The 2017 review

It is the custom on my blogs to write a review of sorts around how my life has been over the last twelve months or so and Joanne's Dorm is no exception where we gather trends and notable episodes and here they are usually connected to my behaviour, attitude and disciplining.
I think the start point should be that the blog itself has like all of my blogs this year had a bit of a make over because they all go back a good number of years where the layouts were compromised by what blogger offered when it came to its templates so this has been bright more into line now with the others using easier to find Page elements the amount of static information shown  has been kept down and so on because the family of blogs gives you the whole picture while each specializes on key areas.
The second is that the title reflects the wider scope of this blog which is it has more thoughts and reflections by and about me and my life in it so while there is narrative it is more informative and I hope more entertaining.
It isn't a spanking blog but a blog that covers spanking in my life so my life, my emotions and feelings which do feed into situations where spanking is how I'm disciplined is covered rather more than it did.
One thing I have been talking rather more about this year is how my disabilities effect me, the stress and frustrations I feel and how that can and does effect my interactions with others in part because just writing about such things as feeling your needs are ignored in the political debate and how the changes to government social programs affect and influence my responses.
Although this Christmas preparation just gone has had its messy moments like my brother forgetting to pick up our presents from an aunt he'd expressly gone to get, a whole lot of 'cat herding' and his unannounced arrival yesterday that delayed our meal by over an hour (the activity around pans doesn't drop any hints with him!) that had a knock on effect all day, I had managed to avoid snapping and kicking off.
As well I have been engaged a bit more with my health walking weather permitting to improve my breathing, physical fitness, losing some weight  and switching off more enjoying being at one with nature, being in the moment.
Another has been how the support  over the years is helping to change some of my more immature responses to situations to one where I do take more responsibility not just for myself but also for others by doing things for everyone from helping more at littles camp to actively taking a part in preparing and cooking what we are eating.
Moving to being a passive consumer of others contributions to making a contribution.
Much of this is because there was been a gradual shift in the relationship ground rules such as being expected  to contribute, to be engaged with whatever is going on and more over they have shifted to a very much child-like handling model that has me doing chores and being told explicitly what to do.
That same shift also includes being scolded on the spot before being spanked with no exceptions whenever I breach those understandings about my role and conduct with those people I interact with.
It has helped me no end this year to have my bared bottom spanked by hand, slipper and tawse sometimes a few times one after the other to instill better discipline in me as it has help prevent repeats since making me think more about how those things affect others as well as me.
I honestly needed swift consequences and fortunately in 2017 people were prepared to be very firm to help me grow up.

Christmas Edition

It's usual on this blog to write something around Christmas here because it for one thing it's a major childhood memory, it's almost as big on my age regressed side having that Christmas Eve anxiety at night thinking what I may be having and finally its two whole different days. A heady mixture, what?
I'm home with Mom and Grumpy and I can smell the Turkey cooking ready for Lunch with the turkey from Waitrose, Pigs in blankets made from independent butchers own bacon and sausages, fresh veg from de market in town as we visit our neighbours and having just opened my presents.

Fun that was a direct re-run from my actual childhood came from this annual with adventures from Dennis the Menace, Minnie the Mix and the Bash Street Kids plus a special annual of the Dandy featuring such favourites as Korky the kat, Desperate Dan and Beryl the Peril.

I had some money from Mom, one brother that were put toward some compact discs and a HMV voucher.

One you'll be hearing more about next year without a shadow of a doubt is this six super audio cd set of Beethoven's Symphonies, a sacd set of Sibelius Symphonies and Chopin Preludes sacd.
As well I had a scarf and blu rays of Back To The Future  together with the Karate Kid which were two of my favourite movies from the 80's as I slowly replace a few by the better looking blu ray versions.
I hope you had a super day with your gifts and toys but also with company too.
*Written on the Chromebook on Christmas Day!

Happy Xmas

*** MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS ***

I've pretty much finished my present buying and card writing stuff now so we're on the waiting in for people to arrived in a random "I was just passing" fashion to drop things off and for anything here to be exchanged with coffee.
I love Christmas but I'm not so sure I'd want it everyday.
Great news following from December 6ths entry, the infamous blocklist with its dubious claims has been removed in the basis that people on it are inactive or have reformed.
Reformed certainly was the case here as that was what I did after some technological stuff to throw people off the scent  was work on that with the community I joined making sure I didn't repeat the single mistake and worked on earning my reputation back as I now have more followers than I did back then. As well, I established the "PSJ" tumblr on a totally different account focused on more Age Regressed adult little stuff with the odd post about spanking in it to keep it well away from minors.
Your regular service will resume on December 27th when I get around to typing some kind of a review thing and I sincerely hope I actually have functioning central heating as it's darn cold even at half past three in the afternoon anywhere outside the front room with its gas fire.

Establishing a mature independent you...

I recently saw this which was originally published by the artist Kittycouch in April that I thought summarized so well what trying to be a mature independently minded person with your own boundaries but also respecting other peoples ideas and ones is about.
I just thought in a week that saw some drama in one Age Regression community and also at the spanking needs site this is something that's needed as everything within it applies and it is I aspire to in handling differences which is  a part of the everyday normal things between people.
We're all a bit different.

