Some year thoughts on 2021

I hope you all had the best Christmas you could have but as we've had a bunch of post around other topics I do rather think we need to take advantage of this pause to talk around other aspects of my life

One reason this blog continues to exist is the need to have a space for more middle or even grown up things at times having deliberated at times the need to keep it going with having the littles one.

Being me means I am more of adult child in most respects having many of interests of a girl still and much of the mental outlook so that means people look out for me in the wider community which with the pandemic  has been a godsend.

The year has been very much the year of the virus from us feeling towards the end of twenty twenty that the worst of it was with those of us who had been more or less shielding coming out of the woodwork as I visited Sandbach a few  times before we went back into reverse.

It is kind of hard to underestimate how it feels to be think you can be out more, even perhaps staying with friends only to have it dashed in the new year but that's how it was with the Delta variant.

We were fortunate to get away to the Lake District towards the end of the year just to recover mentally from the last nineteen and a bit months, playing games and enjoying the open views and fresh air.

 Christmas here is very much a repeat of how things were cos I haven't change any so a staple is annuals connected to comics so we have this years Beano Annual which my of caught up with the Spotty as Scotty renaming in the Bash Street Kids or not but will have the two new classmates in.

We don't have a Dandy no more outside of the Summer Special but we do have an all new annual to look forward to.

Recently there has been themed compilations of classic cartoon strips from the Dandy and Beano from the past and this years looks at stories featuring characters doing art and drawing within the comic.

An aspect of my life is I need to be looked after a bit, my short term memory is shocking, my physical disabilities are such that I need help with stuff like getting dressed and cooking so finding ways of doing that that don't take away my own sense of being independent matter so as much as some posts in the blog look more around some of my behavioural traits and how they're being corrected, there is a good  deal more around me and that's what I'm trying to put over in this blog.

Fundamentally I am good girl who needs help to make the most of my potential,encouraged to look out being engaged with life but is chastised when I need to be taught a lesson.

Christmas paws edition

*** HAPPY CHRISTMAS FOLKS *** 

At this time of year it's usual for me to take a break from blogging, commenting on various websites not least Tumblr simply because there's that much at the face to face so-called real life level to be getting on with so that has really  to take priority in the build up to Christmas Day and  shortly afterward.

This year will be no different so I thought I'd let you know I'll be off for a period.
(((Hugs)))

Counting them down

Only thirteen more nights to go before Mr Claus arrives at midnight with his sack (and we're all hoping he's not sacked thanks to you know what this year rising its head again) as I'm sure we are all looking forward to Christmas and what that might bring.

I often get super anxious in the days before that I can't always sleep with Christmas Eve being the worst.

Life as a little is like that. You get the best and the worst of it from the innocuous fun, often spontaneous to the tantrums and  "I hate you right nows"  as you appear to have learnt nothing no matter how many times you've been around the sun because you might as well be a child.

You might as as well just discipline me firmly there and then however hard it might appear as it is far more likely to go in than delaying and taking anything less than a juvenile approach.

So long as the consent is there, you might as well just go for it with me.

A message from Bertie

Another week that saw me redirect mail put through the wrong door in the spirit of Middle girl helpfulness down the sides of house, walking on gravel pathways covered from head to toe in hello kitty attire.

Yes, it's a crazy world I live in,eh? (lol) but couldn't be any other for this girl.

 Given the problems I've had very recently it's been very much a kinda hug your plushie regressive time of it all and so I thought Bertie would like to introduce himself.

"Hello Girls and Boys. My name is Bertie and I've bin living  with Jo fur two year but she never give me a page and I was born in Congleton but they toss me over Congleton edge so I ended up being adopted in Biddulph in  Staffordshire where they used to get black stuff called Coal from so I speaks with quite a strong North Staffordshire accent like she doesn't.

Mind you, she sounds like she's from South Staffordshire most of the time and gets mail from Alberta and Ontario!

I like the Autumn as everything turns the same colours as me but she don't call it that but she like this time of the year too.

The best thing about being a bear is the hugs, honest, as it makes us feel wanted and special.
Bye for now and be good.

Love, Bertie"

The Brrr Edition II

This weekend we had something like proper Winter weather sadly not Tundra but better than we've had for a bit which has helped taking my mind of discourse and drama elsewhere with temperatures blow - 7 degrees C (other measurements are available).

