Christmas report

Christmas here was a bit different for a few reasons one being we didn't go out for lunch between some inter family stuff that tested patience to the limits and Mommy and I being very unwell just before and still recovering  so even if we had, it really would of been a waste as we'd not of eaten much.
With that we ate at home between ourselves,with the Turkey being put in over night to cook right through, vegetables done across the morning and the Christmas Pudding zapped in two minutes flat before eating!
As it was 2015 I had to help out getting stuff out, setting the table, clearing the table and with washing up.
I did have a number of presents this year although somethings are in transit as as I wasn't well enough to organize them to just before Christmas which does give me something to look forward toward I guess.

A perennial with me is comic annuals which are a direct run on from the Christmas presents I has as a child featuring special and sometimes Christmas themed cartoon strips from my all time favourite characters such as the no longer running apart from specials, Dandy which had Korky the cat, Desperate Dan of Cow Pie fame and others in it. 

The BIG comic with me as a Child was Britain's Beano a veritable parallel world for those of us who were of official school age  during the 70's thru 90's it's peak period with it's own school and characters in the form of the Bash Street Kids, my heroine Minnie the Minx and Dennis the Menance who like us also got smacked if they were naughty (and they were!).
As time went by some strips like Lord Snooty got retired and others like Bananaman who did have a tv series too joined the old favourites and the questionable practise of featuring in the news real people like pop stars and the like in story-lines crept in.

To say I like Jacqueline Wilson's stories is an understatement outside of the likes of Enid Blyton and co which I was raised on (and as you may know do have a good number of complete series by), she treads the line well between old school story telling but set in the world of todays children (and sadly some of society's issues) producing funny, very readable and thought provoking work.
This is set of short stories, some Christmas related featuring some of her best loved characters like Tracy Beaker and Hetty Feather with quizzes too which is just the sort of thing I like, a more middles take on an annual in a paperback book format.

Mommy bought me  this, Maddie who is a 14 inch soft rag doll who I think is adorable in her pink candy stripped outfit and some grey long school socks which is a very sensible choice for an adult middle like me.

My Auntie brought me a selection box which was a super inspired choice on her part as she not formally known about my Middle side but can tell straight I'm very child-like.

To be honest I'd sooner people either asked ideally or just bought me things more like this because I just so not relate to *adult* likes and that at all so buying for a middle child really is more sensible.

Looking back at the last year

As a few entries touched on, I went from a situation in my late teens with very little effective discipline of any kind to the removal of anything short of being made to leave home without having the very attitudes corrected and by late 2014 things were in a mess.

More by chance than anything discussions at various places lead to me finding a Caregiver who accepted and was prepared to work with adult middle me who made it plain they wanted me in school uniform and they were going to discipline me as that schoolgirl.

 They made it a hard rule that My knickers were to come right down for all punishment spankings so my bared bottom was going to pay the price from now on for all infractions, looked at my problems  and we agreed a set of rules to help me change.

And not just a  slipper but a hairbrush, leather and wooden paddles too as I increasingly learned to present my bottom for correction as just an everyday part of my life.

 
It wasn’t long before I felt so at ease with it that talking to other trusted adults who knew me and my problems well, that they took on a disciplinarian role to a middle who they also knew as one who is in school uniform, agreeing to spank me whenever I’m with them.

For good measure measure many of little/middle friends know about this, do know when I’ve been in trouble and are supportive because they know I can be more mature and considerate if I want to be.

It was through the discussions through them that quite against the odds caning something I only had at school came back as an option in more severe infractions with a variety of different canes being available to use when extinguishing a behavior or attitude was required.

Given it worked then I can't see it failing to keep my behaviour and attitudes in decent limits. 

Other things such as the Tawse and Martinet are agreed options too.

It was a long, painful process with some elements such as having more trusted Adults re-enforcing my Caregiver by disciplining me too not even in the original plan but it has started to work.

 
Who knew this was just what I so badly needed from Adult Authority figures who cared enough to step in and prevent me from falling while also working with guidance and support on changing me so I never get to that point again.

Please support spanking me. You know it  makes sense.

Happy Christmas.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Santa is very mooch for real!

There will be a 'paws' for Christmas and then I'll resume posting folks.

Post 600

I mentioned  a short while back at various places we were approaching the 600th post of this blog which by coincidence was just over a year and a week back and I was thinking about doing something a bit special.
Well other things intervened altering the posts between as well as the frequency a bit for good measure not least being very unwell recently and during that period I thought about some of things and people that matter  the most to me.
The first thing is there's a person who I've only known for a few years and due to distance I only see from time to time who in their own way has been such a inspiration and source of reassurance at times even though they themselves have had their own difficulties some of which we do have in common.
They've encouraged me to be more open about myself, who I am, what interests me with other people, to feel comfortable doing arts stuff like drawing which I've always had hang ups with just for the fun of it and above all just accepts me as I am.
The year has been hard for us both following the death of our (and probably for a good number of you, yours too) close friend where we've both been supporting each other  and both of us have been supported by others which has been a great source of comfort.
You're a star.
Then there are other people such as those that have given me a home from home where I can just relax with my mind free from some of the stuff that gets on top of me here, enjoying a meal and like minded company together.
Which if on it's own is something I'd be thankful for but you go much further than that, you look after me, not in a super fussy way but more an observing the scene and responding way, knowing that if I'm giving signs of been tired (and I tire easy) you'll get me to where I need to be, bed, in  suitably child-like way that leaves me feeling relaxed and very little.
Then there people who help me deal with some of baggage from the past because a number of my responses to situations has tripped me up, not just say from not doing something important but also making it harder for me  fit in cos I do things that can conflict with everyday norms, a good number of which I never really learned and was never expected to take any account of.
Sometimes because of some very bad encounters I had, I'd disengage first to avoid situations that had distressed me rather than mastering them.
Instead you've had higher expectations starting from the outset that I was to at least try to do what everyone else was expected to even if I needed a close eye on me and when I didn't you were prepared to follow through with appropriate child-like discipline to help me change.
A lot of people in a way gave up on me thinking I couldn't be given a second shot at getting this right but they didn't. Rather than feeling I could only mess up, they helped me replace it with a feeling I could get it right and if I messed up once, the by learning the right lesson, I get it right the next time.
For once I started to begin to look forward to social encounters knowing I'd be helped by firm, loving and caring people to handle them so I could enjoy my time with people more (and hopefully they'd feel the same).
And that does wonders for my self confidence.
In so many ways then  these things are the things that matter and have mattered so much to me over the last 100 odd posts here, the gifts that are priceless and to whom I am most thankful for.
**Thank You**