A year this week

This week marks the first anniversary of an incident that occurred a year ago, over December 7/8th last year to be exact that had a significant emotional impact on me apart from drawing some lessons from that for a number of reasons I had not been able to openly talk about which is why there mentioned here and not on either 'main' blogs.
I think we are are all familiar with social media and although I don't do things like Facebook and skipped the My Space phase entirely I did do briefly Experience Project and after a few prompts from some Lolita associates, I decided to do Tumblr starting with a a fairly regular sfw cg/l come Littlespace one adding a more 18+ cglish one as cg/l and some regressed discipline based spanking one on totally separate accounts.
This was the period 2015/6 where the whole question of under 18's and Cg/l, the emerging Tumblr Age Regression communities were forming as that side in some folks Cg/l relationships seemed to be what they were looking for and yes, being Tumblr we had bitter discourse (and a fair few threats).
The start point for how the incident occurred stems from a error born of what seemed to be a quick and easy way to deal with how a DMCA takedown lead to the 18+ Cgl-ish account being terminated by Tumblr where I decided to remake it in a more toned down form as a Secondary tumblr on the first one's account.
The short outline of that for non tumblr people is you don't have separate  following lists for each and while people can follow each Tumblr separately, when posting the default is your main and you have to toggle down to your secondary tumble when posting OR reblogging.
At that point my primary account didn't belong to any group or community because all that was to come around mid 2016 and so it was a sfw Cg/l account that provided you minded what you posted such as nothing sexual  on it  then that was it.
To save creating another Tumblr email/password ID I created that new 18+Cgl account as a secondary on the back of the original account in late January 2016 where I was loosely aligned with sfw cg/l.
Part of this discourse that has been the bain of CG/l and Age Regression on Tumblr is the separation between sfw Cg/l (toys, child-like play, cute fashion and meets) and 18+ or especially nsfw Cg/l that may take in sexual acts, bdsm and potentially spanking (although that can be sfw and non sexual) in that some may only want the sfw side of caregiver/little and not welcome interaction from any people more into say bdsm or sexual stuff of a  graphic nature.
Toss in the Minors in DD/lg (and CG/l) on Tumblr controversy and you'd have to be an idiot not to see a problem around adults who may be sexual/kink and minors who are not allowed (rightly) to be sharing that space.
This on Tumblr lead to a separating out of 'pure' sfw and increasingly minor accepting Age Regression from sfw Cg/l, the formation of communities that only accepted that and what some saw then as the demonizing of all Cg/l including the sfw form that moved into prohibiting interaction from sfw Cg/l  and in some the promotion of the idea 'Littlespace' was inherently  kink because some in more 18+ and Nfsw Cg/l used the term.
By the October of 2016 war had broken out between purist Age Regressors and those who used the Caregiver/little setting in a more sfw quasi-parental way  with a alignment of some in DD/lg supporting the purists.
Into that a number of people who had either been on the sfw Cg/l end or had joined Caregiver/little Age Regression (CGL/re) felt that separation hadn't stopped the war nor the business of Kink people getting in what were now minor friendly spaces and created a new community with own lexicon purposely to avoid shared terms with all CG/l communities featuring a CareBear logo.
That started out around the second week of November (the 15th??), I was hovering around the CGL/re community although not in membership but for two weeks they had dual membership where you could belong to them AND another another either CGL/re or the more Purist (and argumentative) CHIldREgression (Chire) and I joined with a person from Chire and in the first day we actually messaged each other rather than being suspicious of each other.
To understand what was to happen we need to go back that second 18+ non sexual Tumblr that was still operating, still reblogged some non sexual  'adult schoolgirl' spanking content with me having to remember to 'toggle' to that account and although I love her to bits I reblogged my BFF's posts cos we have the same sort of regressed non-sexual  CG/l life quite a bit sometimes when I hadn't been well being up around four in the morning.
It was a term of the community I joined November 23rd that you could not interact on that Tumblr with anything DD/lg or CG/L and by that fateful December morning even CGL/re although it was unclear if it applied to the whole account and by extension post anything that would go on such an account or just that individual tumblr.
Things had gone well, I'd masked the following information so nobody could see what accounts I followed although there had been the odd near miss where I forgot to switch account and wiped the post in seconds.
Well it would of been early December 8th UK time when not getting any sleep I fired up the laptop around 4AM starting first with the main Tumblrs posts reblogging and then reblogging anything from the accounts of those who followed my second Tumblr which needless to say included some spanking posts between yawns and had finished by about twenty to six when I noticed the message indicator was on and when I looked at the posts, reviewing them I saw on of the reblogs intended for that second Tumblr had instead gone on the first so I  quickly deleted deleted it thinking nobody would up that time of the morning.
I clicked on the message thinking it might of been my Caregiver with a "And what the heck are you up this time Young Lady expecting a probable trip to LapLand tm with a paddle" when I saw the user name of the Communities Mod who had asked me to leave the Group citing that post to which I replied in the affirmative.
What I didn't count on was a highly misleading blocklist post that implied it was much worse than it was AND this wasn't the only post which was a bare faced lie.
Throughout the day the blocklist and its falsehoods were reblogged, people didn't just unfollow me they blocked me -  near enough a fifth of my followers - and what was worse was I couldn't talk to anybody about what happened and why the account the mod put up about it  who has been accused of falsehoods since was incorrect because blocking prevents messaging.
I started to pace around the house in a distraught agitated state, crying all the time feeling I'd not just really messed this up but I'd let my followers down and people would start messaging me to drive me away. I wanted to end it all.
It was horrible.
It wasn't that I knew I'd made a awful mistake and in hindsight a bigger one in making that Secondary Tumblr, it was the banishment that even went beyond that community and the lack of any kind of forgiveness and restitution, the feeling nobody cared confirmed when I put an anon post about the topic just confirmed it: one mistake and you're dead for life.
I joined another community just before Years End with a couple of things in mind, one being to find someone who was prepared to allow me work to earn my reputation back by my actions as the loss of it weighed heavily on my mind.
I also felt there they had been inconsistent as another community Mod had had quite a bit of nsfw material on theirs but HAD been allowed to move it to totally separate Tumblr and yet for one post in error I had been banished.
The community I joined had a value system that was more around respecting others as you would have others respect you when it came to any interaction that lead to less petty squabbling and 'dobbing in' others with all the anxiety and paranoia that goes with it. It would offer the benefits of belonging but less stressful.
It had easy to understand clear cut rules on posting that I thought I needed so I could learn how to post responsibly, had no issues with terms like Littles and littlespace and recover from the anxiety the whole incident caused.