I definitely needed to put on white and grey bobble girls gloves and trusty Puma track pants as it was bitter cold.

It doesn't look too bad toward the grumps shed and his antennas but looking to right  towards the wood it is thick and proved icy too having had a few near misses falling over.

As you can see it got everywhere including the wheel barrow I only rescued after the storms a few days before sent it to the ground.

Another and most little appealing picture appeared during this period shown on the BBC and the Express & Star  newspaper on Friday of the Reindeer at Dudley Zoo out in the snow.

*Picture credits Express & Star

Just keep warm folks!

The evolving world

The countdown soon enough will begin as we get into Advent  although presently here is is actually below zero today outdoors so you might well be finding your thicker tights and a well covering coat if you intend to get past the front door.

Social media and me have had a chequered history with what I found were relative respectful early sites with narrow focus that when you joined all of you saw and bought into to others that were broader.

In my earliest days of trying to find more around the world of adult littles and particularly around adult little girl forms I found the most prominent ones were occupied by "sissies" and accompanying kinks such as bdsm which is fine if that's you but it wasn't for me looking for more child-like regression at the time and some of the sexualized stuff was very off putting.

Experience Project was a very much a mixed thing being a place where people could talk about anything within categories and experience groups with the Tg groups being more occupied by sexual crossdressers but there was groundbreaking support on there for genderfluid and NB.

When that closed down, I did join Similar Worlds but I have decided to delete my account there for a variety of reasons one being seen as a whack whack whack object which was vicariously lived through by some with a amazing sense of entitlement and for another I found there just wasn't the intelligent exchanges and conversation I was wanting.

It was obvious some had never really read what I had written and that site followed Experience Projects mistake of eliminating the individual groups and grouping things under very broad headings so if you were looking in the LGBT+ section you'd see a load of posts that didn't apply to you making it difficult to get quickly the posts you were interested in.

Thanksgiving edition

It's a dullish damp feeling kind of a day here as I've been around for a walk seeing the bird nests up in the trees and trying hard not to go skating on the many yellowish brown leaves that are around.

While the year had been better than last - could hardly of been worse - for some it still remained trying with shortages due to supply line issues but it is time to reflect upon those things and people who have made things the best they can for us by their time and service.

Over here we're a bit remise in marking Thanksgiving.

Wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving next week!

Best wishes, Jo. x

Sweet or Sour?

It's early in the week as we get to work on this weeks post as the money request for next years littles get together has come in.

What might on any other day be called what it means to be socially a girl has been argued over for well over forty years as I can think of.

One approach as been to argue it's kind of like this poster on the face of it more passive, reflective and sweet.

But is that poster even right when Miss Piggy is sassy and not opposed to doing karate moves on Kermit, that pink for girls is just about 100 years old and originally it was blue for girls and would being more aggressive really be that much better?

What if instead of Barbie or Bratz, we had a female action figure together with things like vehicles and weapons reflecting that being female doesn't mean you can and may well be in the war and that perhaps something science or sports based was in that mix too?

Rather than arguing over what is "truly" our gender roles are we just left things more as they are as you find work best for you and supported individuals right to be whatever and whoever they are?

Isn't sweet better than sour too?

Getting about

Last weekend I was away which usually brings into focus those things I can't change being disabled such as difficulties getting into coaches with my legs as I had to use a rail replacement bus rather that the train  due to engineering work or getting up a long stairwell to have a wash and that when you're staying with friends.

That's pretty much the thing cos you can't expect them to fix everything like stairwells just for you any more than anyone else.

It doesn't mean that they're not things if you are staying together you could do to help like this for instance:

If I ran with a tray in my hand even assuming I was able to hold on to it with my hand shaking, it's very likely it would be at an angle with the risks of spillage as I'm so unco-ordinated which is why it's so important to either let us go around with someone to help us get food before people start pushing and diving in or for you to actually get and carry it for us.

It is okay to ask if I or anyone like me would like some help in situations like this and please consider our difficulties where you're getting yours and I'm trying to get mine so I don't loose my balance, tripping up.

Small things often make our lives better.

Putting or being put in your place?

Well, how do you think such a magnificent attempt to usurp authority is going to go here and is there indeed a way her "good time" can end up being anything but thinking she's calling the shots now?

I mean when in the past I tried tell someone what they could do when I'd really crossed them it never ended well invariably worse than if I'd of just got on and took whatever they had decided to do when it came to making  me pay for it.