Gratitude

“Said you’re bored with your poxy presents did you Miss?” “I spent a lot of my time and money on them and to have such a show of ingratitude from you, Jo, I have no choice but to deal with your attitude here and now.”
Originally published over the Christmas break, as we look back over that period a month back, how many of us really felt appreciative of the presents people bought us and how as ever did we deal with the disappointments.
Did we feel ‘Meh’ as we unwrapped each and every one, even getting into a funk as we opened it up thinking “God, don’t they know I’d never use that?” even feeling insulted by their choice?
I have to be honest and say in the past i have been like that - proper miserable to live with - and actually a good hard spanking  with a simple to understand lecture would of helped set me straight.

Accountability and the Middle

Our lives as Middles have this running through them surrounded as we are around our clothes, our cute stuffies as part of everyday domestic life which takes me a very important area of Middles life and that is accountability.
Accountability as a concept is simply that as Middles we are expected to be held to account for those things that we are responsible for, such as our learning, our house-hold chores, the things we agree to do for others and our attitudes and behaviour as they affect us and those in our lives.
This is because, whatever as individuals we have difficulty with, we are capable of exercising some that within the Adult world we interact with. We need  and are expected to meet some basic standards to be with you such as being truthful, reliable and so on.
As middles, we need our parent-like figures to support, guide and discipline us when we mess up, letting ourselves and others down and to learn to expect ourselves to be held to account as a matter of course rather than excused from it, that some of us including me have been in the past.
Having to accept swift,very strict  punishment  is something some may baulk at but it is a need of ours to help us make the best of ourselves.
It’s a important learning we should not be excused if we are to grow up to be as mature as we can within our limits.

Chilling little style IV

The last entry of this series looked a bit more at presentation in the form of uniform and how that's changed and how that is a part of my life.
There are other parts of it too which have changed over the years, socks being oddly enough one of the first manifestations from buying school socks from the schools department of British Home Stores  every term usually grey from the late 1980's before moving gradually toward an exact replica uniformed presentation via 'Senior school' or 'Secretarial' wear.
Sometimes I have bought patterned socks like Harlequin ones in different plaid colours before moving more into that exact replica uniform by wearing actual school socks with it such as these Grey ones.

These are some I recently got although I usually wear white one of the same sort of design
except the bow would be a matching white.
The other thing that goes with it is underwear which has changed a bit over the years from all white around 2010 to grey or bottle green full school briefs when the original replica uniform came about.

 Now it is to go with the newer uniformed presentation I'm to be wearing mainly black high waisted Carta Gym Knickers which apart from being good for sports do keep me warm and cozy which is good thing at this time of year.
These arrived a few days ago and are to be worn from now on.

The waiting game

There  is a very good reason  for why this image features in the Header of my Dorm Blog. It is that that girl is the likeness in my gymslip , particularly when I was in white socks, of me having to wait as whoever is disciplining me makes up their mind which to use.
You see they all have a pretty full selection of implements, always on full display to choice what they feel is the best one to apply to my bared bottom to make the lesson I’m to learn the most effective together with some non cp punishments such as lines and corner time.
Making me face what may be used on me focuses my mind on what I did that will cause them to make my bottom painful and red
Corporal punishment is very good for me so I’m glad I’m given

Junior Jo

One form of Junior me was this, modified by a friend a few years back where the grey pleated skirt was changed for a straight hard-wearing one similar to that wear by girls at my high school and where the red sweatshirt is replaced by a V neck sweater allowing my blouse an school tie to show through.
The key word in this 'Junior', pre-teen, as that's very much how feel my inner child is and mentally I'm at as afterward the mismatch between appearing teen and how I was (and remain) really became more noticeable to the point I had to be looked after and even sheltered from some aspects of regular teen life.

Numbers

The weekends interlude of snow has passed so I wobble around our estate without fallin' down today which is nice as I don't like being shut in much at all.
Talking in various places across the week brought a few memories back about the past like how we were taught math.

 For us everything started with learning addition and subtraction (take aways) and the decimal system (yay for logical units!) before being introduced to times tables which we had to learn by rote, reciting both individually and as class  up to the Twelve timestable and also by compiling our own time tables  in a grid form.
Everything came from either a text book or more often what our class teacher stuck up on the board for us to either copy down in our exercise books and complete or to work through in class on the board with us being called out to complete in front of the class  showing your working out.
There weren't any work sheets, calculators or a computer back then.
Carrying over numbers and doing long division are kinda etched in my brain which says a lot about how effective the whole class teaching was despite my best effects of telling the teacher I didn't think I should have to, which responded in a sharp reminder who was actually in charge.
We did do fractions but by the time I went to boarding school we got more into equations, area and trigonometry  which I was lousy at to be honest.