I think the lessons I learned was Quick Fixes aren't always a good idea, who my real friends were and you can dust yourself off and restart so long as you do  learn from things.

Keeping warm

For a long time a staple of my more Tomboy look were lined tracksuit bottoms of the sort that was less overtly masculine with a very sporty feel to them but plainer fleece lined ones that for a period I wore a lot with baseball jackets.

 Just to annoy the brand loyalists I'm not simply because they tend to made from similar materials in the usual factory locations despite attempts to use 'sports science' to build up a strong sense of individual identity and unless you truly are using them in a professional sports context, you generally don't need that stuff anyway.
These area navy blue pair I recently  bought as I usually prefer to avoid baby pinks or white as they tend to show up marks and draw rather more attention to them than I'm comfortable with.
While non-brands can be cheap, I find the finish doesn't last as much.

Reflections on what spanking is for

Well, I got my two new usb memory sticks to replace the defective HP one I mentioned last week which appear to be faster at not just reading but writing too as it took me less time than usual to transfer over the read only HP ones contents to them and then add anything that of necessity had been stored on the laptops own hard drive tidying up as needed.

That's as much techno stuff I really need to say here but for a few days I've been suffering with a migraine which has slowed me down although thankfully I had already written Monday's littles blog and have an idea of the next ones text in mind.

There are a few things I do feel like saying of which one is don't like clumsy mini-modding by people who may be new to a place around rules that it is obvious they don't quite understand more or less implying I had broken it.

The second is almost a constant refrain which is the main reasons why you don't go into detailed talk around childhood spanking on adult only sites are, firstly it's not a site about spanking minors so it's off topic, some people would write accounts of childhood spanking lingering in great detail author clearly enraptured as if we really wished to read it and that sadly such an account could be a thinly disguised depiction of an actual child having (one hell of a) spanking in which instance it might be argued we hosted 'child abuse' material that not only would trigger those of us who are child abuse survivors but also bring unwarranted attention that also has the potential to put members at risk of investigation.

Of itself it has nothing to do with spanking been associated with some as sexualized and the site reason for existence is seeing spanking as a NEED for some adults and it's application as being therapeutic rather than providing sexual gratification although there is a sub forum for those who do have sexual feelings arising from it.

For me spanking has been a therapeutic experience helping me deal with my feelings and at times tailspinning impulses, helping with other areas of my regressed life in helping me deal with my childhood, providing necessary structure and discipline I truly needed.

I have had people now fortunately banned suggest my age regression is not real, that I do not get into a regressed space with those very much child-like thoughts and even words using cuss words on that site.

Like in their world only Age Play is real and even question who I am even though people who look for that will find proof positive I'm Jo not Joe or Rob not to mention plenty of people have had face to face interactions with me and know this.

My regression doesn't need tainting with presumptions of supporting child abuse (which is really sick given some of the stuff I've had in my life) or just being for sexual gratification and that latter in particular really does make me wonder why I joined as I expressly rejected that whole scene and this non sexual approach is what caused me to join.

[Edited 12/7/2017]

Wednesday's on my mind edition

This week gone I was dealing with a few things that play with emotions that sometimes get too carried away with.
The first was really more cos we've been decorating here which often feels like it's two-thirds moving and one third actual time decorating by the time you've moved things and put them back where they usually live.
The area we were decorating is the living room wall of which a part is a corner where I sit  with plushies on a surface, music players to avoid any tv shows that I find too hard to stomach emotionally and the Chromebook for looking at certain sites on so obviously they'd have be moved.
Because of my memory issues moving things isn't a good idea generally speaking as I can and do forget anything suddenly gone as I have little short-term memory and so I planned where to move them to writing a note in my pocketbook of where each thing was and where it normally goes.
This goes well and by Sunday we are putting things back as the person decorating sees a patch he's not too happy with and goes to touch it up while I wasn't up. Now I get up and it comes to that part of the day I'd be looking looking at using one the players  but they aren't there. I go looking all around the house for them all frantic  as apart from the cards with music one I didn't want to lose, these thing are a few hundred pound each almost breaking a pictures it falls over and nobody says "I moved this" or "What you looking for" until half an later were one person said "I moved them because I touched up the painting" putting them somewhere you'd never expect to see.
Like why can't you just say when you come down "Oh by the way I put this here"? cos it really wound me up thinking I'd lost something expensive to replace.
Another thing has been some issues within the stealth Tumblr I haves age regression communities where two people have been very much at each others throats to the point one threatened to end their life late Sunday and another hasn't been heard of since a similar statement was issued a a few days back.
My own feelings are that two of them are feel they *are* age regression to the point they bully themselves and attempt to bully others apart from being very manipulative to everyone else which one reason I keep my distance from direct involvement in groups and why my main Tumblr is with a group that outside a few rules has 'live and  let live' approach to how people regress and what when outside of that regressed headspace people may do.
To me everybody does this thing differently and what's so wrong with that?
The third thing is a little techno and that is a couple of years ago I bought a HP brand 64gb usb memory stick and it has developed a fault that seems common with PNY sourced sticks of this series where it goes into write protection only mode which in everyday terms means you can read what is on it but not edit nor remove anything. A digital headstone in a way which is frustrating as there's 7gb spare AND I did want to remove some content.
While it's still read only I'll copy over to two new Sandisk sticks, one just as music copy (Flac and some Lame Mp3 320's) and another that can live in the Dell windows machine for pictures and littles related text content I don't want handing around on a hard drive.