Has anyone ever got away with that?

I'll be away for a few days and better be good I guess but as I'm likely to have to get my behind in gear packing my stuff, remembering to lock the door when I get out early I'll conclude by thanking everyone for following  as this blog is hardly promoted and for your comments.

Regards  Jo.

"Red bum at night, right tearful day to stay"

Opal Plumstead revisited

This week I am revisiting a book that appealed to me a few years ago not least as with current events it has been taking me out of where I need to be, that boarding school girl and just be surrounded by groan up stuff that doesn't do me much good

This book was published in the autumn of 2014 and concerns the life of one Opal Plumstead aged 14 who got a scholarship to attend school planning to go on to university when she was older.

Alas her plans are shattered upon her father being sent to prison and so unable to take up the scholarship and having to get a a job at the Fairy Glen sweet factory to keep her family as was often the case in 1913. 

To start with she struggles with getting on the staff who think she's "stuck up" and snobby unlike them but she takes a shine to Mrs Roberts, the business owner introducing her to the Suffragette movement.

She also meets Morgan, the son and heir to the business who she feels she finally has a soul mate in but with war on the horizon bringing many forced changes it can only change Opal's life forever.

As a piece of historical fiction it helps to bring to life the lives and events of that whole era that lead to WW1 and in  its aftermath the widespread social  changes of Great Britain that I enjoyed learning about when I was younger.

To me setting things in their everyday context makes it easier to comprehend just how peoples could change so suddenly in an era without social insurance and where to see the doctor cost money.

Many boxes, one you

 Yes I know technically I'm in a state of disgrace but I can still talk to people 'kay?

Sometimes I do wonder if people write responses to subjects rather than any critical understanding of what the question was put in the first place if my experiences around various sites are anything like typical.

One of the first things I think you need to do is get a clear indication of how that person is feeling and what it is they are looking for in terms of an answer as some people are just wanting to be given "the fix" and a pat on the back.

Others still remain very much questioning their own previous thoughts  and perhaps may be better served taking a step back and then exploring a few things which are not permanent and are less likely to cause any issues further down the line of it is they find it wasn't what they were looking for.

I think you really can rush at changing major aspects of your life without fully considering if that is you which having had a few about turns over the years I can understand.

The other thing is sometimes we are so keen to emphasis individual difference we may ignore how much we may actually share something untypical but possibly a part of what makes us unique.

There's nothing wrong with having a different interest or hobby than your peers, you're you in all that as much as having my disabilities makes me what I am too to the point I wouldn't not want to be me as much as it is a challenge at times.

Another reset needed

It's been a quick transition from late summer to autumn with it getting much cooler and for their being torrential rain that meant it wasn't able to get out much plus that districts from being stuff.

Somethings have been coming along fairly okay like getting things for the next get together and things for Christmas but there are other things on my mind.

I was struggling several days ago just getting head into gear, missing off tidying things away before going into this tiny hidey hole for hours and emerging to the mood music so with how things are right now with me it wasn't long before the cane came out.

You might of wished it had stayed at this point, a few strokes but it won't anymore so the gym knickers came down and that's when it all started.

Several days on and there remain welts that are raised apart from lumps from a well caned bottom that feel warm and sore with searing burning sensations amplified if I sit for any length of time that intrude on my thoughts so I can't tune them out of my head.

However you wrap this thing up, I am very conscious of been disciplined, the unpleasant sensations that lead to you feeling tearful but knowing you brought this on by you inactions.

I don't need nor deserve sympathy for what lead to this because I know what it is I am meant to do and how things will run from now on if they don't because the emotions, the unpleasant feelings are what need to burn into me to deter this kind of attitude.

My job is to take and learn from it without exceptions.

I'm paying the price for my own actions and inactions these days.

Socializing and behaviour

Sometimes where you're thinking about how in any given situation we react around each other whither or not it's at home, at work or even say online in a forum it's as well to remember contrary what is often asserted, not everybody involved is in state of permanent fully realized maturity.

While to me and a good number of my closest friends we know we are not and fully see the child within come out in good ways and sometimes not so good ways such as getting stroppy or otherwise appearing rude because as littles this is what we know it what we also see is others who may not identify as we do but exhibiting similar behaviour.