On character

 

When you scratch the surface, although I may know of the world, fundamentally I'm  an innocent  little girl who just likes to suck lollipops, skip enjoying cute things and having fun than the things older teens and adults generally get up to who deserves to have that respected.

I may get things wrongs and sometimes be naughty but not a bad little girl at heart, far from it.

Random Friday post stayin' wrapped up

 

With this time of year one only wishes for the brilliant colour of the summer not least when my bones feels the damp cold air and the Sunflowers in peoples gardens growing although it is brighter today.

I am better today than I was earlier on in the week when I seamed to have pulled my left hamspring yet again just getting to sit up in the bed first thing and was able to see the hairdressers on our main road for a trim and some restyling attending with my nails painted as ever.

Today I've been doing some colouring so far connected with Thanksgiving although I would say Thanksgiving in Canada is a month earlier and I don't understand why over here you don't celebrate it.

Last night I had to quickly rescue Mr Marmalade who had gotten his paw right through the gas fires grill, heaven only knows why he'd do that, as it was very close to the flames just as I had some very hot tea in my hands so had to quickly put it down without spinning it on my skirt and legs and yank the errant paw away.

He's so strange like that as no cat I've ever had has ever tried it before.

I've always loved reading comics, especially British ones loving the Minnie the Minx strips for like eons so It won't be long before an annual or two arrives care of Mr Claus so I thought end  by a older frame in one weeks strip I remember laughing at.

 What she says is very much the kind of thing I'd of!

Until next edition, byes.

Personal growth

It's kind funny how it is change and permanency crop in in differing forms when it is we think about aspects of our lives such as what may matter the most or the direction a hobby or interest may take.
Some people may put a great store on things being the same then, now and even in the future living around patterns from the past and equally we can all think of people who never really seem settled, forever swapping and changing things at whim, sometimes to the consternation of those closest to them.
Sometimes you may feel things changing but hear the siren calls of those who just loved you and what you do begging you not to change, that you and what you do is all that you are and to embark on journey be it personal or in developing your skills would lose you your own qualities while others still may wish to take you down routes you might not feel sure over.
To grow and to adapt either as a person or in your interests to me seems on the face of it a healthy thing as that would imply you are learning and exploring more of what interests and fascinates you.
I know and sometimes it feels at certain sites as if I'm forever on about, I am changing, learning  to do and live with greater expectations of doing things to those I'm been familiar with far a long time which hasn't been easy.
It would of been easy to given the matters that came to a head last year to had done nothing, in effect deciding to have stayed in rut which may have been a dead for end for me but a comfortable one but instead pursued on that was and has been painful at times but has ultimately been more benefit to me. Sometimes it's the courage to change that we need.

Thankfulness

I've just been a bit busy this week being giving some thought to what Mom could get me for Christmas as she's not as able as she was to get out to go visiting store after store for me.
I wonder what would happen if she could get Voucher redeemable for a years spankings for me?
You see, and it's super hard actually admitting this in print, outside of the stuff that can't be helped like my multiple disabilities and how they effect my life, a good deal of the other problems really stem how I was brought up , or more accurately not.
For one thing there is a view, a whole mindset even in some circles that says a child (or for that matter an adult) is diagnosed with a condition that may have an effect on how you react and behave, then you're not guilty of being 'naughty' because you by virtue of having this cannot be expected to control any urges.
Note it's not saying you may difficulty in controlling them, or even implying you may be expected to have *some* control and responsibility for what happens. It implies you don't and from that excuses you from any consequences.
To a large degree to the extent my folks even bought into the idea of my culpability and any kind of a sanction at all for infractions, they went with that view that they'd be punishing me for what I had no control over so outside to a degree at school and with other folks, they'd just try distracting me or try talking about it at such a low level it never really felt like a 'telling off' even.   If they'd of started more on the premise it might of been difficult for me control my feelings or to have understood a rule but that wasn't a reason not to punish me because I needed to learn and society expects me to take responsibility for my actions, we might of been getting somewhere. Putting me across the knee or a couch from an early age for a light spanking followed by a short explanation of what I needed to do would of done more good in getting the message across that my behaviour wasn't acceptable even it left me tearful and contrite to the point I'd feel motivated to at least try to do better.
The supreme irony of that is that in 2015, it's exactly that which has happened without fail - an adult 'middle' Jo being spanked by trusted adults as a 'middle' school child - has become more mature, learned to control better her emotions and while sometimes slipping up, is doing much better, getting to grips with social norms, learning to take and act more responsibly within those medical/disability limits.
Even Mom sees the difference!
That's why in 2015 I am thankful to everyone who is re-parenting me and this post two weeks before the Thanksgiving weekend is here. Love and hugs, Jo.

Chilling little style III

After Monday's write up about the combined Halloween and Bonfire party here is the unexpected follow up.
Whenever people get together, not only do they talk about different things but sometimes they may bring things that for whatever reason they no longer have a use for or perhaps found didn't fit quite right but would rather another had if they could make use of them and this is very true in the Adult Little Girl community.