An Authentic Jo

Here at the dorm I've been rather busy dealing with the Blogsphere tm of this is one of a few in this family of blogs that go back to the mid 2000's that deal with different aspects of my life overlapping a little but with main focus which so reminds me of school Venn Diagrams that one was to draw neatly or be suitably admonished.
In someways then it's perhaps for the best this family blog member is fairly recent as all the 'baby steps' in blogging happened before and had been learned from so the same mistakes had not been repeated.
An often repeated comment I hear at various sites that sadly I'm less able than I'd like due to my physical disabilities to message is around the extent in a world where people do cultivate an image of themselves and their abilities to the point when one interacts with them either messaging or face to face even there's a gap between what you read and what you see with me I'm very much the same on any site, any kind of 'chat' and  when I've been privileged to spend time face to face with people for extended periods.
The word that comes to mind is "Authenticity", the extent to which one is true to yourself in harmony with your own spirit while respecting rules and social conventions that make life frictionless as we all know what to expect.
Thus while on one blog I do write around social trends and current affairs, another more of joys of littles regressed life and here around emotions, attitudes and the role of corporal punishment in my life neither denies what the other centred on and where all is intertwined, the one whole me.
What I write about is what I feel, what I have experienced and actually know routed in my life albeit my education, employment and learning more about coping with my actual needs rather than what may know second hand or the views of those who write about what they have read.
The one thing towering over all is a childhood that was very much routed in being in an actual boarding school for much of my education which went beyond of curriculum subjects but in moral character building and standards and one that understood you learn through consequences, believing strongly in disciplining you very much for ones own good.
What I have to say around this and as it applies in particular to corporal punishment  is very much from having received it 'in loco parentis' several times each deserved and from that how that changed for the better those attitudes and behaviours first hand rather than any kind of role playing fantasy.
I know it works well with me as it did with most of my peers at the time not just in nipping our behaviour in the bud but also of deterrence of the class,  year group and ultimately whole school from acting on such impulses.
The benefits in terms of being able to study, to have your teacher just come in and start the lesson and carry on with everyone engaged rather than endless low level disruption might surprise present generations!
It is that I suspect the last person who commented picked up on in the broader sense in that I am the product of such an education and it shows in my work.
Thank you for your compliment.

Weekly review

I'm taking things a bit steady this week for a reason, namely I was having 'spoons' issues to the point over the weekend I just fell asleep, zoning out too, when I was talking with my BFF. Unfortunately I don't always spot when this is likely to occur which is like kind of embarrassing and often I'll have no idea until I wake up this happened and even the just what it was I was meant to be doing.
I may delay publishing one blog and concentrate on a upcoming Tumblr anniversary entry apart from also working on anniversary entry and associated work on The World of Joanne_chan so like that's two significant things to mark.
You can't stop the unexpected though .
Earlier this week a person we know knocks on the door about twenty past nine in the evening which is wind down time with me before I have a drink and go to bed and Mommy lets her in plus dog. The dog is the reason she came cos it had been badly injured requiring some £2,000 worth of veterinary work plus much tlc by its owners to restore walking and she wanted to show its progress. Mommy kind of forgot for one thing my plushies were all out on a couch in a line, theirs various children' completed craft kits of mine in the fireplace, dolls in the corner by me, one on my chair and...wait for it...I was in my uniform too! Fortunately she wasn't phazed by it however I take things as if you arrive with no warning then you can't expect people to change or put away things so you either accept even if puzzling or leave cos it's your space and you don't live in that to suit others ideas and that.
I've been continuing with trying to reduce portion sizes a little as two thick beefburgers and a plateful of rice really is too much before you add a substantial sweet into the picture as I wasn't created to be a walking waste food consumer and equally I've been continuing with regular daily exercising not least during the weekend as inactivity added to that excess food really doesn't do me any good healthwise.
That's what I couldn't understand as I'd eat quite a bit including a ton of candy at Littles Camp but actually lose weight by the end which leads me to the conclusion actually littles shaped movement I feel okay doing is the thing I need and nothing too focused on targets plus that really boring adult stuff.  Kinda more play in play mindset that functions as exercise if you will.
I've also been listening to a lot of piano music recently not just cos I like the music but actually I find listening to a piano very soothing emotionally getting lost in the peaceful mental scene.

Growing up Jo

The complimentary post to This  on the main blog.
One of the things I do struggle with is face to face interaction not least opening up a conversation with people cos I get so super nervous I just freeze over or not have the conversation I had intended in my head.
So it was actually pretty good I managed to start one with my second best friend this weekend talking to her about her life, her studying animation while listening and even making eye contact with is something I've had feedback on before now as I find that...so oppressive ordinarily.
Like I can recall this being brought up in a staff review looking at client interaction several years back in what was generally a excellent review as a potential barrier to communication.
I also found the work I have being doing over the last five weeks or so on putting together a PT routine for me paid of well but with unlike last time being able to get across the from the rail station to a bus interchange without getting out of breath propelling my wheeled suitcase and bags and also while i have difficulty with steps and uneven surfaces I was able to keep up with the group as we walked through woodland and canal tow paths for a good mile or so to where we were eating without breaking out into a deep sweat or struggling at the back.
That for me is really good going. 
The weekend went very well overall like  I mean no one found good reason to spank me which is reassuring cos it never was a role playing or sensual game thing with me and more to the point the people I'm with not least those in 'grown up' capacities to me  truly understand and ensure my my vulnerabilities are never taken advantage of. 
When that gap is what it is sometimes I do feel it was so much more easier when I was in my teens cos at least those very same issues and needs would be protected and moreover nobody would 'assume' I had a developmental level I don't whereas now they do because they are working with adult norms which just don't apply. So in a way I'm very fortunate they meet my needs and respect my limits, saying that to one made me tearful to tell you the truth.
I also did co-operate fully, helping out with preparing the evening meal two other guests consumed on the Friday and baking the sponge cake for the Party without a murmur of discontent even when I had to make another sponge as one of my haves didn't quite take in the oven.
Changing my attitudes around looking after my needs and also contributing, being expected  help out has not been easy given my past but with a lot of encourage to help and the preparedness of people to strictly discipline me over it, I am starting to develop more of a sense of self discipline to help me be more mature in that way even with the oh so real limitations in other respects.
I did great this weekend.