Sometimes it helps if you visualize in such situation say men who might may appear to be so disgusted by the notion of being swept away by emotions as boys in their short pants they feel the need to act up to push away your emotionally driven drama seeing it as a weakness rather than engaging with it working through it to a resolution.

They're repelling something they can't cope with and that to them threatens their rumbustious sense of being, bringing to the surface their 'must hide' insecurities.
It isn't just men who may act like that so might anxious and insecure women and that can aid us in understanding them.

I think when you do see that, it can lead you to toward having a more tolerant view of obnoxious behaviour because we can now see they are still growing and developing feeling able to let more as much as we and they need to work on them.

Sometimes it appears to me, that's the problem, we see people as being "mature" we impose standards on them that they are bound to fail at when they like us are a work in progress in need of appropriate guidance and correction.

To me that's been the gain in understanding more why expectations widely promoted so often are dashed, because rather than working on raising our standards people all to often just presume you knew. 

A slight matter of correction III

The last mention of anything at all to do with my attitudes and behaviour was in December 2014 originally in a guarded form on the main blog because of issues with both one specific individual who part from having major mental health problems also saw themselves as a "white knight" for me utterly failing to see I know what my needs are in this life.

As this blog emerged to cover the whole persona well being and spanking related side of my then it was passported in better quality and a bit less guardedly  into to avoid those issues altogether.

The long and the short of that entry basically was that because (a) mentally I was and remain in a junior mindset and (b fail to learn by more "mature" aka "grown up" forms of chastisement such as verbal or direct consequences to avoid the problems of me just not doing stuff and being disrespectful, disobedient and dishonourable I was and agreed to being spanked just like I used to be by those who cared more see me be more mature within my limits.

In general terms that and other techniques explored over time did bed in within me to the point I was more fun to be around, being more responsible and did what I was told first time even being to learn to just do things on my own initiative knowing what I was expected to.

We have been through a very tough time mentally and psychologically thank to the Covid emergency and the measures taken that rightly prioritized  limiting transmission and saving lives but that came at a high cost for a fair number of people.

For me some of that cost has been a lack of focus, the forgetting of social codes, habits and reasonable expectations of being with people and a sharp drop of in my limited personal self discipline that's been an issue with me for as long as I've been old to go to school.

I wrote some weeks back about the first occasion after the change in regulations issues around getting started on tasks had earned a caning and not just a "playful" one, whose impact lasted over a week. 

That reduced me to feeling deep and genuine sorry for my actions while feeling tearful as the strokes continued to hurt for days not least whenever I sat down.

It was an experience I never felt for long time

It was a thing that people did commented on at various places as nothing is posted as "entertainment" but more with any for advice and constructive criticism in adjusting my attitudes and behaviour.

It has been decided I will be subject to period of strict correction that outside of a short sharp smack across my knickers will go straight to up to twelve strokes of the cane with  them taken right down because it does have the required effect.

That's the point, you need to be left with a certain amount of discomfort in order to it to act as a deterrent and internalize within you the following of rules and expectations so it can't be something that is light weight because it's reinstalling them in me that really this is about.

There was a point when "being nice" might of seemed the right thing but it is is unpleasant consequences applied without favour to  burn it in that I need and that I have agreed to accept from now on. 

In 2021, then, Joanne, an adult little school girl  will have childhood rules and having her bottom firmly caned restored to help her be more mature and this may continue in next year.

I understand it isn't everyone's idea but I feel it is the best way to help me make these overdue changes that will improve my life by being more mature and co-operative while providing the support I need.

Wednesday musings

I don't know about you but with this bug I've been feeling really tired and meh all last week which isn't good but I suppose little else can be honestly expected as I tried to get a few things sorted for next months get together.  

There are times where a return to short dresses and being a "Mummy's helper" with women might be a good role when it comes to just getting me to do be more motivated and do things rather than just being left to my own devices.

 Going by what I'm seeing something like this is really what the responsible adults need to get for me and this is so cute you'd want to take it for a walk, play style which might help in having me have to things to help reliably.

And play at this minute I think is what I'm needing I think as role playing where people go missing isn't very satisfying which is one reason I've usually preferred forum based activity cos at least people can come back to it whenever they can so you don't get the big pauses outside of actual RL meets.

Resting and fingers crossed

 

Not the greatest start to the week, no not the burning aftermath of last weeks post but in a more general sense with having a sore throat, temperature, woozy head, fatigue and aching bones.