In many ways as discussed in 2013, this picture which is a part of the same photo series, captures the spirit of the 12ish Middle me, a girl who relaxes sucking her lolipop, stroking her pet and reading a book who may know more of the grown up world but isn't in it as just those things alone are what matters in your world.
 I remember writing in December 2014 around how it was the form of uniformed schoolgirl was going to change as I was to be wearing pinafore dresses with my first outing in one at the Christmas party and how they felt so me.
Pinafore dresses are for a good number of actual schoolgirls, a requirement of their being at school as part of the uniform emphasizing your 'belonging' to that school and the implied acceptance of its rules.
There is a parallel of sorts with me because my caregiver requires me to wear mine not just as an adult middle treated very much as the little but also it does reinforce the acceptance of His rules and any correction that follows. It is MY uniform.
Not surprisingly that is very much how most of the time I've been out with people this year and certainly worn at home with blouses and even a tie!

I have a few school type pinafore dresses now in my wardrobe but was rather surprised to see Matron at GHS had something hanging on the stairwell that she said I could have if it fitted.
Math isn't my strong point -prolly was fitted with Math proof cap early on in life! - and sizing isn't always straight forward  but putting it against me it seemed right.
It was a grey pinafore with a heart shaped front zip but  with a straight skirt section that was a bit thicker than some of mine by Banner so seeing it was a 17/18 I took it back with me.
I put it on after a quick wash on arrival home Sunday coming down the stairs to my folks wearing it with an air of confidence sitting downstairs an having my evening meal in it and they said NOTHING!
It fitted perfectly so I like to thank Matron for her kind offer of it as she understands the importance of Uniforms to middles like me.

18 plus and....

I was so like this post formal education it was uncanny.
Unfocused except on my immediate needs, lacking the will to really pay attention to what was said with a massive sense of entitlement -MY needs matter than anyone elses- the taking down of any meaningful sanctions did nobody including me any favours.
Being dealt with like in this cartoon strip really would helped but that had to wait decades.

The random jottings of a girl on Monday...

Random Monday post.
First off, Tracy got the mini quiz on last Sunday's post right. It was Crewe station, just opposite  the Crewe Arms Hotel the photograph was taken from, where you get to most places in the UK from and where presuming HS2 happens, that service will call at too.
As those of you from a certain littles site in the UK with a chat room will be aware I haven't been too good with a cold and bad cough for most of the week so I've been on the Lemsips and herbal cough mixture which has left me feeling unwell, achy, woozy in the head and a bit lacking in motivation, although as Jodi put it you can't expect to feel much else although her support is helping at least the point I got a few things done today connected with the dead ghoulish upcoming events at GHS which I'm mooch looking forward too.
I'm glad to have people who do care about me.
I went to look at one site the other night and found its software and layout had changed quite a bit and found I had a few things to put aright on my profile there and found another doesn't seem to be so good in it's mobile view, something that with more and more people accessing sites via smartphones and tablets is becoming more important, not least for getting people to spend more time on them.
I can remember the early days when we'd almost huddle around our big desktop computers for hours trying to find the very sort of site we wanted and then stay on for hours as they were hardly portable in the way laptops and especially Netbooks are and often modern machines are more powerful than those 133mhz machines with by modern standards tiny amounts of RAM were.
Finally I've been putting Yet More Music on my Soul micro sd card all 64gb of it I use in my Fiio music player to listen to over the headphones or plugged in the mini system in my room when I'm poorly saving me carrying stacks of cds with me to put on.

On gender presentation

Sometimes it seems I spend chunks of my time arguing not just with the usual suspects, men with fixed ideas about 'their' woman but with male to female transgendered individuals regardless of status within 're-assignment' or not about your rights, our rights to present as we see ourselves.
Females from whatever gender history have the right to express themselves in terms of how they dress on the street however they like be they more like on the left in jeans which is very common for women just getting about our towns and cities right across to skater skirts which isn't a million miles removed from how I dress outside of more obviously middle or 'age play' related stuff or even to wear shorts.
As a female you have plenty of options and you own them.

Thanks!

I'd like to this opportunity to thank everyone at GT,G.I,  IK,DDlg and FA for your concern following recent events and how they have left me feeling, be they comments in chat, on posts or face to face.

I was  pleasantly surprised to read one blog entry that addressed that topic of balancing your little and big lives an individual was facing that had a direct quote from  me upon my return after a few days so thanks Jake for that.

I'm slowly de-stressing and beginning to think more around how get to where I feel most comfortable and resolving some longstanding issues that compound if not of themselves create them.

I am aware a higher proportion of posts in this blog have been more around the lessons I have been taught but there have been others of which this is one.

Thanks again,
Jo
x

Sheltering edition

It's been a odd sort of a week for weather here with heavy rain earlier on and yes today we have brilliant sunshine which is more what I prefer although obviously we do need some rain and that even if there's never a really good time to it.
If you're thinking, have I missed a post before this, the answer is no because I needed to be out Thursday and Friday in particular to get some stuff I wasn't able to earlier and was too pooped out to be writing anything much so apart from not writing here, I didn't do much on other sites either apart from going bed earlier than usual set bedtime.
Before I forget thanks for those who read and commented on the last few entries here, it is very mooch appreciated especially on days like today when I have rather a lot on my mind which isn't so helpful when it comes getting in the mood to write and Marmalade has taken over my chair.
Like quite a few others I find dealing with the more 'adult' things not least unwell parents with an 'un-family' very stressful not least when no one is is even empathic never mind actually prepared do a thing to help and one has yet to return a phone call with a message left to a n other human they live with in seven weeks.
I can almost imagine the response I'd get If I called them out flat over how they are treating my folks never mind me, a person with multiple disabilities being left to care for them; One would just freeze doing nothing  and another would start a lasting feud as we've had several months of before now not talking and even acknowledging my very existence to others.
That's why I call them 'Un-family' cos legally they are but otherwise they may as well not be as they cut me out stone dead if they visit my folks and never inquire about me either.
I'd like a voucher to get a decent family with more than anything.