Attitude audit

Well, I'm going to be off in a couple of days time spending regressed time with others so I have tried super hard this time to get most of these posts written up ready.
Today's is a bit different in that it's about my social skills and attitudes which are more of an issue when I'm naturally with people rather than say on my own and how far I've come on.

Until I heard of the expression "self sabotage" from my second best friend some years back I was never real able to explain how it while I believed in the ideal inevitably I'd end up up just enough to scrap through at best and often set out on line that would result in doing worse than I can by not preparing properly, not making a plan and just allowing myself to be distracted from what it is wanted to do for something more enjoyable or less effort.
Part of this was the belief that because I struggle though my disabilities with things then I could only fail so why even bother especially when few people cared if did try.

This is one I'm pretty good at and do take shoes off or change to slippers when I visit people even though I wasn't raised at home to.

I'm pretty good at this, not being inclined to enter into gossip sharing sessions with people or otherwise dish things up to people.

 More often than not I'll go help somebody struggling but have struggled with the idea of helping as in contributing to something by giving my time and effort but is something that is being worked on.

You may of heard of yo-yo dieting  but I've tended to be yo-you over taking exercise from my mid teens onwards, never looking cool and always wanting to do things involving being still to the exclusion of anything physical.
It may not help having a physical disability but not undertaking exercise of any form make that worse for me. I have been exercising for about forty minutes to an hour in sessions after thinking more about its effects from clothes feeling a bit tight apart from I was struggling with walking even short distances which this does seem to be helping.

 Another not good at although I am currently eating banana's and apples daily preferring chocolate caramel bars.

This is one I have always struggled with generally because of issues in  our family history, what from my point of view I see as their reluctance when young to be actively involved in raising me, issues with them over gender identity, refusing to accept professional opinion when it came to disability diagnosis's, lack of support in my learning to the point of ignoring poor work and calls to attend meetings to discuss and so on.
One affect of this is I had developed a disrespect for adult authority, a switched offness  to any engagement and don't take advice well.

Generally I'm pretty good at being helpful, properly empathize more being left out deliberately by groups for gender or disability reasons

I'm pretty good over personal hygiene such as covering my nose when sneezing and washing my hands before eating and cooking even when after allowing myself to be distracted even if that adds to my being late.

We  should put an X through boy and replace by girl and usually I'm on the edge of talking back usually as a defense mechanism to brush them away lest they hurt me and my feelings which hasn't been helped in the past for seeing other people as having the same exact authority and non OVER me.
It also didn't help that those I was with believed in letting me try to have control OVER them as a way of coping with MY needs.

More often than not I do clean them, mind you with anything to hand such as screwdriver blades etc and always scrub them after handling anything they may of sank into.

 I'm usually pretty good over respecting other peoples space or property as a rule

For a long time I tended to switch from being a wall flower, feeling very awkward socially to doing something that was bound to grab attention even if it either put me in physical danger or  made other people unhappy or worried. I didn't care so long as you couldn't ignore me  and I feel that sense of being ignored rather encouraged it rather than being helped to have a role people could learn to value and perhaps I might value  what I could add too.

I've been generally bad over this tending to be caught up more in the moment being with someone or doing something I feel compelled to continue on with not helped by feeling at times that you should fit more around what I'm doing.

 As a former politician arguing for the sake of it was a stock in trade  even when in practical terms it made little difference and caused more issues than it solved.

I'm pretty good over borrowing you know. Like  returns stuff prompt looking after it super carefully

Still a difficult one as I tend to dump and run, never really making time to put things away in any real order and when people move them getting super annoyed with them soon moving to argument not being prepared to back down

I like to drink milk put the people I live with seem to think I prefer tea. I don't as it's just role playing an adult if ask for tea and I like cookies with me milk instead.

If anything my problem is less around taking more than I need to claim it for me so much as being a  poor and at times fussy eater with genuine restrictions on diet too with intolerances and allergies.

As having read this you can see there is much when comes my attitudes and that I do struggle with which is why rather late in the day I'm getting a lot more targeted  help at them as in many respects I really should of learned and moved on from many of these eons ago and why if I'm with you it helps if you try to hold me more to account so I do change and those that have become more second nature to me.

The League Of Adult Schoolgirls

The week here so far hasn't been particular stressful although I will be thinking through what I actually need to take with me next Friday for that weekend and maybe write some cards out in advance. I have in any event got the transport side sorted out.
One project I'm working on presently is "The league of adult schoolgirls" on Tumblr because there are a number of us who are Adult Schoolgirls and also some Adult Schoolboys whose interest in this is  purely age regressed having no sexual or bdsm based kink aspects and we have a number of issues from this.
One is the number of people do are more sexually Age Playing not just following but reblogging and messaging us inappropriately even though we say we do not want no sexual or bdsm contact.
The second is to get some ideas around common posting standards when it comes to content so we all know what to expect and help establish that as a standard for us so we stand out in a see of porn and bdsm blogs.
Thirdly it is to by using tags to make it easier to find actual Adult Schoolgirl or boy Tumblrs free from that stuff so in effect we are able to be a sfw non sexual community in Tumblr in our own right.
Part of that stems from although we in every other way are in sfw Age Regression many communities are Minor Friendly and so aren't keen on adults wearing uniform posts often erroneously seeing it as an Age Play kink which obviously isn't okay for minors. That means in practise we cannot have Tumblrs in those Communities that feature Adult Schoolgirl or boys even when sfw and non sexual and some communities even take issue with you having a side blog from your main one if it feature that content.
It's one reason why in the past I tended to keep references to it on a external blog to which a link might be posted.
I'll be interest to see how this works out.

"Nothing else seems to help..."

After last weeks justified rant about the failings of part of my Support System in dealing a important health and welfare issue we move on to something else.