Basically I'm having to stay around the curtilage of house in uniform to sit out for sunshine and fresh air a bit while resting with painkillers, those pick me up tablet things you dissolve in water and try to stay cheerful.

In more normal times - can you remember when we had them? - you'd put it down to something like a bad cold or flu but because the symptoms are similar to Covid infections for those of us who have been vaccinated, twice in my case.

That means you need to be careful for other peoples sake and not just be concerned with yourself, keeping near enough isolation for around ten days at least.

I know what Covid is like - I got it late February last year and given how I felt when it struck genuinely don't know how I got home and even survived given how I felt it's not something to take chances with.

Look after yourselves, ignore the conspiracy stuff and if you haven't been vaccinated yet - get it done as it isn't too late and we'll see you around.

Corrected Jo

It's five days since I had twelve strokes of the cane which initially did not feel that different for coming from a stingy implement but my goodness it still feels warm and hurts like heck with the tramlines from each cut being quite visible when I look in a mirror.

I mean after being sat for any length of time, it stings that much I genuinely feel tearful, struggling to hold back the tears that the punishment for not getting started after several attempts my tasks brought upon me.

It's been ages since I ever felt like this but it may well be last for a while cos it's really given me a short sharp shock I needed.

Rather than feeling sorry for me, reblog in support of people who are prepared take my knickers down and give give me a damn good whacking cos I'm more 'on the ball' now than I've ever been.

Gender cultural comformity

After an interesting week where one person at a site said they found my blog which is funny cos it is listed there and frankly anyone could google it, there was something that came into mind that I did feel about talking about.
Gender cultural norms.

I saw this a while back and personally I just love what it is about.
In the first instance do we know the gender of the dress wearer? Personally I couldn't careless as much as I care about your ability too be the gender you are.

It may be  someone born male  or maybe  a female who doesn't see why she should have to remove every single naturally growing hair from her leg nor pluck her eyebrows thin in the way groups of girls would gather in the dorms trying to do it for each other one having shown the others how.

Just why should anyone who identifies as female have to wear make up and lipstick or face being either ridiculed or be called out on their gender identity?

Can we not appreciate how they dress and what as people they are like-their inner beauty if you will?

If I want to wear a shorter skirt or a short sleeved dress especially this time of year then frankly as those who know me will know I shall without getting hung up on if there's a stray hair here or there as having a skin condition lots of shaving may remove hairs but does nothing for where patches where my eczema  is.

If as I do, I like to wear shorts like on Monday just going for a stroll where they may be overgrown hedgerows and that then why should that be regarded by some as just 'ikky boy' when as a female you can because that's you?

It's not what you wear so much as what you bring to them as the wearer.

Preventing the Princess Sassypants moments

 It's a quiet rather so-so afternoon as I type this having just dodged dark skies that would of had you thinking you were in for getting soaked as I kept reviewing the situation being prepared to cut short my time outside, picking shorter routes if needs be.

That's pretty much the worst thing with this weather, it's so unsettled yet not going out isn't just a matter of forgoing exercise and fresh air as valuable as those things are but for someone like me not going out, working off any frustrations tends to lead to me feeling cranky.

Things just build up in me rather like a pressure cooker and then spill over which tends then to the point I'm bent over for a good spanking so really apart from quickly working around what's bugging me  it's essential I'm given the space to let it all out safely.

That's why I'm grateful for being able to be out take in the countryside and count the birds as it works out better all round.

Jo gains a badge edition

I'm a bit late in publishing todays edition I'm afraid with a few unexpected things to deal with and just as I was about to get into the swing of it, I get correspondence that needs to be dealt with.

I'm still about contrary to what some at a certain site say but as I have said on here before I am not in the best of health, I do run low on energy and that means I need to prioritize what I do more towards things that are important like as novel as it may before for some like trying to get food organized and generally look after my well being that expecting me to posting and chatting away on sites.

As it is I run a Tumblr and three blogs and believe you me, I struggle with that some weeks to the point I have considered pausing this blog so to read comments that don't take account of things that have been said before and in one place even with a "sticky" note is disheartening and yet people don't seem to understand.

I have been working on tidying my Tumblr up as goes back a few years because looking at and posting the odd comment when I'm up to it does help to cheer me up and those sorts of things honestly are the best uses of my spare time when I can.