Age regression

What does age regression mean to you?
It’s not a phrase I use simply because my Middles with a little side flows from my inner child in real time less than the notion of say taking on a pre-defined role with an script, running more with actual child within emotional responses and  needs as it happens in real time. It’s more space for my Middle with little side to express herself with the ‘play’ being the setting where she comes out.
It also is the case with developmental disabilities and brain damage, even at school, not least high school, I was considerably younger than my years which left me out of sync from my mid teens onward with most of my peers although I could share in say a love of music and some movies at least but with a lot their more grown up interests and sexual references going completely over my head, like they’d be talking about making out and I’d be more interested in having a teddy bears picnic or a tween sleepover.
For me those situations either on line or in playmeets  with some of my friends over here are very therapeutic to me because they’re where I can really let that side of me out without the fear of people poking fun although the community where I live are very tolerant of my child-like ways and being know to have “special needs” does run  to my advantage in that way, allowing a greater degree of self expression than I’d of imagined after leaving high school.
How do you express you inner-kid: online? offline as part of your everyday life?
Online is fun as I am very childlike, cracking lame jokes, getting super excited but thankfully most people are at least tolerant of my childlike ways although I make serious posts on non IK sites but am very open at sites like DDLG World or Girltalk.to.forums about my little side sometimes really regressing in say a IK chat room
In what we call Real Life, as will be apparent later on, my 'big’ and I express ourselves pretty much the same, which can be fun  cos I just can’t help being myself as I use child-like phrases and words instinctively, often have plaything with me (my last works colleagues 'got it’ and were super understanding of me being very much a child to the point of buying childrens gifts at Christmas),  do dress in a more child-like way, often have cute plushies around, and easily move into little/middle headspace when I’m out, playing with thing.
My IK really comes out at Adult Little Girl meets and sleepovers, it’s just like boarding school which I loved having been to one and I’m always dressed as Middle in either playwear or English school uniform which fits me perfectly.
How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don’t feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.
The answer to this is simple  which is to say I don’t have much of adult sense of self through the real world impact of learning, development and intellectual disabilities to the point much of the adult world is beyond my personal comprehension, having no interest or need to. Basically I’m a child with a big age number living more like a child apart from paying taxes and that.
What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?
I struggle with things around getting things done on time, do put off important things for more fun in the moment activities, badly need structure and am capable of being disrespectful of others because I get more into what I want then and there without considering them. As well, I don’t always judge situations well and my abilities especially in  emotionally stressful situations to keep up with and process verbal reasoning can get so poor that it just ends up jumbled up with me getting more and more frustrated with that person.  Grown up approaches to disciplining me simply aren’t effective because they just can’t go in.
What works better with me is having clear cut rules and rigid boundaries around what I’m expected to do and clear consequences which is what my mentor/caretaker has been working on with me since just before Christmas. The main focus is around working on bring more permanent changes in my behaviour and attitudes rather than just the use of discipline through talking about situations and one on one guidance.
Discipline forms an important part within the maintenance of those rules though, flowing very much as the consequence delivered for breaching them in the way as a child  it would and so my mentor/caretaker does use corporal punishment with me as so an increasing number of trusted 'grown ups’ when I’m in IK situations involving them with permission and appropriate discreteness, often when I’m dressed more as a child too.

I find being disciplined less stressful than wordy verbal scolding, feeling very calm over a knee while it also certainly has helped together with the guidance and love of others in improving my attitudes and behaviour no end. My parents have little idea what this is about but they’re really impressed by how much I’ve improved.
The aftercare is really good and I find afterward its like I’ve been 'reset’, centred anew with no past offences hanging over me although it does hurt.

Looking back at structures and the need to be little

I'm late writing this but it something I needed some inspiration from and it only just arrive which is why I'm late todays.
I was talking with someone about the past, yes I know we has a present an' a future too but the past has lessons for you and is after all where you started out from and some of ideas I think are worth sharing.
One is given our chronological (so-called real life) ages, we've seen the world and the Countries we've lived in change from when we were little girls quite dramatically with the removal of many a Dictator, the greater freedom of expression of thought, religious beliefs and for differing ways of life.
We can to a very large extent say what with think without being arrested or effectively suppressed, in countries that had one majority faith, we can join and practice freely another and this is good.
One thing that perhaps for some of us is a negative is the way in which we've moved from very prescribed boundaries to such a state of rampant individualism that challenges any notion of social norms in our society.
We care less about how what we do may impact on others, the sense in which we are (and certainly I and people of my generation) felt being a part of a society that had shared aims and standards of behaviour in public at least. Everybody pretty much knew what was expected of them and that included respect for (adult) authority at home, at school, in the workplace never mind that of the Police even if they weren't perfect.
Today it seems that very much the idea of any respect for social rules has gone-want that seat on the train, grab it even if has been reserved, if at odds with each other in the street then call each other cuss words loudly in front of the under 12's, and so on to the point that it's hardly surprising that the only rules teens see exploring their emerging selves is that of own peer group in that way. While we tested the boundaries too, you knew adult authority would step in and critically your own folks would support them as having been punished for coming home the worse for drink once I'm well aware of shall we say.
For some us part of our being 'little' be it in caregiver relationships, or being just 'a little' may stem from a longing for those certainties be they from your own upbringing or perhaps looking back on those of others, you wish for them.
It provides some of the structure  we find ourselves craving.