This digitized newspaper clipping from the mid twentieth century where in connection with bring up children (and young adults) there was quite a bit of talk about what worked and up to how old you then popular methods of discipline such as spanking should be used for.
The explanation around why the daughter gets spanks more often than many  is very very close to home because with me I just don't deal with warnings and reasoning is often less than effective with me getting muddled and seen more as a walk over as I just ignore them.
Until the resumption in adulthood of era stereotypical spanking, we'd just ignore any requests and just get into a totally confused mess when trying to verbally chastise me.

To actually deal with me you need to learn to feel comfortable with having a relationship with me where you will communicate your displeasure by just gently restraining me with an arm  and spanking me straightaway.

You need to hold nothing back so I feel both physically and emotionally your displeasure ensuring it registers with me beyond any doubt to dissuade me in the future from repeating it.

You may need to be prepared in extreme situations to bring a cane out to really get the point over because the point is simply, this is just about the only thing that does teach me how to behave oddly enough. It's just how I'm wired.

Raising an issue

Sometimes I do wonder how grounded in reality certain photoshoot agencies are as I can't quite see the cut of so many school type pinafores being accepted for being low or simply too skimpy.
I do rather like this Hello Kitty denim one heaps however as it looks cute and lends itself to having badges sown on it it.
The aftermath of Marmalade's passing shot  before he departed this planet - the fleas that were belatedly dealt with  is being fixed  after much grumbling and my being bitten very badly (I'm covered in red itchy spots).
You see The Powers That Be did NOTHING to tackle the infestation although the local vet advised spraying and indeed did stock it so I've been sat as the little devils gripped tightly with their jaws in my hands and so on having to pull them off  as they dined out on my blood as I felt like screaming.
I decided to force the issue - a tactic I had to at school to get any attention to school progress or meetings requested to actually happen and bought a can of darn stuff myself from a well known supplier on Amazon Marketplace and present it to them with a take and  use message.
I detest having to act this way but circumstances prevent what I would consider more acceptable ways of acting.

Adult Free Zone

Hello and welcome to this Saturday's edition of the blog that may appear at times to be about any number of things but usually is connected in some way to discipline in the wider sense of the word and spanking.
In the week that saw the death of Tom Petty whose songwriting and performances I loved for decades saw a person on Tumblr follow me for a matter of minutes before unfollowing no doubt because I don't pander to soft porn and the like.
That as far as I'm concerned is their loss because I'm just me and age regression is just that and non-sexual so anyone can go whistle if they think that's what you'll find.
The thing some just don't get about this life it isn't some cheap spicing up of peoples romantic and sexual lives but it is routed very much in actual needs not role played but one where uncomfortable truths need to be accepted such as the need for adult protection when emotionally and developmentally you are more a child and when as I was painfully reminded last weekend at the door I couldn't cope with a adult door to door seller situation and I needed to be 'seen' as the 'child' who lives there having nothing to with Soffits and the like who at best would ask 'Daddy' to come to the door.
That's the thing, age regression equates to treating me as that adult/Child, dressing me as one isn't just cute (although god knows I look cute like that) in a pinafore or summer gingham dress, a set of handed down rules from adult parental figures coupled with support with scolding and spanking me as an agreed matter of course for disobedience and disrespect.
It just works out better this way.

"This is what you need"

When you aren't as able as most, you are more dependent on other people for things or completing them which isn't just an irritant that can cause you to lash out in frustration in itself but also a cause of tension between you.
What isn't said I think needs to be is inevitably it does alter the relating dynamic by virtue they have what you need and can't do that they can use as lever and equally you may feel you have leverage because they're your means of getting something done so it is easy to form an abusive relating pattern.
But it's not just that it's also how that person slots into the role helping you realize the idea you had that can become a point of contention too.
Speaking as a person whose always been disabled, our normal expectation is in discussing it with someone, they work with us to do it the way we wish unless that's not possible in which instance we'd expect them to talk though other suggestions reaching agreement on the way forward.
What can happen though is the person runs with what they feel is what you need, taking control not just of the help but also of the very idea itself imposing their ideas in place of yours  then threatening to walk off leaving with an uncompleted job if you even question such attitude as the one looking for help.
It's as if at that point you just became invisible no longer permitted to have any say about some things in your lives and that easily leads to tensions that others soon pick up on.
I think if you spot this early on you need to bring this up as it can easily cause issues.

Chaos inc!

Ooo er, If I tried that around around here I'd be in some serious trouble for sitting on top the table although to be honest I am a  bit prone to plonking myself on anything flat and convenient if truth be told.
The full account will be told on another blog but one thing I do find is I get very anxious especially when it doesn't appear anything is really anchored because I struggle without being given the ropes of structure and this easily feeds into my behaviour at times.
I was supposed to be attending a wedding social get together  this weekend gone and believe me given the lack of clear information about what was happening, when it was and the overall picture you'd of thought it was covered by the Official Secrets Act as I was told next to nothing and attempts to try and get any further information just hit a brick wall.
First we had a communication saying in effect keep the day clear then an official invite for a social gathering from around two to eleven pm so having checked during the week I was to for around six pm making arrangements for my food as in cooking a joint only to find on the Sunday in a phone call all that was off - the planned wedding elsewhere was called off - and it was going to happen in two hours time.
A Quick phone call to the grooms father established that even he knew nothing until the middle of the day before and he was to witness it!!!
This meant some rushing about trying to get changed quickly and reorganizing my transport to get there as I was told I needed to attend.
Well, I was nervous before we started as I find being with people, being able to 'read' their clues and that difficult as I didn't want to mess up socially and this didn't really help any so I made of point in keeping a couple of things in my trouser pocket to use to 'stim' with if needed but I managed to steady my nerves so I could interact a bit with people although it was funny when someone said who's the school girl in her uniform!
I also played a bit with fluorescent pink and green sticks as everything had a spooky theme.
I think I did okay coping with the chaos surrounding event  which goes to show I'm getting betterer at this than I used to be.
Like I did end up on a good set of notes not least attending on my terms and showing many difficulties aside I can be far more responsible than my younger brother when it comes to dealing with changed circumstances and focusing on what really matters. I think cuteness comes from within  actually, not that cannot look attractive and dress in a cute way if that's you because it's how you see things and act upon them and for me there's a direct practically child like way of doing this which isn't studied or otherwise affected. That's the thing with me, you don't get 'adult' games going on because they aren't in me and moreover I don't even understand how you might even play them so in 'adult' situations I am a 'innocent abroad' and am actually a lot more vulnerable than you may think. You may call that 'cute'. It's just me being me!