Breaks such as the one the week before last to just relax and be with people are really the things I need rather than random "I'd like to take your knickers down and turn your bottom bright red, what do you think?" messages and that.

I'm more than a spanking fantasy.

Twirling around the day

Last week's adventures were pretty neat, see the other blog for an account showing clearly the need for calm and relaxation over what has been a extraordinary period of worry, concern and fear as we could not just see people for fun for a good period.

Just to be able to talk about what has been on our minds face to face helped as did working together making and doing things, enjoying the views although the weather could of been better.

Looking at that picture, I only wish my stairway was that elegant as our house is typical late 60's, early 70's semi lacking a certain finesse when it comes to such things.

What's so wrong with making features of them???

One other thing I do wish my fairy godmother would get me classic 50's style girls dress like this, a bit puffed out in a plaid fabric  cos I do so love walking and hey twirling around in dresses.

In other news I did get a number of new cds while I was away mainly of classical music although to be really period one really needs a Decca all tube stereogram suitably modified to play them over which ironically I had growing up (allegedly).

Reflections

 

This week I'm actually away for a few days at LG Camp which is a major improvement on things as last year we only just got away in early February and then everything stopped pretty much with a load of rapid rule changes that give little time to adjust which doesn't help if you're not so good at that that and it doesn't take much for you to start to become very very anxious over everything.

It hasn't helped not being with people who can spank me because it really does help in dealing with poor responses not that other things such as positive reinforcement, modelling appropriate behaviours and just listening don't help, they doIt's just I often go for the least good response and it isn't hat it's merely bad for me, it's bad for others around me too.

This week will me if I'm drifting that way at least for the first time since the pandemic I can be verbally chastised and caned when I do so perhaps we'd better pray for a sore bottom for me this week when that happens so I change my reactions.

Wonderland

Sunny start to the day here watching next doors cat sunbathing on OUR garden like his isn't good enough while I'm getting on with putting a few things in a bag to go out for part of the day, enjoying the weather.

For all of the fans of this

 

And that's an awful lot of us,eh, Alice, one place I like to visit in more normal times.

You can follow the Alice trail across Llandudno which is an awful lot of fun as is the dress.

The world is rather absurd at times.

Storytime

 

It may sound wierd but I often her myself saying that in my mind cos I've the simpliest of concepts in some ways, it's why I love listing to a streamed storytime for littles near enough every weekend with a couple of stories on the go.

I just find it incredably relaxing to just sit there enchanted taking in the story with nothing else intruding upon it in the way I loved at infant and junior school sat in a circle with friends as the teacher would begin.

You just go into that other world for a period, totally immersed where you are just there with them.

I know you read books too, but being read to just feels so different and I just come out of it so much more relaxed than before.

Perhaps that's the best thing for me?

Leading the way

 

Leading, at least during the period I first learned to read was something you did not see much coming from girls unless it was a all girls story in which instance like some girl had to be that one.

Usually it ran rather more that the girls had Ideas but the boys picked from them and moved it forward appointing a boy as leader and so often he got all credit for something he had not thought of.

Thus it's kind of interesting here the girl has the rugby ball - you were doing well if any girl played cricket or soccer then - and is going off with for the others to play with on a sunny day although lemonade and sandwiches are missing.

Thankfully today it is much less frowned on for a girl to take the lead, iniate things but in saying that just stopping boys from doing anything cos they always have isn't much better because each gender has their advantages and each of us is an individual who should feel free to play to own own strengths and play fair.

Dolly love

Dolls are a fascination of mine and play a role in my age dysphoric life beyond even that of collecting which is something I did start in my early teens getting a variety of differently dressed and posed ones such as alpine skiing not just wearing frilly dresses and petticoats.

They're generally on bases that support them upright in those poses securely

On forks in the Road

Today isn't a good one as I'm pawley yet again, the reason I can't always "play" as much as I'd love to and wouldn't want to say I'll do it and then find myself one week in three in bed again.

I mean it's bad enough having other things that can mean I can't do much for a day or so starting with the badly damaged paws without adding that so sometimes it's a matter of resting as much as you detest the idea of doing nothing while looking for something to keep you mind off it.

Sometimes inspiration can be found from the most oddest of places you might imagine.

The Cheshire Cat it had to be said was quite right on this matter.

Faced with two two decisions about where to go but no idea as to where it indeed makes more sense to move forward by just selecting any one of them than to stay where you are cos you're going nowhere fast.