Dress and the Adult Kid

Sometimes the question may get asked why wear clothes associated more with Girls as a Adult Girl?

To me it's not a hard and fast rule that anyone who sees themselves more as a Adult female child should have to dress like one and for a good number of us, it may get in the way of things such as workplace dress codes and so on and at times I do wish some in our (ALG) community were a bit less uptight over it. I mean it's only fabric after all.

There are a number of settings though where I do feel it's of very real benefit of which one is if you're with a Adult authority figure (male or female) in a relationship where anything like this needs to be talked through.

The other might be you do have an external authority figure or Mentor, you don't but may be meeting others possibly with some responsible adults or it's just how you see yourself.

To me the principal advantage is simply it makes you look more the Child you are because it removes the last bits of adult standing from your appearance at a distance.

You look into the mirror and you see something more like that child in it which aids you in doing those things that come natural to you as the adult child as you see nothing unchild in you.

An almost as important advantage when it comes to dealing with Adult authority figures is they see the child, their girl who looks very much it as they treat you very much like the junior you are, playing, drinking your milk and watching cartoons.

I love character t shirts like Hello Kitty ones and being in dresses and skirts which also happen to be easier when it comes to giving me my spankings in them in what is a very authentic junior experience leaving me clear just who is in control.

When it comes to underwear I like fuller briefs sometimes with cute designs on that are more like the sort you had when you were younger rather than anything that's clearly more grown up. My feeling is that's more appropriate for the adult-child you are and are being treated as.

Recovery

Monday's, eh?

That so me you know. 
These last few days have felt pretty awful as I had a migraine I couldn't shake off and I'm only just getting more up to speed and feeling brighter right now so I have to go to my room and rest a lot.
It's nothing new sadly, been  like this ever since I was small, missing a lot of my education with thing and another so I've been playing catch up in many areas of my life so actually being a middle/little makes things more bearable, like watching a favourite film time and again it's comforting.
Comforting can mean extended periods cuddling up to plushies, not worrying to much about anything that's going on in the 'big' world feeling loved as people look after you and so on so I sure don't enjoy my migraines, I don't frame them in as whole negative thing in my life cos in all that I experience good emotions and sometimes find I see situations clearer that I can use when I'm better.
Thanks to everyone at certain forums for your support.

The Misses and Master

After Friday's more heavyweight piece I felt like sharing something else here.

Princess Natasha all in white making her way down the stairway. I had her for several years and is more the decorative sort of doll having a porcelain face

Morse sat on my chair. Although he's Scottish he doesn't drink Whiskey!

Jessica, as she'd just gotten up in the morning before I brushed her hair, living on the side of my chair in the front room from where I usually interact with y'all online.
I doesn't matter they and my other dolls and stuffies are clearly visible to my neighbours across the street as are my Wood's Cat teapots or if they come into the front room.
It's my space and I'm me.

Grange Hill- a UK institution

The BBC TV series coincided for a good many of us with our actual secondary education so coming home from school  or watching in the dorm after formal lessons had ended to wacth it before tea and homework is a strong memory.
The series not without its critics in the education establishment at the time, did tackle some serious issues such as bullying, racism, inappropriate staff behaviour and abuse by and drug abuse.
Our prevailing feeling was one that today would come under the umbrella of "That's so relatable" although Zammo would never pass uniform inspection with that badge on his lapel!

More thoughts on 'little'

There were a number of things I felt like posting around today, some which may have go to other spaces I share but you know what, I feel like putting it them here any how.
The first thing I'm gonna talk about is what we mean by being a little as this from time to time causes issues depending sometimes where folks arrived from and how wide your knowledge and involvement in that community is.
If anyone expect a single universal definition, sorry there's not one as some like to slice and dice everything up often to match a subcultures take.
My start point is it's about you as an individual first and foremost starting from how you see yourself as you navigate your way from upper juniors and through your teens to approaching what the law defines as 'adulthood'.
The majority of children going through what is called 'growing up' have what is best called an emotional  age that is within the average or norm for children within their year which means at a practical level they can both be educated broadly the same level while being able to play and socialize within that peer group feeling neither to young or too old as equals, free from inappropriate behaviour.
If that was you, you'd be content  being yourself, sharing the same interests as your peers but for anyone that isn't you start to find toward your mid teens your being left out, staying the same emotional age having no interest in maybe or even getting anything from what interests your peers.
In effect you are  in very real way emotionally much younger than your chronological years that brings with it both ostracization  and vulnerbilities that others are only too willing to exploit.
I first became aware of this  around the ages of nine and ten finding my peers had outgrown me with it increasing several fold by my mid teens to the point I had to be protected at school from unsolicited and misunderstood attention from my peers.
Had it of been in this decade, rather than trying to find things in the reference library I'd of no doubt of been looking stuff up online on various sites and that simply cos nothing was around in what was supposed to had been a safe space for me never mind having spaces I could just share the interests I did have.
I don't believe in the intervening years a mid to late teen child  who is that way is that much more different although the internet itself brings risks to your doorstop, something which is of real concern to those over 18 who find them 'reaching out'. In a very real way those teens need their own adult free space until they are of age and some solid professional guidance of the sort some of us back in the day didn't have.
Those of us who are over 18 obviously started from somewhere and instead of concerns about our school friends, it's more about employers, fellow students and what anyone you may be in a relationship with as to how much of that side of they can take as well as the adult sexual side.
How that little side comes out does vary and one point I want to get across here is unlike the image you may encounter online it is not and does not have to be all about diapers, sippy cups, all in one romper type suits and pacifers although if that's you, terrific and as those of ya who have actually seen me over here know, I don't mind in the slightest.
You can be dressy, tom boyish, play school if you like (it's fun, trust me!) spend the hours colouring, watching Sofia The First or play snap, whatever makes you feel comfortable really cos it's just that-being in emotionally comfortable space, free from groan up worries and concerns.
To me that's what we have and had as Littles even if you have moved into relationships where that's accepted and anything 'adult' is understood and consented to.
It's what makes being a little transcending of any other label regardless of if you're more ab/dl, dd/lg  or 'furry' centric.
 
