sadly not in a Bridesmaids dress. The days as I recalled at least were a combination of experiences.

Excitement over all the people you would meet, being introduced to by your parents, of meeting distant relatives you might only of heard of and seen the odd photograph of.

Wonderment of the venue usually a Church with it's distinctive architecture - as those who saw Fridays events  no doubt realized Westminster Cathedral is marvellous.

Nervousness hoping everyone remembered their lines and nothing unscripted happened during the formal service.

Being knocked out to be invited to take a role and being fitted for your outfit for the day. It was really for real that you and your partners in crime were acing out for that day only being Prince and Princesses.

It was really the latter that lead me to include this one picture of the Bridesmaids and Pageboys in tunic and breeches taken Friday morning clearly having fun before the serious stuff started.

It captures it beautifully.

Time for a cuddle

I have a big soft spot for teddy bears and plushies as I like to feel their fur against my skin as I cuddle up to them or hug the smaller ones.

Although I'm a bit shy, I love people hugging and cuddling me as I feel very secure and loved when that happens whither I've been good or naughty.

It's funny actually that some people seem to think it's in order to come to someone - have them help them out and then be gone in a flash leaving this person behind.

It just seems to me that they're missing a fundamental truth - that you give as you receive - in life. Just imagine what would happen if we all said "Right I've had my help. Now don't come asking for any."

The absence of respect for the time put in is telling and there is no other word to employ but they USED them.

It's flat out wrong!

Floating along nicely

Feeling as if we're walking on air is part of the innocence of being an age-play adult middle so you may well feel like strolling around with a balloon be it say a My Little Pony one or a heart-shaped one cos you're in love with your caregiver.
It is the  most natural thing for you and why shouldn't you do just that?

Less is more

After all that talk about regression I had this thought:

Why do I want it all?
The only all I'd like - note I ever do wants people -  are good friends, enough money to live by and peace - everything else isn't necessary. I get zilch from it.
This is what I actually need-a child-like life wearing a pretty dress.
If that makes me weird so what? It's the kind of weird that makes sense to me.

Revisited classroom 2011

One of my last classroom experiences was attending a residential training school for the disabled which was held in a former Girls Boarding School with extensive grounds about a mile way from the town centre  and some  a quarter mile off the rail station.
The reason I was there was because I'd never received any  proper training for a career, my disabilities are such I'd need support across the whole day to get by and frankly I needed a more stricter school type structure most adult colleges don't offer to learn effectively.
Things like a rigid time-table, less lectures and more chalk and talk teaching and having to wear and being inspected on smart office uniform during class times. While corporal punishment was out, you could and I was taken out to the front to verbally chastised for such things as not using your time responsibly or being late returning to class in front of your peers.
It only took a day before we all realized we were mentally at least "at school" with very much a schoolboys and girls scene going on most days in our class with some of us clearly regressing with plushies and Winnie the Pooh pencil cases being out, the emergence of gangs and gang leaders coupled with lines being formed for our meals we had to keep to.
I through persistence and firm discipline from our instructors gained my COTAC travel industry qualifications.
Looking back on this, it does show clearly I loved being 'at school' with its rituals, social structures and the firm discipline adult settings don't usually provide and it is better for me.
I do think there is merit in being punished in each others presence not least as a deterrent to others and would accept it at an age-play school which I feel is what I'm looking for.