Wednesday ramblings

There are few things I do want to talk about today that don't easily slot into the other blogs of which one may have an effect on next weeks edition which is I'll be out Sunday for some kind of wedding reception event my oldest brothers son features in.
If that sounds vague in my weirdo family between my brothers and  that's how it is as it's been the most secretive wedding going with the groom seemingly being unaware of his involvement in it, his Dad knowing nothing about the day and if he was even attending.
Nobody knows where the wedding ceremony seems to be taking place although bride and groom spend ten days in Florida which was seen as honeymoon  so it 'may' have happened there and in any event his aunts were not invited to attend.
We only received an invitation to what reads as a reception event for friends that people can dip in and out of at whim although we are aunts and uncles and God parents which doesn't suggest any thing formal such as lunch or witnessing the Union.
As  yet even the question of how it is we're supposed to get their hasn't been resolved with the usual state of non-communication between themselves and between us and them.
Al we know is the dress code is black and red as its a Goth themed event or perhaps more 'happening' might seem a better term so I'm looking in the closet for something to wear.
The other thing is really to do with being on forums which having been on various ones since 2005 I think I've a pretty good angle on as while often they can be fun sometimes people can cause problems to others in which instance site owners have to deal the mess.
The problem seemed to be that some dispute got heated as strangely enough they do at which point it attracted the attention of the sites Moderation whose job it is to keep things within the law and to act on rules which are about people having a good time on the site are broken who decided to block the person.
This person used the status update that hadn't been blocked to lambast the moderator and accuse another of being involved suggesting they'd been picked on.
This sort of approach seldom if ever achieves anything good as it looks very disrespectful to challenge a moderator publicly where taking a disagreement to message or email is usually better and accusing people in public not only adds fuel to the fire but risks polarizing a forum undermining its core purpose.
It seems so odd people who presumably wouldn't handle a in so-called real life like that goes this way at it.
The thing both have in common is how they can effect how I feel and the extent I've learned to switch off more so I don't let them drag me down emotionally.

Love and understandings in middle/little space

Sometimes the Sqynx has an effect that goes beyond their initial context such as an abdl comic where topics arise within a page and some discussion in its comments box  takes part to which I have post a few observations but as I didn't wish to put highly personalized ones in there I thought It'd set them out here instead.
When a person sets out in their little/middle age regressed to build not so much on being emotionally that person playing but in the return of those structures and relating patterns that more mirror those of child to Parent such as a "Caregiver/little" there can be a difference between your sense of needing and wanting it as that little and being ready emotionally for the 'rolling back' when it comes to having that final say and certain of facets such as wearing and using diapers or how you are to to present yourself in their company.
This is something that the Caregiver needs to be aware of, talking through respecting limits even if over time they may change not seeing this as a automatic disrespect issue between little and Caregiver and treated accordingly
This is something in a less structured matter of fact way is talked through  between those adults in my life who assume Caregiver roles and myself all the time so they know my limits and I am clear on what we have agreed on.

When in their company I am very much that little/middle and this is my relating style personified not least when there is any question as to my conduct to the as Caregiver(s) very much their 'child' to whom all this happens not just because it is the authentic me but because they love me so much that they enable that side to present and be acted on by them as that child.

As that 'child' they look after me with all those expectations and rules that I stand attentively  deferring to them as my adult authorities as they scold and spank me as they feel appropriate.

Sometimes it is hard for some to understand that actually that allowing me that space to be and present as little/middle me and this other side are connected but actually they are.

Their scolding and spanking me is a reflection their love for me, that they know I can do better and need to be corrected to move me on, the very same love that allows me to be little me.

My spanked bottom is an  a sign of that that we all should be glad of.

*Some comments on blog layout*
As you may of noticed if you are viewing this via a traditional laptop computer rather than a smartphone or tablet computer, the layout may look different this is because of two things, one I am unifying the layouts between my little/middle blog, the middles journal "That Boarding School Girl" and this, Joanne's Dorm, for improved legability and ease of finding things such as pages.
The second is technical which is the template width across the board for all three are now set at 1100 px where originally they were set at 860px because way back in the mid 2000's computer monitors had such smaller resolutions that also were square shaped and today most are at least 1366x768px or better widescreen.
It put simply looks less squashed up and cluttered.
The original Blogger 'Classic templates were limited to 860px but I changed the templates to newer ones a year or two ago.

New term at the dorm and in trouble!

There's nothing quite like a big case for taking an impromptu rest on now is there although being perched on the end of a table comes a close second if my recollections for being told off for it at school and elsewhere are anything to go by. And yes that's a hockey stick seeing it's Autumn and the school hockey season is upon us.
In the eighties, when hip hop and turntabling become very popular we had a good number of catch phrases such as "Cat Scratch Fever" that made their way on to silver and black stickers we liberally coated our pocketbooks and dorms with although the kind of scratch fever I have presently is different.
Marmalade, the most imposing cheekiest ever pussycat, you see has brought that kind of scratch fever to me with inflamed red spots where his fleas have made a meal out of me and I'm feeling very itchy.
Believe me trying to both not scratch these darn things and not get irritated with people and things because of the discomfort it's leaving me in is hard going so I'm like counting to ten before responding because it's not other peoples fault I'm feeling this way.
I have to try to learn to deal with them better these days.
That wasn't the only thing that happened  this week though.
Rain it has to be said doesn't do much for my bones at all so when it's not okay to be  out then attention naturally turns to indoor matters and may be things that have been put off. The other week I was talking about the mountains of VHS tapes that don't get played as I no longer have a recorder and even the dvd box sets that seemed a good idea at the time that were rocketing skywards in piles and eventually I got around to tidying them up  and removing chunks untouched unplayed for like years and some instances decades. 
"How many times do I have to tell you you have to do something about those high rise tower block piles of cd's, Jo?" Well that would of been on a caption made for me cos I like have to deal with them which between a coffee break and writing this  I am doing cos they're like rabbits, multiplying so I've been tidying them up so they're in sort of order rather than last order used and thinning them out. Later on I have to wait, have my progressed on this checked and then I'm to be bent over, knickers taken down for a paddling for shooting through repeated instructions to do this. Don't feel sorry for me as I do need to learn from this experience.
Until the next time, bye