 

Disgraced Jo gets it

 

The week had began most promising with both having a  pleasant day with Dad who I have issues with for like ages working something out that enabled us to share a bit of time together as well as helping Mom out more while she’d been poorly but ended up some other place, despite rather than because all of that.

To begin with I had been given some homework by Sir that I had actually done on time and spend quite a bit of thought over before writing quite a lot  which is really around me, discipline and our relationship when it comes to it.

But there was a question I had to answer in this and it was if there was an infraction I needed to own up to? Well I could not lie to him whose presence in my life has made such a difference so I had to tell him the truth and the whole truth at that.

I had been asked a few times to clear up my space which had gotten over run by used jiffy bags, boxes and so on to the point you couldn’t get to clean around it and you’d need to be agile to get around of it  on your legs without walking on something or other.

Well, it wasn’t long before I got the message all right as I was due for a “Sound Spanking” which wasn’t an expression I was that familiar with but then you, dear reader probably think I should of  been before all this.

Then I was ordered to drop my knickers right down and spanked both with slipper and after a short pause again by the wooden hair brush while bent over a chair rather a lot of times so by time we’d finished my bottom was extremely sore and practically on fire. I had cried toward the end and after pulling my knickers back up, stood hugging me teddy as a I rubbed my smarting bottom.

I then had to sit on hard chair in contact with my knickers for half an hour facing the corner amplifying the discomfort from the spanking to further internalize it something I’d forever associate with my actions. That was followed by something new to my punishments, hand written lines to write too, 100 of them .

It was the most painful spanking in my whole life still leaving after a few days my bottom  still painful and and would like to thank him for giving me, his little, the Sound Spanking I so badly needed to change my ways which is is going to help me do. As I explained, the lines are very much child like but did give me a sense of closure on this infraction that I find I need.

I am grateful as his little, he takes the time to understand my needs not least my need to be spanked and to use that in his mentoring approach helping our relationship and his parenting of me to and for my own good.

Day out to the Seaside

I went out on Saturday with Grumpy to the seaside departing from our Estate on one of two coaches organized by locals where we travelled though our town to join the motorway network passing near Stanlow before joining the main A55 in North Wales, a semi-independent Country within the UK parking up at the coach park.
I left grumpy to his own devices after getting off going some people I knew helping me cross the road to get into  the middle of town as there wasn't  a crossing and I'm poor with road sense.

 You may not of noticed it but in the gardens, there is this amazing clock set in the ground that looks rather striking from this angle. In the background on the far left is the Cenotaph and along the front there was a flower display marking  the start of World War One.
I agreed to met grumpy at 12:15 to make our way to a restaurant for lunch as being a Saturday it sure gets busy so you'd better get your skates on.
We went to Tribelles which had been recently taken over and revamped where the service was excellent from being met to getting your food in good time.
I had a 9oz Cod with chips (anglicized fat fries) and peas to whom the batter completely covered the fish itself so you had a whole lotta fish which is just purrfect for a Catgirl like me and tea which was very well cooked with the fish being moist but not mushy.

 There were a number of events taking place out of doors, one being a display and collection for the Royal National Lifeboat Institute, a charitable organization that rescues folk at risk on the water and that was one of their lifeboats.
Also the Lions had a vintage motorcycle exhibit with many plushies and flags on the bikes one even had Crazy Frog with his googles!
I spent part of the afternoon watching the Punch and Judy show with the children, shouting and screaming along jumping up and down for good measure cos I love letting my more little side out while not reading my Beano Summer Special comic with my childhood heroes up to their usual tricks and playing on the beach.

Llandududno is one of a number of seaside resorts that has managed to retain its long jetties into the sea -a pier- and along of which are many shops and amusements one of which this not that you'll me in or consuming their products.

Jetties have their uses apart from launching boats on, fishing being one and here's a family group doing just that.

The coastline with the Haufre Gardens toward the top left with assorted Alice in Wonderland related things to be found.
Making our way back to the coach, I had a Mint Chocolate chip icecream locally made as in many parts of the UK there is an aggressive Seagull problem meaning sitting out on the seafront  with food you'll be attacked and possibly injured by said birds.

The return of the school girl

Hi.
This is the first entry of September because I took a few days of from blogging cos I was going to be away for a few days so needed to use my time differently.
The first thing was packing cos I had a new once piece travel case as the handle on my old travel attache case broke which took some getting used to was it has a short compartment at the front for things like my tickets and timetables, a middle compartment for things I need immediately on arrival and a generous core for other things with a total weight capacity of 2.5 kg together with wheels to drag it around.
That meant I only that had my hello kitty hand luggage carrying bag which I kept Katie Kitten in as she helps me deal with social anxiety, cellphone, outbound ticket ready for inspection and hello kitty purse.
As we had had heavy showers up here, I did have my Peter Storm waterproof jacket with me too.
Given I didn't need to be out early I caught a later local bus to join the service calling at the North-west Midlands leading rail hub to travel down my friends.
I had a few damp moments between connections but despite warnings about signalling issues on the train, that went very smoothly with the train being on time so having come in at the station in this part of South Staffordshire, I was met and walked to the parking lot just beyond the station before a short car journey to their home.
Upon arrival I changed to my middle uniform a black tunic with a zip having my hello kitty slipper socks on over my white 3/4 white socks with bows.
Over the period I did a lot of colouring  taking my new pencils as well as my Frozen colouring with me to work on as well Lucy one of my dollies to play with which probably says a about why I spend my time with and at littles meets here in the UK.
It's to be in (for me) middle headspace, just enjoying things more associated with actual middles without the sophistication's or concerns of groan ups during that period, just some point where I'm focussed on small things  and not like being preoccupied with news or adult interests.