After a long wait, the fork in the road opened up for me and I had to choice which one to take and took the one we're on right now which may be one some may feel isn't right and indeed I know one person really took exception to it but it's the one that is right for me.

Right for me in that it is taking me though a journey I need to go through to come out the other side, learning along the way and developing as a junior adult middle.

The growing pains are those I need to learn to endure to take me to where I really belong.

Life skills

I guess the first order of business is to thank everyone for reading last weeks post and the two comments this warm week or at least it was as I type this and not necessarily just down to the suns rays!

Yes, I know this blog is kind of weird compared to most of the others you've seen listed cos it's a slice of life, emotions and smacked behinds wrapped in one and odd life stories tossed in usually cos there's a connection.

A ton of stuff you might take for granted just wasn't in my life.

Take the kitchen for instance. 

Cos I'm not good on my feet with my physical disabilities and not terribly co-ordinated, where as most people would of gravitated to it whenever anything was being made and perhaps of carried things basically I was told to stay out of there.

That meant in the absence of anything else I hadn't any knowledge of something as rudimentary in my late teens as how to make a cup or coffee, make toast with a grill, wash up and so on.

Because I find carrying things difficult, nobody took the trouble to show my how I could carry at least a few things or how to set a table.

In a way I didn't have a place in the home, certainly didn't have any responsibilities and upon seeing that it was said "doesn't do...".

Looking at that illustration even though it's pretty much of the fifties in a lot of ways feels...bitter-suite.

I'd of loved to had been dressed in almost matching dress, with a Mom who would have me in their teaching me these things and having made progress, helping me take some responsibility for doing things in the home so I could at least do something to look after myself.

Ironically it's taken caregivers mixing a chunk of that and some ol' school discipline at times to help me move on so I can do a few things and they have expectations for me just do them without reminders. 

The dance before the sparks fly

It's been a pretty warm week here so I've been sunbathing a little in the park partially for getting a bit of a tan and partly because when I'm doing that actually I'm disassociating from what's on my mind and that which does tend to mess up my behaviours at times.

 

Before we all got dropped into Zombieland  I'd get another kind of a tanning experience which did against the odds help to keep my behaviours pretty much in check.

The great dropping your panties dance before going over a knee is so relatable as you prepare yourself for what is to come.

Strange folks

 

I don't know if it's me, something around my autism or whatever but sometimes you think you're having a pretty decent conversation online and then you find its gone dead and no amount of examining afterwards shows a point you could discern a "change the subject" comment or request for clarification.

You just see this "not following each other" and gone to say their archive has this notice in the top right corner saying you may find more about why you can't access it as it is obvious at some point you were talking, they'd blocked you.

It's just so well, weird cos you'd think they'd say something first but no they block you rather like back in 2015 I remember someone at Experience Project doing just the same even though they'd initiated the conversation.

Still, blow them. I'm not blocking them myself but I'm ignoring them and will reblog anything that they might of direct from the source itself.

Wet weekends

The last few days have been rather wet so I  didn't get around to taking any pictures which was my intention and indeed I was lucky to spot a moment where I could slot in a walk in the drizzle but while doing so I did see a few things that came to me.

I've always had a fascination with snails and I saw rather a lot of them not just in gardens as you would expect but actually on the curb and pavement where they had paused so I had to be careful not to accidentally break the shells which is easy to do.

While aesthetically I don't like slugs I do find them fascinating to watch making their moves taking in their food stuffs on a well lubricated trail.

As well, the Tabby Cat from around the block was hanging about wanting food and shelter having been out overnight looking a little bedraggled from the wind and rain that woke me about 5 am on Friday morning.

It's not my idea of fun at all given this is late spring but we're just trying to work as we've done in this last year and a third with what it is.

All change!

It's a bit of a different post than I'd normally make on here as it's raining cats and dogs here as I type this but as of Monday we can do more NOT that all restrictions have gone away, they haven't but in what ought to had been a moment of celebration that we'd got to a point we could do that, there's a fly in the ointment.

It seems a fair number of people had brought into the UK  a Covid variant from India, highly likely to had been people from that sub continent by not taking tests and if positive self isolating compounded a lowish vaccine uptake in come communities that simply cannot be down to not being able to be vaccinated.