End of Summer review

Last post of August here on the Dorm blog so I'm feeling more reflective  which is what most of this blog will be plus things to do with with this last week.

First off I have been taking stock of my large music and video based collection, pruning it of duplicates and of things like box sets that you might only watch once in seven years and for the reminder of the time they just sit around gathering dust.
While its true compared to their older forms such as VHS tape or Eight track tapes they are slimmer it still doesn't a lot before it gets into sizable piles growing ever skyward! There is a limit to just how many of these things you can keep.
In general outside of the one computer incident, my general behaviour and attitudes have been pretty good although between next doors antics and Grumpy's carrying ones there's been enough provocation to set me off going by my past which shows I am maturing.
If I'm getting to the point of risky attitudes and the like, then I need a spanking to pull me back and I'd sooner that happens.
My BFF has been away and will be returning by the time she reads this as she messaged me Sunday during a gap which is nice but I'm glad in a way that she's not messaging me all the time she's away because it's important for her as it is for me to learn to switch off, spend time with those that care for her while they're away and enjoy the time at the places they go.
Of course I miss her, truthfully I can think few people in my life I ever missed not being around to spend time with because she's taught a lot about life, is a person I care for deeply and has taught me things about myself even but in odd sort of way we have grown up together and are growing up as adult middles living the same sort of life.
That way of life leads me to talk about a blog that's generally not listed at middle/little places that goes back to a period where most of my interaction was at forums very much centred at adults interested in music plus the arts and gender identity topics and that was my spot to talk off forum with them.
As time has gone on the dividing line between where those interests stem from and my middle/little side have not so much blurred as it's obvious there's not a totally separate age regressed side of me, just degrees of so much so what's on it would not of been out of place in anything I'd of discussed between the ages of say 12 and 14 so in many ways it's  more a Middles blog.
That's why that blog, daytime office girl crisis has been retitled That Boarding School Girl cos it is in truth her Journal, what I'd of published then and in the same headspace now I do.
It brings to fruition my long cherished aim of the unification of my blogs each with their own focus but from the common middle/little core which know openly acknowledged.

Random reflections

Hmm I'm kind of late with this cos I was feeling muzzy Monday and generally I tend to write this blog in real time from the feelings and emotions as experienced at that moment and I'm only a bit better today so kinda bear with me.
I was watching Tuesday morning the studio ghibi anime movie - anime isn't just like 20 odd minute episodes in a series animation from Japan, it has a full length form too - "The Tale of the Princess Kaguya" when a series of thoughts rather struck me of one is the sad and unpleasant  things are mixed in with the joyful pleasant ones in your one life.
Like you can't pick and chose them from whatever life you lead regardless of whither or not you actively sought  those and so imperfection is actual normal and is best expected in your life however much you may quite rightly strive toward more of the happy enjoyable things for you and those you care about.
Another was that sometimes what it is you what you do attracts attention that negates from what it is you yourself get from it and that people only want you for what they themselves get from you or in effect live through you.
I have seen this sometimes through how people attempt to put  age regression into boxes that either imply it something it just isn't or unwanted attention of a sexual kind. Sometimes more  to do with what being transgendered is with some to show you with friendship if you go their own way with what it means and pull back suggesting you're not meeting their idea of what presenting means.
Because I may not tick some peoples preferred boxes and labels pretty much refusing to go their way preferring to be honest to myself you can feel alone but I'd sooner that than feeling a hollow little faker.
I'm the kind of girl who keeps her own ball up in the air on her terms and nobody elses.

Responsible Jo elsewhere

As a number of you will be aware I do have a Tumblr (two if you really must know) and the original Tumblr that goes all the way back to  March Twenty-thirteen is the only remaining one of the batch I took out when a Lolita friend of mine suggested it.
I was reluctant as I had a bad experiences on Experience Project of things that had groupings as Dani and I had people who just latched on to us as if we were Great Teachers or Guru's for talking about fixing our lives hanging on our last words and that and it creeped me out around 2009/10.
Fast forward and I'm shocked to find I have two hundred eighty seven Tumblr followers in little/middle communities all seeing my every post in their streams with seventeen coming all in at a twenty-four hour period in Twenty-seventeen that I never asked for  nor asked anyone to really push my Tumblr other than it bring listed at DD/lg World, SN and on my main Middles Blog.
Had I of known how this Tumblr was to have taken off and how it was I was going to be using it I'd of adopted a more deliberate planned approach, the one I had on the one started May same year that got swept away by Tumblr some sixteen month ago which was really meant to be a more middles one and ironically is more like the 'new' 90% age regressed sfw 10 % non sexual spanking than the spanking based one that just didn't work out.
It feels like an awesome responsibility between fun posts to be sharing ideas around age regression with a number of minor followers being more like "Auntie Jo" than just Jo the still growing up girl that I am.
It's hard for me to accept people look up to me but I suppose it's an indication of how I am as a person that people do and in that way I'm back to being Junior Prefect in this life assuming more responsibility, being Big Sister for a community.
Greatest feeling I get being there is just to chill out while watching others learn to handle their very real life difficulties through age regression, getting better at coping with what life has left them with and perhaps being a footnote in their progress.