So it was a welcomed surprise to be working sat at a traditional school desk and chair in uniform  doing my colouring, something that mentally took me back in time, feeling very much that child in class in view of groan ups. It's a feeling I feel very comfortable with, bring back many memories  from my past.
This is so much me.
We had a lovely chicken roast and home made plum pudding for our evening meal enjoying a sing song and quiz in the evening until it was time for me to sleep on the couch in front of the fire which I quite like anyway.  It's the feline in me!
I had a good nights sleep after about twenty minutes ready for the next day.
I got up sometime around 7:30 which is actually a bit later than normal for me, had a wash and got dressed in good time for everyone to be up drink and talk.
As is my want I did play at being a cat making the appropriate movements with my paws and meowing between colouring.
We had a cooked breakfast that was much appreciated before I left to join my train on the way home.
After Auntie Andi had dropped me off at the station, I caught the 13:20 that calls at our rail hub and as I was feeling tired I got a taxi off the rank straight home to cut out the waiting in very good time, directing my driver who was from Mid-Cheshire.
Thanks to Jennifer and Susan (no other name or Gah!) for their cooking and hospitality and Auntie Andi for giving me  a lift back to the rail station,

The freedom within

People sometimes wonder where you may find a sense of freedom and where within this lifestyle it can be found given much of the misinformation and criticism you see around.
I suppose the first thing I’d say was that as individuals we have certain freedoms in many instances backed by laws to protect rights such as to have free association, to express points of view, to information that’s free from government interference and bias, to express our sexual and gender identity and practise our beliefs within reason.
Nobody I’ve ever encountered in the World of littles or within ddlg ever argued against those things, indeed regardless of  party politics, many have been the strongest advocates for individual liberties and freedoms I’ve ever encountered.
How we use those freedoms in our lives and relationships is very much our own business because they are the bigger things that enable it but the notion that the smaller side, that of how private lives are structured needs to be based on joint everything is not one even in Vanillaville necessarily follows.
After all how do you think a situation where both of you had the last say would work out?
Not very well which is why someone somewhere always has it even though everybody else  may well contribute and so have a say. In other words, we may have an equal right to say what we feel, ultimately one person is in charge but we expect them to take account in that of how we feel because they care for us.
For me this whole side is discussed and reviewed between my caregiver and I which is a relationship of halves, that isn’t so much equal although based very much on respect but complementary.
The big things are just between us as individuals that we pursue as ourselves without limits.
The things that are not are more around what is required for me to be happy, contented, free from the attitudes and behaviours that so get in the way of satisfactory relationships with others, undermine my own well-being and abilities to be more personally independent.
He works with me in creating the space for me to express my little side because he understands just how badly repressed feelings are for me, not just feeling sad but build into negative attitudes I then project at others.
We discuss the difficulties I have because of my learning/developmental issues that make my day to day living difficult looking at what I can do to manage them better and he has me work toward them.
He discusses with me my behaviours and attitudes around people, those expectations most people share working through them but all subject to rules which I am expected to follow not just because they are rules  or just liking authority over me but because how I behave effects others and makes things bad for me.
He disciplines me whenever I do not cos he enjoys it but because he knows I need to change my behaviour and all to often just talking over things is less than helpful as keeping track mentally with long scoldings is extremely stressful as I struggle processing instructions at the best of times and frankly spanking me is not just more effective but actually the whole experience is more calming. Ultimately it’s kinder to me.
It’s also the case when I’m good and I have worked well toward my personal development goals, I have a say in the rewards he gives me to encourage me to grow, becoming more confident in my abilities to handle situations which outside of our relationship I gotten no help with at all.
For me my personal freedom comes from not being left in situations I can’t cope with in an advanced state of license nor from being so controlled I have no personal liberty but from between where I’m supported, corrected and loved in dealing with those areas of my life I can learn to take appropriate responsibility given my difficulties and where I can’t, I’m taken care of with you respecting my needs.
* This was a original post from August 2015 which I feel is important in understanding why this life is so much better for me.  Fortunately I had a copy of it so it can be added to the New Woodshed

The space between

I don't suppose I'm alone in sometimes having the difficulty  in feeling  in more little or middles space as distinct from just how I may present because of other things around of me some of which you can't really do much about.
One is having parents with health issues, having to do things to help with no support whatsoever from other much more capable mentally and physical siblings who don't even return phone calls and any interest in them seems more superficial at best.

 That's sometimes where I find myself using spare bits of that time to frill myself up although I'm not normally at one with the uber-frilly side just cos it leaves me feeling a pretty carefree girl well out of more groan up space.
I also do a fair amount of colouring like yesterday between tasks to get back out of  as even for me personally  whole chunks are at the edge of  what I can cope with my my own needs.
Mommy saw and even liked some of my Frozen colouring yesterday!