This means the authorities are running round like scolded cats testing and laying on more inoculations, even vaccinating all  17's and over  in households that might have almost adult children, parents and grandparents all under the same roof  in certain areas of concern to both bring down transmission rates with the risks of hospitalization and to try to keep the date we can ease all restrictions around the expected one of June 21st.

It's annoying as many people with physical, mental health needs and issues have struggled through this pandemic, grappled with our own issues around things like generalized anxiety, struggle with social situations with lots of people and noise  to get ourselves vaccinated and it appears others who could of too, did not.

The price of such behaviour is that normality in terms everyday social interactions may be delayed a week or two and for what? Thinking what everybody else was doing didn't apply to you and risking everyone's lives.

Getting out of this thing needs all of us pulling together with no ifs, buts or maybes.

Staying warm - the only agenda that matters

It's been a wet and cold week so far in dodging showers and digging out warm dry stuff which really takes me to the meat and potatoes of todays post.

One area when I tend to disagree with traditionalists is over the idea girls or any other female clothing needs to be all thin and feature either a skirt or a dress at all times not least because I grew up in cold environment where it wasn't unusually for winters to be very white.

What it means is what heat our bodies give out isn't being trapped by materials that would help keep us warm leading to a situation where girls may feel get cold quicker just because of gender norms in fashion.

 In areas like mine, because of the cold, often girls did wear warmer clothing even if over a school dress to stay warm and they did include pants or even snow pants with super warm layers which were more suited for winter play.

You often had a thick padded coat with a hood on too keeping you warm.
Staying warm and looking after yourself should never be limited by ones gender because it is a basic human need for all of us.

 In some school areas uniform policies are being adjusted to allow full gender expression and options for all such as Western Australia that decided in September 2017 to allow pants or shorts to be worn by girls.

To me this is about time because uniform is about setting standards so kids look smart at school and avoiding competition in dress and not about being an instrument of gender stereotyping or oppression.

Because we need it

We're getting towards the point in which the next set of restrictions to be lifted are being evaluated which is kind of relevant for this blog and aspects of my life because as they applied here staying overnight with people unless to use the queer terminology of this pandemic you were in a 'bubble' wasn't really possible and even daytime meetings in peoples houses and the like were off.

That meant chunks of life such as group meetings where we'd have fun playing games, visiting places, making things in arts and crafts were suspended although having spoken with the owner of a place we use, they think our planned visit at the end of July *should* still be on and are certainly looking forward to our return.

That is when we've passed the full restrictions being lifted with the exception possibly of mask wearing in public spaces stage by June.

The one single negative about the place is the rooms are both more spaced about the building with inevitably stairs and close together which isn't ideal when it comes to keeping the noise low with others when it comes to administering spankings.

Given the nature and differences between people it's not unlike some events a setting where everyone is used to and is okay with seeing or hearing people being spanked publicly so any is discrete and in private with consents just between those in it.

Last time we didn't and that was literally last time as lockdown started just a few weeks after so it may not.

Given how this pandemic has messed my head up, I may be looking at some point a weeks before going over to the person who normally would for a few spanking sessions to get me back on track.

Paws crossed the next step happen.

Music - can it take you to adultland?

 

I was reading a popular and usually pretty sensible Tumblr blog when I came by a post which was supposed to been all about of coming out of a regressed little headspace to re-enter a adult one which was interesting.

The first thing is with me if you hand not realized I'm not regressed in the sense in which I enter a younger headspace from having been in an adult one because actually I'm always like this.

It's more about to what extent I mask it to the point I just have a meltdown cos some of you can't handle it.

The bigger thing was they were were talking about steps to take to get back into this adult state of mind and one they suggested was playing music you associated with that role and like I was thinking "Uh-huh?"

Look, I know a fair bit about music, did it at school, collect recordings by many artists in different genres and have been know to blog elsewhere about it but is there really such a thing thing as music you associate with being adult?

I was listening to symphonies and solo piano music at the age 8 starting to have a bit of a record collection as that girl, like most of you I heard my folks favourites some of which I liked and some I didn't but all this music takes me back to my childhood.

If you heard a song of your parents that they liked to play doesn't that actually take you back in that time?

To me that's always been the thing. Music takes you back.

I get it that you may need to do somethings like run your own finances and work if you're capable of it so you can't just stay at home playing with your barbies but the idea that there is music that somehow catapults you back to doing adult stuff I find very hard going.